Whatever thank you. I hope you have a peaceful night and day tomorrow, although I know too well that that is being optimistic. I remember at first that I couldn't go out, eating and sleeping were nigh impossible but I couldn't face anyone. I had to take it a day at a time, get through the hours to become a day then a night. I found the nights very hard as I couldn't sleep and it was quiet so my mind was even more active. Be kind to yourself.
These are the poems we had read at Scarlett's funeral, they were very apt for us. She was dh's first baby, our first together although I have three myself.
Father to Daughter
What can I say? Where shall I start?
You were so beautiful, you captured my heart
We only got to know you, through images on a screen
We felt the occasional movement, the rest was left unseen
If God had allowed it, I would have loved you so
I would have given anything, just to see you grow
To share with you in laughter; your joy, your years
To even share the sad times, and wipe away your tears
You would have been so beautiful; you had your mother?s eyes
And witty and funny, and carefree and wise
You?d have loved the mountains, as we shared walks and climbs
You had such potential; now I know only sad times
I will not devalue the time we shared, with any platitude
Just take these never-had memories, into my solitude
They said once for a princess, that the price for love was grief
So I will hold onto the loss I feel, and won?t let it be brief
I will not end with sadness; there?s hope in these words I?ve spoken
My joy is now the Father?s, and in Heaven nothing?s broken
Please know I dared to love you, and if Heaven?s rules allow
I?ll hold you close again one day, and forget the pain of now
What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mum who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mummy set me free.
I miss my Mummy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mummy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
An Angel Never Dies
Don?t let them say I wasn?t born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
I?ve loved you from the start.
Although my body you can?t hold
It doesn?t mean I?m gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, I?ll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You?ll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesn?t make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
I?m watching over all you do,
Another child you?ll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you?ll understand.
Although I?ve never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesn?t mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.
"What is dying?
A ship sails and I stand watching til she fades on the horizon,
and someone at my side says, "She is gone".
Gone Where?
Gone from my sight, that is all:
she is just as large as when I saw her....
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her,
and just at the moment when someone at my side says "she is gone", there are others who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up a glad shout,
"there she comes!"...
and that is dying."