I had my stillbirth last night

[desperatehousewife]

I feel a bit weird being on here telling the ether such incredibly personal things so soon - but I've always been a person to talk to here goes.

On Monday I was told my 25 week pregnancy was no more (I knew something was wrong I had felt no flutters for a couple of days). As I was 1 week over the 'viable' date, I was told I would have to give birth to him. Giving birth naturally has been one of my biggest fears (had DS by emergency c-section) and was planning to go for elective c-section in March.

I went into hospital yesterday morning at 9.30 and was induced. Had a long day of small contractions and a couple of hours of really painful contractions then the birth at 7pm
was easy. One big push and all was over.

The relief was monumental. My DH has been amazing and we were both really composed and calm about the whole thing - bizarrely.

We chose to have him cleaned and brought to us - so we saw him and held his hand which was totally amazing - we felt really privileged to see something so tiny and so peaceful that was ours. It made it more real and it made all the labour pain worthwhile.

Was home in a morphine haze and in bed by 10.30 which was great. Slept fantastically and felt eurphoric this morning. So relieved I didn't
have a c-section and that my body feels like mine again. Am probably on a bit of a hormone high - but feel great. Am fully expecting to have a massive low at some point too. But taking each moment at a time.

Am very proud of myself - as I've always been a firm believer that I was a wimp and couldn't do anything remotely difficult. Well I have now
and there's going to be no stopping me in life.

I keep thinking how unreal it all feels and that if this was happening to a friend of mine, how utterly devestated I'd be for them. I guess time will change how I feel and I'll get to realise that this really did happen to me. Sadly we have to wait 6 weeks (probably more with xmas in the way) for the post-mortem results. Would really help to know why this has happened.

Thank you to the people on mumsnet who advised taking a special blanket and a camera - i was so deeply opposed to this idea - didn't even want to see my baby - but when it came to it, both my DH and I felt it was so important not to brush what had happened under the carpet; and to look at what we had created together to make it all more real and to help us accept things. It really really did help and we will never regret it.

Thanks for listening.
DHW

My heart go's out to you!
Your so drave for sharing your story Good luck for the future i'm thinking of you XXXX

Thanks for your post - I have no dount that your words will bring comfort to someone in the future.
I'm a firm believer that it's not what happens to you that makes you, it's how you deal with it. You're quite an inspiration.

DHW - thinking of you and your family - and you are in my thoughts and prayers xxx

Oh DHW well done!
Of course I'm so sorry for your loss, but it sounds like you and your baby parted company so well, if you know what I mean.
I remember feeling enormous relief and achievement when I lost a baby in this way.

You may well have some lows, but you've done so well and it'll really help with the process.

God bless. Take care. x

DHW - Was shocked when I saw your news on the March thread but glad I read this - such a beautiful and eloquent post. Am pleased to hear you & dh are dealing so well with such an awful situation and that you decided to see your son. You are both amazing. Take care x

DHW: I really admire your courage. I know that it was really difficult for you to consider seeing your son but I am so pleased that you did opt to hold him in the end. I wanted to try to convince you that this was the right thing to do the other day but resisted because I had already suggested that the midwives and doctors can be pushy.

Seeing our ?angels? was the best thing that DH and I could have chosen to do and it really helped the healing process. We don?t look at the photos often but I am pleased that I have them. I do hope that you find some answers following the post-mortem and some peace in the meantime.

You are in our thoughts and prayers. Thank you so much for having the courage to post about your experience.

I'm very moved by your words, dhw (so much so that I can't see the keys to type) - I'm glad the birth of your son was as good as it could be, under the circumstances - that you saw him, and held his hand - I think those memories of that little person you created will sustain you.

Take care, and have a peaceful Christmas xxx

your post has made me cry

You have been through something we all dread and handled it with amazing bravery.

so sorry for the loss of your little boy

thanks you for such a beautiful and painful account of what happened. No matter what, your son will know that you loved him.
xxxxxxxxxxxx

DHW - I am so sorry hear of the loss of your baby boy. My heart goes out to you. My first baby boy, Cai, was stillborn at 30 weeks, 13 years ago next week and I can totally relate to what you have written.

Losing your baby is one of the most awful things you can ever face, but again at the same time, meeting them is one of the most special times you will ever have. No-one can truly understand unless they have been there. I am glad you chose to meet him.

Thinking of you.

You are amazing, dhw. And I am so so so sorry that you have had to show your amazingness by going through and writing about such a tragic life event. I am sure, as Marina says, that it will help others. Take care.

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That's an incredible story you have shared with us, and it's wonderful that you are open to the possibility of positive things coming from your loss. Sending you lots of good thoughts and wishes.

calebsmummy - thank you. I can't imagine how terrible it must have been for you - that late on in the pregnancy. HOw on earth did you cope afterwards?

I have cried a lot today - really really sobbed and feel at a total loss (only fleetingly still as I think i might still be in shock slightly). Is there anything you can suggest that might help me get through the next few weeks?

I am dreading stepping out of the house and resuming normal life - meeting friends, other mums on the school run and stuff - worried that everyone is going to be terrified to see me and not know what to say - terrified that I will sob at everyone being kind to me.

I think I am experiencing a bit of a dip now in my emotions. Feel very tired and like i've been run over by a tractor!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts - it really is so desperately lovely to know that so many care.
x

You brave, courageous woman - dealing with a terribly distressing and traumatic event in such a dignified and strong way. My thoughts are with you and your husband. Take good care of each other.

Did MABS put you in touch with SANDS locally DHW? There might be a Befriender available to chat to. XXX
Try not to worry about how other people will feel meeting you - to be brutal, that's their problem not yours. Be kind to yourself first and foremost.

you are truly amazing. please do contact me at any time if you want to go for coffee or anything
xxxx

so sorry to hear about your little one

It's very rare that I admire someone but you really are someone to admire. I don't think I would be able to string 2 words together if I went through what you are going through. You are obviously a very strong woman although you may not feel like it all the time.

My thoughts are with you xxx

thinking of you

My heart goes out to you, dhw. You and your family sound very strong and loving and I'm sure this will help you all over the coming months. My best wishes to you all.

DHW, you are being so brave and strong about what is, to many mothers, one of the hardest things to imagine. I hope you continue to remain strong in the weeks to come. We'll all be here to listen.

xxx

nothing new to add that hasn't been said already. thinking of you
xxxx