Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

hey lf glad you are getting help..

Caz if I could put my arms around you now I would.. I have been exactly where you are its truly terrifing. I remember being really terified during the birth as well which seemed a bit nuts as we didnt lose Fraser during birth.

Ross was delivered by forceps and they took him away to clean him up check him over etc.. they didnt tell me they had them handed him to his dad and they were outside the theatre

I had a complete meltdown... yelling at anyone who would listen.. where's my son.. where's my baby I cant have lost another one .. tell me where is he...

Consultant.. (in the middle of stitching me up) looks up and says for gods sake he's with his dad... well you could have f* n told me instead of stressing me ..

Consultant turns to midwife and says I couldnt have put it more succintly myself... she says sorry we all though she was talking to you

I got through and you will too... sending you positive energy.. one day at a time.. you can do this .. I am here if you want to talk

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Had the grandchildren here for 10 days ending with trip to holiday park for the weekend. Had a great time but I am worn out now. It was bittersweet at times as I thought Richard should be having fun with them and not us, but this is how it is now and we must make the best of it.

Congratulations cheese and dee, wonderful news. x

Hope the next few weeks pass quickly for you caz, you are not mad, just worried and that is understandable. xx

Nice to hear from you lf your baby sounds gorgeous, hope you feel better soon. xx

Lew arrived about 7am - his Mummy was fairly quiet and Daddy looked tired. I now have the full account of their nights sleep

Lew: Then me got out of bed and creeped into Mummy and Daddys room. When me just got in bed Mummy opened one eye and said 'Get back in your own bed.' So me pretend to go in my bed and then me try again. Me tried 'undreds of times till she let me and then cos me was wrigglin' Daddy had to sleep downstairs. Then Mummy was happy.

Me: you should stay in your own bed love.

Lew: Nah me mummy and daddys bed is comfy and warm.....me and Pukey Lukey (their cat Luke) always get in - its great.

That takes me back shabs both of our boys used to come into our bed. We didn't really care it was the best way of us all getting good night's sleep. They weren't wrigglers. They stop eventually.

I love it in the morning when DD comes and snuggles up with me... last week on holiday we shared a bed, it was so nice getting into it in the evening and she stretching her arms towards me for a cuddle. she is as warm and comfy as my DH to sleep next to

Yum I love birthday cake for breakfast! Is it your birthday blue x

yeah it is lavandes will have to practice guitar today, as that was my present for DH :) very pleased with it!

Happy birthday blue hope you have a good day. You must be a rock chick enjoy x

Happy Birthday Blue xx

Hello all. I'm holding up at the moment, 10 weeks tomorrow. Need to get through the nuchal scan in 2 weeks time and then hope for the 20 week one. They found problems with Scarlett's bowel at her scan so I'm hoping everything will be ok this time. Her bowels were echo-genic.

The longer that goes on the more worried I'm getting though and I think when I'm actually feeling movement and showing properly that I'll be a wreck. I don't know how I'll get past 37 weeks, in fact I'm praying this baby turns up a little before then, even a couple of days so I don't have to relive that awful day. I don't think I could do this again.

I've been thinking more and more about Scarlett and what happened too, running through it all in my head and trying to change things and make the outcome different. I just keep wishing that she'd have come early, she would have been here now if my body had put me into labour even 2 days before...

lavandes sounds like a lovely time with the grandchildren, it is not right that Richard wasn't there too though.

shabs no wonder they were tired hehe :o

Happy birthday blue hope you're enjoying your new guitar.

Morning girls xx

morning all! thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a lovely birthday!

Hello to you all,
My little 6 year old boy and myself were hit by the school bus back in March this year. Tragically my little boy dies from his severe injuries. I was in hospital for 7 weeks afterwards. Although now I am doing really well physically, emotionally and mentally I am really struggling. I find myself getting angry now when people tell me he is with Jesus now, or that he is always with me. As his mummy there is only one place he should be and that will be acceptable and that is here physically in my arms. It has been 5 months since he was killed, I have aanother little boy who will be 4 soon. I tried with cruse and compassionate friends but didn't feel as if I gained anything so I am now seeing a trauma and shock pyschiatrist and am hoping he can help. But please please is there anyone out there that has lost a child in such sudden and tragic circumstances, and tell me how they cope with everyday life without their precious child. thank you xx

nikijc I am so so sorry you had to find us here! we have all lost precious children in different circumstances and keep each other company on this road of trying to cope living without them.
I haven't lost a child due to an accident, I lost a little girl at 20 weeks pregnant back in June, so I can't even imagine how you must feel having lost a 6 year old who you know so well.
But please do come back here if you need someone to talk/scream/cry/laugh. we are all here to support each other!

Nickijc Im glad you found us but so sad that you had to xxx

I lost one of my twin baby boys in 1982 (he was 7 months)- he had severe heart problems. Then in 1992 my DS3 was knocked down by a reversing lorry and killed.

DS3's death was so sudden and so traumatic and violent. It happened almost outside our house and within about 4 minutes of him going out to play on his bike. He was a month away from being 8 years old. It was many years before I could tell anyone the injuries he had suffered....and many years before I allowed myself to remember the scene that met me.

There was a time when Matts death threatened to destroy our entire family...everybody grieved in different ways and nobody seemed to be able to help anyone else. Somehow time marched on and things did improve but very slowly. I think you are doing the right thing seeing someone who deals with trauma and shock. Please try to be honest with him - say exactly how you feel. I have 'put away' in my 'filing cabinet' (my memories) much of my emotions at that time and that is not the best way to deal with it.

You are still in such early days of grief. Horrible empty, sad, long days. I promise you that little by little things will improve and change. Just keep talking - on here and to anyone who will listen. xxx

Hi all. not having a brilliant day. Jack should have been getting his exam results today. it didnt occur to me till i was sitting in the car with my Mum and Wilf. I burst into tears. Just wish he was here with me...................

Lottie - he is with you my love - just like all our children are with us - just, sadly, very sadly not physically. He would never leave you.

Sending my love and hugs xxxx

Lottie

We just came back from the churchyard to see Sterre. I went into the garden centre to buy some flowers to go on her grave. DH stayed in the car as DD was asleep. I came back out empty-handed. I just couldn't choose, I don't want to buy something for it to die straight away. I really don't like dead flowers on graves. So we went to Sterre without anything :(
When we got there DD asked if I could please take the grass off and open the coffin so she could say hello to Sterre... Tried to explain that wasn't possible...
We need to sort out some sort of headstone to go on it.

Hello nikijc - so sorry you're here. My little boy died just over 5 years ago from a head trauma after an accident in our garden. He was very nearly 7. I can write that now without sliding into despair, but it's taken a long time & I can't tell you when it starts; just that one day you will find that you've thought of your son without tears, then you can talk about him without immediate sadness, &, eventually, somehow, little pockets of happiness start to shine through. I wish you lots of love & gentle days.

nikijc so sorry you're here too. We lost our little girl to stillbirth in Dec of last year at 37 weeks pregnant.

LottIe (hugs) it's just not fair

shabs Scarlett's death has really shown us who cared about us and who didn't. I will never forget the way dh's brother and mother acted with his (older) brother not even coming to her funeral; his only niece. I still have so many pent up emotions surrounding her death and dh's family, they made it so much harder than it already was. I'm only now realising how bad it actually was and it just shocks me to the core.

blue I know what you mean about the flowers, when I've taken flowers I do go back and clear them away and either take fresh ones or something to leave there. We have 3 windchimes in the tree nearest her now, they are beautiful; and we've replaced and added to the things on her grave. Poor dd :(

Morning girls xx

Hi girls, I'm sorry i have not been on here much lately.

caz I am so sorry you are having a rough time just now, I am thinking of you.

So, so sorry to hear about your little boy nikijc.

Just popping by to say Santander finally sent their £3500 donation to Sands!

It has taken Belle's overall total to a massive £9320.74!!!! How amazing is that! I'm really quite gobsmacked!