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Bereavement

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Original poster

anyone is grieving for a parent

828 replies

2shoes · 20/11/2010 23:40

I know there is an existing thread where lots of lovely people have supported each other through what is a horrid time, but as I come up to the 2nd Christmas without my dear old Dad and SM, I would like to somehow move on and I suppose help others through this as well as helping myself.
(hope that doesn't sound crap)
so a bit of background
My mum died when I was 18 after years of ill health.
so I got a SM.
we weren't close close but got on well.
she became ill and died a 1 1/2 years ago, then my darling Dad got ill.
he died 6 months(or there abouts later)
I miss him every day.
and thank the lovely Mumsnetters who have helped me through this.
but i can't post on the old thread,
it takes me right back there, so I am hopig a new thread, will get us all talking and allow new posters to join in.........

OP posts:
aristocat · 15/12/2011 13:53

i have my parents wedding anniversary tomorrow, it could have been 62 years Sad

mummylin2495 · 15/12/2011 22:51

the anniversaries and birthdays etc are always going to be so sad for all of us.All we can do is get through the day as best we can and to know that others are wishing us well when each of us is feeling so low.that would of been a massive achievment aristocat.Hope you get through the day and remember the happier times.

festi · 15/12/2011 23:13

missing my mum today it is my birtday, I have had 50+ birthday messages on facebook mostly people who have only wished me a happy birthday because i appeared in a little box saying its festis birthday blah blah, most of them are people I dont have anything to do with from each day to another, but what has upset me is not one of my brothers or my sister have wished me a happy birthday. my sister even passed me in the playground today and barely had a hi... hello, let alone happy birthday....that is fucking sad isnt it. wish my mum could be here to enjoy it with me.

feeling sorry for my self sorry.

wahwahwah · 16/12/2011 11:28

It doesn't matter what age you are, you need your mum! Try not to let your family bug you. They can be quite thoughtless sometimes (especially when you say 'don't make a fuss'and they take you on your word!)

Have a lovely birthday. Do something nice for yourself and raise a glass to mum.

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear festi,
Happy birthday to YOU!

mummylin2495 · 16/12/2011 12:49

festi i too wish you a happy birthday.I will be sad without my mum on my next birthday too.Enjoy yourself as much as posible and have this from me Wine

aristocat · 16/12/2011 13:18

happy birthday for yesterday festi mine is in a couple of weeks too, i agree it doesnt matter how old we are - we all need our moms

wahwahwah · 19/12/2011 10:00

How are you today festi?

We are in the final week before Christmas. The kids, big and small are getting all excited and people are going crazy in the shops, trying to get last minute bargains and Heston Blumenthals Christmas pud with an orange in it! I am considering writing the last few cards and buying in industrial sized packs of twiglets and quality street. I will also buy some cherry brandy, which no one will drink, and baileys Irish cream, which we may drink, as these were mums favourite Christmas drinks. I shall also put the VSOP brandy in the fruit salad. This is a family tradition, as mum did this years ago (put dads best booze in a fruit salad, and we only realised when he tasted it and commented on how nice it was. Oh yes said mum, I used this!). We still chortle over that one!

Anyway... I am rambling on to let you know that this time of year is for family, those with us and those not. I make sure that I have portraits of the folks around (I have been known to talk to them) and always raise a toast to them. The love of your parents will never go, and all they ever want from us is that we are happy, looking forward and bringing to our own children the lessons we learned from them (but not the one about putting butter on a burn).

I know it is sad and you won't really feel like you ought to, but try to recreate the happy Christmases you had when you were a child, so that your children will have the same memories when they grow up.

scarborough1980 · 20/12/2011 10:39

Hi. Just feel the need to rejoin this thread as Christmas is looming. Mum died 2 days before Mothers Day this year and my dad died 20 years ago. I have shed so many tears in the last week or so. Spending time with MIL is especially difficult. I know I will get through Christmas as I have 3 young children but it's so hard. Sorry to everyone feeling sad.

TheFarSide · 20/12/2011 11:53

I am also facing my first Xmas without my mum. My dad wants us to enjoy it as a homage to her, so that's what we will be trying to do, but I'm feeling pretty apprehensive. Good luck to everyone in the same situation.

mummylin2495 · 20/12/2011 22:55

I am Joining all of you who will be spending xmas without their mum for the first time.Quite frankly i am dreading it.My dh and i usually go up to mums house about 9am as she wont open any gifts until we get there.Instead this year i will be going to the cemetery to take her flowers ect.i do not have to cook this year as we are spending the rest of the day with my married son but i am so afraid i am going to be a misery and spoil if for the others ,there will be 10 of us there altogether.I am still in utter shock at my mum dying so unexpectedly and i think the shock has made it harder to accept it somehow.I have also decided i will not be going out this new years eve, we normally join our group of friends at the pub for a disco etc,but i cant face being surrounded by happy people and also not being able to make my normal call at midnight to my lovely mum.This is going to be tough for all of us who are feeling so sad,but i suppose its something we all have to go through and something we all have to face up to.But its so hard Sad All we can do is get through the day as best we can and try and think of happy times spent with the ones we have now lost.

aristocat · 20/12/2011 23:15

Mummylin i know exactly what you mean about going to the pub and enjoying yourselves. it was Dec 1999 when i lost my Dad and it seemed that the Whole World was celebrating the millenium and i couldnt have been more heartbroken Sad

that christmas/new year was awful for myself and my mom (didnt know it would be her last one Sad) or we might have tried harder.

please dont be hard on yourself - the rest of your family are also coping with losing your mom. perhaps you can light a candle/say a prayer/ remember her together. you are right it is very hard and i am sorry to say that it is still hard years later

scarborough1980 · 22/12/2011 17:50

I am going out for dinner with the in-laws. In some ways I am glad it's a break from the norm. I will have to be ok for dc but I think I will need some quiet time too.

mummylin2495 · 23/12/2011 11:20

Well only a couple of days to go and i am getting very edgy.I have to go to the cemetery to take things for my mum and sisters graves.I have not been able to face going there since we had mums ashes interred.I am worried they will not of grassed over the area and it will just be a pile of dirt on the grave.It is a full size grave as originally mum wanted to be buried so we bought the plot next to my sister for mum ,dh and myself.But mum changed her mind and wanted to be cremated but still be in that plot.So although its only mums ashes there for some reason which they did explain at the time they had to dig full size even though ashes are in a little casket.It was something to do with the earth collapsing when they come to dig it up again.Yesterday i made all the mince pies for the rest of the family,this is what my mum did every year.IT was about 9 dozen in total !! aristocat hope scan went ok

mummylin2495 · 24/12/2011 13:38

To all of you that are grieving for your parent , i would like to wish you the best xmas posible in the circumstances.I myself am fearful of tomorow,i dont want a meltdown because it will spoil the day for everyone else, bu i know all our loved ones will be in our hearts,now and forever.

JingleAllTheWay · 24/12/2011 13:48

Finding it hard this year and my mum died 11 years ago, my dad nearer 30 years ago. Christmas is hard isn't it?

mummylin2495 · 24/12/2011 14:23

for me it will only be 8 weeks to the day.I am trying to appear "normal" but inside my heart is broken.

newpup · 24/12/2011 14:49

My darling Dad died this summer, this is our first xmas without him Sad I hate watching how heartbroken my DM is. Is is soooooo hard.

aristocat · 24/12/2011 16:13

Wishing everyone the best Christmas and thinking of our loved ones that are no longer here to share it with us x

magicOC · 24/12/2011 16:36

!6 years today since mum went. Dad went a few years ago too. This year is hard, no idea why.

NoPinkPlease · 24/12/2011 20:01

Wishing you all comfort in happy memories - that's what I'm trying anyway. Just went to Christmas eve mass, Ddad was with us last year - really sad tonight.

Thinking of you all tomorrow x

Sexonlegs · 24/12/2011 21:56

Hello all.

Another here facing Christmas without Mum, although she was bed-ridden this time last year :( Christmas Day last year was the last time my dd's and dh saw Mum, and I am feeling so emotional. DD2 (4) has been talking a lot about Gran. She wants to be able to fly so she can fly to heaven and see her. I have wept in the cafe at Asda lately too, as a lady was so sweet to me, and after speaking to my auntie (mum's only sister) yesterday, I cried loads!

It is just shit. I feel robbed. I know people go through much worse. Mum was 67; she used to say, if I get to 70 and start being a pita, shoot me. She never made it.

Dad is coming over tomorrow, which will be lovely, but I want to stay strong for him, but not sure I can.

Sorry for the rant.

And I am sorry for everyone facing Christmas without their loved ones. xx

Hassledge · 24/12/2011 22:03

I'm so sorry - well for all of us - but especially for those where it is so recent and raw. I'm sort of used to that point during Christmas where I have a little weep into my gin, but it's been years now - nearly 9 for Dad, nearly 29 for Mum.

But I'll stick on Dad's favourite Calypso tracks and give them both a toast. Just hold on to all those happy memories.

mummylin2495 · 24/12/2011 22:23

I for one will be glad when tomorrow has . On sat night 8 weeks ago,i kissed my mum goodbye in the hospital and told her i would see her tomorrow.But i didnt Sad

PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 25/12/2011 22:54

Hi everyone, can I gate crash?

It's not fooking fair! I want my dad Sad

4th Christmas without him and I miss him more than ever today.

Rosemallow · 25/12/2011 23:13

Another gatecrasher here! Miss my dad so much, he died of cancer 13 years ago and although day to day things are easier times like this and at random times it still hurts as much as ever. :(
I'm so sad he never got to meet my DC as he would have been the best grandad ever. Unfortunately their other grandparents just don't cut it. Mum has had a shit time since he died and tries her best but lives a long way away and GPs on the other side are not very nice people.
As well as being my dad I'd reached an age where we were friends too and we used to chat a lot and I still feel the guilt of him telling me he was worried about the fact he had lost lots of weight in a short period of time and me laughing it off as he was a bit overweight. :(
Sorry I'm waffling but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this IRL. People don't seem to understand how much it still hurts even 13 years on.

So sorry to everyone else on this thread who have lost their wonderful parents. I hope you can take some comfort in your memories like i do.
I only hope I can be half as loving and supportive to my own DC as he was to me.

Love you dad xxx