anyone is grieving for a parent

[2shoes]

I know there is an existing thread where lots of lovely people have supported each other through what is a horrid time, but as I come up to the 2nd Christmas without my dear old Dad and SM, I would like to somehow move on and I suppose help others through this as well as helping myself.
(hope that doesn't sound crap)
so a bit of background
My mum died when I was 18 after years of ill health.
so I got a SM.
we weren't close close but got on well.
she became ill and died a 1 1/2 years ago, then my darling Dad got ill.
he died 6 months(or there abouts later)
I miss him every day.
and thank the lovely Mumsnetters who have helped me through this.
but i can't post on the old thread,
it takes me right back there, so I am hopig a new thread, will get us all talking and allow new posters to join in.........

Thanks Sexonlegs. I read your post about feeling guilty you were not in the room with your mum when she died. There is always something to feel guilty about. Although I was with my mum when she died, I wish I had spent more time with her and phoned her more often before she got to that stage. I guess our mums knew we loved them though and would forgive us.

welcome to our lovely thread TheFarSide so for you, we just share our grief, which is a good way of helping each other.
life does continue, but it is so different without them. it has been almost 12 years for me now and there will always be an emptiness inside me.

please take care of yourself in these early weeks, make sure you eat, drink and sleep. thinking of you.

Thanks aristo. I am certainly eating and drinking plenty . I am currently worrying about my dad who's in the house on his own. I'm two hours' drive away and can't get down there as much as I would like.

My Dad died today. I didn't think we were close, but I feel about 8. I can't stop crying. My Daddy's gone.

Sorry to hear your sad news festie. My mum died two weeks' ago and the grief took me by surprise. I wouldn't have said we were very close, but we still loved each other very much and it has been very painful to lose her. Look after yourself.

Thanks farside - It's my reaction that has surprised me as much as anything else. I suppose losing a parent is always gonna be a biggy. Sorry to hear about your mum too. x

festie big ((hug)) to you. so sorry that you are going through this too, please post away on here - we are super listeners.

amd farside]]

I know my dad is grieving for my mum, but he seems intent on clearing out all her things straight away. I've rescued some jewellery and scarves but I'm in fear that he'll start throwing away personal papers and photos. He seems very angry at the moment, talking about getting rid of clutter and how it's his house and he can do what he wants. I need some time to grieve before I start going though her things but at this rate there won't be anything left to go through. It doesn't help that I live 100 miles away so I can't just pop round regularly. How have your surviving parents reacted?

She's only been gone just over two weeks.

My mum died last week unexpectedly,i am utterly heartbroken and dont know how i will get through her funeral which is tomorrow.The date is just three days from the date my sister died,so it has been the most awful week ,not just for me but my siblings too, especially my other sister who is expecting twins and now mum wont be here to see them.

mummylin so sorry - what an awful time for you. sending you love and strength for tomorrow and the future.

we are always here on this thread to offer support and hand holding. feel free to tell us as much or as little as you want to share.

TheFarSide - my dad still won't go through my mum's things. My lovely mum died in 2009. I worry that he can't move on and sometimes it feels like she has just stepped outside and that is very hard to deal with as she isn't coming back. I have a 9 month old dd who is the light of my life - rolling around sqawking as I type and a wonderful dh, dad and sister. But I feel bereft - today is my birthday and it should be hers in a few days and like a child I just want my mum - I am 39. I have found this thread because this has been building for days and I don't know how to talk to anyone about it. We all do so well with the grief on the surface and I feel as though I should be past this but just lately I seem to be going backwards!!! I know this is normal but is it normal to feel so low and on the verge of tears all the time?

How will i get through tomorrow? i am utterly heartbroken.i cant bear the thought i wont see her again.She used to pop in nearly everyday for a cup of tea or just for a chat.

Hi mummylin - so sorry for your loss - I did mean to say that in my post before. I'm afraid there are no answers with this and I hope you get through tomorrow ok. The only choice we have really is to keep moving forward and go one day at a time. I'm sorry I don't have any wise words but you have all my sympathy.

mummylin I do wish you well for tomorrow. Don't worry about putting on a brave face or anything. I really didn't have my act together at all for my mum's funeral but everybody was very kind and supportive. It's an extremely emotional time.

mummylin you will be fine. i can remember being a wreck at my Dads funeral and at my Moms too. do you have a DH/DP to walk with you, personally my DH was amazing and i cant imagine how i would have coped without him.
will be thinking of you tomorrow.

bluestripe i hope your emotions are normal because mine are the same hope you have had a nice birthday today. it has been almost 12 yrs since i lost my parents (Dad Dec 1999 and Mom July 2000) and i have only recently been able to talk about them without bursting into tears.

i still miss them every day and my life feels so empty - even though i have a super DH, DS and DD. sending you ((hugs)) and strength too.

Just to let you know that yesterday although a terrible ordeal went very smoothly.My brother was a star in reading out a letter that mum had left for all of her children.Thankyou for the messages of support. We still have the internment of her ashes to face but that will be next Monday.The worst has happened in that she has left us.

Glad to hear it went OK mummylin. You are not alone.

Hi. I haven't been on here for a while. I lost my mom in September and posted a couple of times but I've found it too hard to post again. That's my big problem really. I can't talk about it in RL and I'm finding it nearly as hard to do it here. It's like a really awful open wound that's there all the time but if I don't look at it or touch it I can pretend its not there.

I don't know why I've put up this wall but if anyone asks how I am the standard response is "I'm ok thanks. Good days and bad days." I feel like I'm telling them what they want to hear but the truth is I'm not doing very well at all. Another poster used a good word - bereft. That's how I feel. Totally bereft.

I'm ok as long as I keep busy but the minute I stop it overwhelms me. Driving is becoming a problem because that's when I tend to get a quiet moment. I often find myself driving to or from work with tears streaming down my face. It can't be safe.

I know I need to talk to someone. I'm finding it hard to open up to DH and my siblings are dealing with their own grief. I'm the eldest and I feel like I need to support them.

I'm not really looking for any answers. Logically, I know time will heal. It has helped to pour it all out here so thank you to anyone who reads this. I'll try to keep posting.

I think I'm about to join you very soon. Dad rang this evening to say that mum is being moved to a hospice as soon as it can be arranged. I think that means she has a week or so left.

She's been very ill for a very long time. I didn't expect her to see me graduate (15 years ago) but she kept fighting and saw me married and has met both her grand children. She so loves being a granny and gets so much joy from our children and has just begun to develop a relationship with DD(2) now that DD has words and can talk and sing and do puzzles. Mum was too frail to be able to pick her up and cuddle her so it had to be a relationship based on shared activities.

We took the children down to see her 2 weeks ago and she was able to meet and hold DS (then 2 weeks old). I am just gutted that they have the best granny in the world and they won't get the opportunity to know her.

((hug)) to you footballmum it is so very hard isnt it? i wish that i had all the answers for us but sadly i dont it will get easier but its only because we have to accept the change in our lives
christmas and the new year are always going to be difficult times of year for so many reasons.
you are welcome to PM me if you want to chat

golemmings thinking of you too, and your lovely family

Thanks aristocat. I can't even think about Christmas at the moment. I haven't bought a single present or card and just can't muster up any enthusiasm. I know I've got to for the sake of the DSs.

Sorry to hear about your mum Lemming. I don't think it matters how long they've been ill, you're never prepared when the end is near. I understand what you mean about her not having a relationship with your children. It breaks my heart too. I try to keep her memory alive by talking about her but I'm so emotional at the moment, it's hard to do. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx

Just popping in to see how things are.

I am so sorry for everyone going through this horrendous situation. Mummylin, I am glad the funeral went as well as these things can.

Footballmum, you sound so sad; I wish I could help in some way. September was onl a short time ago, so things will still be very raw. Please keep posting on here if you feel you can.

Lemming, I am so sorry that your Mum is so ill :( Cherish the time you have left (such an obvious thing to say and I don't mean to sound patronising).

All ok here. This time last year was the beginning of the end for my lovely Mum, and Dad and I have been feeling quite melancholy. I can barely remember last Christmas; what I do know is that is was the last time our dd's saw their gran, and my Mum told me how she loved me lots and I looked gorgeous in a dress I chose and she paid for. Breaks my bloody heart.

Hang on in there ladies, let's stick together.