how long after you lose a dh/dw did you wear your wedding ring? I still feel very much married

[snowkitten]

lost dh on April 2nd this year . Someone recently commented that I am still wearing my wedding and engagement ring. I don't find this odd as I still feel married. Is it odd?

thank you all. I intend to wear them for as long as I feel I want to. It feels so odd to even say the word 'widow' when you are asked your status on forms. Jsut doesn't sit right. Thanks you for your kind thoughts and words.

My cousin is a widower now having lost his wife three weeks ago. I can't even begin to think of him like that - seems so utterly wrong. I think I almost prefer the v old fashioned way of describing the surviving partner as the relic of x. Weird word but still shows that joint identity. Widower/widow is like a whole new thing isn't it? A new state which excludes your loved one - all pretty horrible.

My DH1 died after six months of marriage in 1989. I wore his ring until I got engaged to DH2 when I moved it to my right hand.

I have only recently taken it off after 18 years of marriage to DH2.

Wear it as long as you want to. I am very sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. I think that comment was extremely insensitive. My grandmother wore her wedding ring for 30odd years till she married her second husband, and even then wore both engagement rings and her new wedding ring. Wear it for as long as you want to.

My DH1 died in 1992 after 3 years of marriage. The shock left me completely useless and unable to answer any questions of "so, what does your husband do" etc when people assumed I was married (on seeing my wedding ring etc). I took it off after 3 months. In some ways, I think it's the right thing to do, as it moves you into the acceptance mode. But it's your decision. If you have children who are old enough to notice, they may feel like you have "forgotten" Daddy already. If you have little ones, the choice is yours. But remember, the inlaws will notice, and you should probably explain why you have done it.

My in-laws were ghastly afterwards and very much blamed me for DH1's death (heart attack at age 31). They didn't even expect me/want me to keep his surname. We had no children. So I did keep it. Even now, with DH2, I still use it as my professional name (a two fingers to them).

You do what feels right to you. If you can't handle personal questions, take it off for a while. It can always go back on.

With love from someone who has been there too.

Mrsgypsy at your in-laws. I know they'd lost their child but to expect you to give up your married name . That must have been terribly hard for you.

Snowkitten, I would be furious if someone suggested that to me! My dh passed away at the end of March and I think it would be an insult to all of us including our 3 kids to remove my wedding ring.

I still feel married.

Thinking of you

I'd be very surprised if you weren't still wearing it, but I wouldn't comment either way. Sorry for your loss.

This is something often debated on widow(er)'s forums and the general conclusion is that you do whatever feels right for you. Personally I took mine off on the first wedding anniversary after DW's death (about 10 months). I now have three rings (2 wedding and an engagement ring) and three kids one for each of them at the right moment.

So sorry for your loss snowkitten :(

When my MIL took off her weddings about a year after FIL passed away we all found it quite strange that she had, she's never mentioned it and neither have we but we just presumed she would wear them forever.

I guess it's just part of moving on - everyone needs to do what feels right for them

I can't believe anyone has asked this question. I would wear mine forever, if only on the right hand. After all this is a death and not a divorce.

Sorry for your loss

My grandad died 26 yrs ago, my nan (his wife) died last Monday and was still wearing her wedding ring.

I think you should wear it as long as you want to.

Sorry to hear that your husband died, very rude of someone to comment like that.
I wore my ring for 13 months after Steve died, like DIOM I took it off on our anniversary, in some ways I felt safer wearing it when out and about as I felt vunerable but as time moved on I felt ok about it, I moved it onto the other hand then took it off a while later, do whatever feels right for you.

I heard Vince Cable interviewed on R4 a couple of years ago. His first wife died and he has remarried. He now wears 2 rings on his wedding finger. his view is that his first wife is the mother of his children and still a very important part of his family and his life. He said his second wife understood completely too.

Yes Zero I think when you marry someone who is widowed it is very important you are able to accept that their first spouse is still relevant and part of the equation.

My dad dies in 1993, and my mother still wears her wedding and engagement rings, and his signet ring (he did not wear a wedding ring. She has been with someone else for about 8 years, but that has not changed the life and family she had with my dad.

I still (10 years later) wear my and DH's wedding ring. It altenates between my left and right hand as one of them rubs and makes a place so I just swap them over

The only comment I have had was from my MIL who was shocked as I had worn my wedding ring on my right hand months after DH died due to severe exzema.... you cant win lol

So sorry for your loss.

My dad died nearly 3 years ago. For about 2 years Mum wore his ring on a chain around her neck (he had big fingers). However recently she has had their wedding rings merged together and it looks beautiful.

Do whatever makes you happy.

' It feels so odd to even say the word 'widow' when you are asked your status on forms. Jsut doesn't sit right'

I had great difficulty getting into conversation that I was a widow. I took off my rings so that people wouldn't assume that I was married but it didn't make any difference-no one appeared to notice!I put them back on. Don't remove them because of other people-do what you want to.

I have just read your OP again and see that you have only been a widow for a few short months-with no time to come to terms with it-I am so sorry. I can't imagine how anyone could be so insensitive to comment.
Have you tried the wayfoundation for young widows? I wish it had been around when I was a young widow-it helped me enormously to talk to others in a similar position who really knew what it felt like.

Advice please. I’ve been dating a widower for 6 months and he asked me to get engaged recently. He is a widower of 7 years. He has her photos in the house as well as her ashes which I’ve always been supportive of. He took his wedding ring off months ago. I have just been told when he goes out, he puts his wedding ring back on and then takes it back off before coming home to me. Would you be Concerned? Can I ask people’s thoughts and options. Any advice also how to approach this? I feel concerned myself that he is not emotionally ready

Better to start a new thread @Rebecca344

Of course it's not odd. Why should you have to remove your rings?

I'm still wearing my wedding ring and sometimes wear my engagement or eternity ring. My DH died more than three years ago.

My MIL wore her wedding ring for over 30 years after her DH died (I don't feel that I can call him FIL as I never met him) until it became too fragile and she took it off in case she lost it.

DDad died 30 years ago.
DM still wears her wedding and engagement rings.