PLEASE help - fussy eater (2.5) getting worse and worse

[helenabeth]

DS2 has been very limited in what he eats since just before his first birthday - eighteen months ago. He's got worse and worse, to the extent that now he will only eat:

1. crisps
2. yoghurt
3. fruit
4. dry bread
5. dry cereal

6.bread sticks/biscuits

1. milk

I'm at my wits' end. Feel as though I've tried everything. My HV said the doctor won't take it seriously if he's not losing weight. But so often he's tired and weepy and i know it's because he's hungry. Any magic solutions? Please?

i was watching jo frost when her last program was on and she had some great tips:

Distraction- try a picnic?
talk about your day

Dont make a fuss- put the food down in front of him and you sit and eat with him

Always sit at the table

What have u tried already?

Thanks for your response. We've tried All that and more! He loves a picnic, but will only touch those things mentioned above. We always talk about our day. In the week he always has tea with his elder brother and I sit there with them. At weekends we all eat together.He's always happy to come to the table. Am trying not to make a fuss as we've learnt from experience that threats/bribes etc don't work at all. It's just SO hard and I'm beginning to get frightened that he might be doing himself some harm - salt levels etc.

Don't try not to make a fuss. That means you are still putting some pressure on him to eat. Don't make a fuss or put any pressure on at all. If you do you are handing control of your emotions to him on a plate(no pun intended!).

Put the food in front of him, sit and eat your own and don't appear to notice what he is eating. Get him down immediately or very slightly before you think he is ready and don't get him back up to the table until he has asked at the next mealtime.

Don't give him snacks in between meals.

Keep the atmosphere light and happy at mealtimes. Keep chatting and including him in the conversation but don't discuss the food with him at all. Enjoy sharing and trying different foods with his brother but never offer him any. If he asks for something put a bit in front of him and ignore whether he eats it or not.

It goes against the grain I know but it works. The more he feels you wanting him to eat the more difficult he will be about it.

I was that child. Except my diet was probably even more limited. My own daughter is pretty bad now and my Dad always reminds me of what a healthy, energetic child I was.

My parents got into battles of wills with me over food and I'm really trying to never, ever do that with DD, because it was totally counter productive. It's not a battle the parent can win - if a child doesn't want to eat something, they won't eat it. The only think I think might have worked was not making a big deal of food and mealtimes at all and letting me come to things in my own time. Once it was officially A Big Deal it kind of took on its own logic.

It was a complete mental block. Some of the weird issues are still there, e.g. I will happily eat carrots cut lengthwise now, but still can't touch them cut into rounds It sounds (and is, I suppose) mental, but carrots but into rounds I remember as a battleground.

You say he is hungry - can you give him more of the good stuff (bread, yoghurt, milk, cereal)? My DD get hungry and cranky too sometimes but I just let her snack if she's hungry and try to stick to healthier types of snack.

Sorry, I feel your pain and your DS's

Also, good that he likes milk. I think that was what kept me healthy as a child - I really had an iron constitution and was never ill, tons of energy, and like a whippet. DD so far is the same.

Wow, your DS2 sounds just like mine! Each week there are fewer and fewer foods he will eat, his diet is just like your DS, he wont have milk on his cereal and since last week wont eat cereal at all and everything has to be dry or crunchy it seems, nothing with a sauce. Today he's eaten a quarter slice of toast, a pancake (which I was amazed he ate) a bite of a fish finger, half a yogurt and a biscuit. This is generally what he eats most days and although he is not losing weight he is dropping down the centile (spelling?) measurement thing for his weight. I have tried loads of methods too, I found a site www.fussy-eaters.com/ which gives pointers to people who selectively eat (they have real problems trying new foods) although I don't think my child has this, I think my DS not eating habit is related to his very large tonsils, which evidently there is a link to that and small appetites (which they eventually grow out of). Does your DS have any adenoid/tonsil, ENT problems? I havent been to see doctor yet but am going to ask HV too. I read something somewhere that suggests calories are what they need from anywhere , so add cream to the milk (not sure if this is advised, but it makes sense to me). So they say all the things they like are back on the menu - crisps, biscuits, the lot, whatever they will eat. I am a bit about this as surely it sets up bad eating habits as I know my little one would love it if I just offered him crisps and biscuits. If you are not already, give him multivitamins. I know just how you feel.

"Put the food in front of him, sit and eat your own and don't appear to notice what he is eating. "

This definitely works.

No snacks I struggle with because I'd prefer to give DD an apple or a breadstick if she asks for one than have her beside herself and tantrummy because she's hungry.

I totally feel for you!! my son is 2 and 3 months and I went through a long period of getting really stressed about how little he ate and dreaded meal times. We just kept persevering offering him exactly what we had, trying not to make a fuss and making sure we didn't cave in and give him "toast" which is what he always wanted.

Although your little ones diet is limited look at the positives, he is getting some of the main food groups. Easy for me to say I know but perseverance totally pays off!!

all the best

Doh! Sorry got distracted mid post. DDs arguing over violin practise!
I meant to say no snacks but except fruit so he's not filling himself up. Being hungry at mealtimes really helps. I don't mean distressed hungry I mean ready for a meal which he won't be if he's eaten a load of bread an hour earlier.

That'll teache me to re-read before I post!

Thanks so much everyone - it's comforting to know he's not the only contrary child in the world! Airborne - not as far as I know. He had two serious cases of croup in the autumn where we had to be blue lighted to hospital, but apart from that he has coughs and colds like any other child.
Al1son, the only snacks he has are Humzingers (dried fruit sticks that remind me of animal poo) or fruit.You are right, he must be feeling the pressure from me as although some days I can not let it faze me, I'm finding it hard at the moment. Probably something to do with the fact that DS3 is still feeding every 2 hours day and night (oh the irony!)
Taking the boys off for a picnic at a nearby castle for lunch and I will be the queen of calm today. Promise!

Have fun hope you all enjoy yourself

My DN had a child psychologist for this. Her advice (she was one of the consultants on 'little angels') was relax, let him eat what he wants to keep up his appetite, gradually almost nonchalantly introduce new foods, if you find it too stressful to be in the same room when he eats make yourself very busy sew on buttons do whatever it takes to not notice, messy eating is good, making food is good.

Good luck!!! also have a look at his meal intake over a week and see if he getting the foods he needs, children have an amazing way of extracting nutrition from thin air!!

I don't get this letting them only eat what they like business - your DS isn't eating a good balanced diet.

I would start by cutting out the crisps & sugary yogurt & offer him foods that the rest of the family are eating. Give him small portions & if he doesn't want to eat it, say fine, do you want to go play & let him go.

Don't let him fill up on milk/juices either.
Don't make any fuss, hunger will get the better of him.

My friend had a situation with her DD, when she was about 1yr old. Her friend also had the same problem. My friend pandered to her DD, the other friend did the above & very quickly turned around the situation. My friends DD is still fussy (age 7) & incredibly is fat because all she's ever to eat wanted (& got) is junk.

Yes some kids do have small appetites. My dd2, if given something like a hobnob at toddler group, won't be able to eat her lunch. DD1 on the other hand, would eat a horse !

agree with lovingthesun - only takes a tiny bit of food to sate my DD and put her off her lunch - and there are always biscuits at playgroup!

So, having got fed up with this and not wanting the 'i want a biscuit ' 'no' tantrum - I now offer her a snack before we get there - apple or cucumber or cheese etc etc so at least i know she has had something other than biscuits and hey presto today it worked, she had her apple and when it was time for biscuits, she took one bite of a chocolate biscuit and put it down!!! It does mean on playgroup day her lunch is paltry but at least she has snacked.

Still fussy about trying new food though.

Best way I have found is to be out and about - too busy for tantrums then she is really hungry by lunch / tea time that she will eat what i put in front of her. Also, I dont say No anymore if she asks for things I dont want her to fill up on, instead I say yes, when you have finished your meal!

how about having some fun times with food? sounds like your DS is getting really stressed about even being around certain foods - so do some "artwork" with various food stuffs - get him used to a variety of textures and smells and get him really comfortable with being around these foods. Make sure he knows it's all about fun and don't even mention eating things.

ah yes,missymessy, we have that too - now DD1 says, when I've finished my tea I'm having xx for pudding.

Also could try making things , like pizza, adding sweetcorn & tasting that, the sauce etc along the way.

lovingthesun, I take your point. I always put what we're having in front of him. He gets v upset and just pushes it away. Got him to touch a green bean yesterday by pretending it was a magic wand, but no way would he put it near his mouth. He loves cooking, but refuses to eat what we make, whether it be cakes, pasta sauce or pizza. He's incredibly stubborn, so I am worried that he will make himself seriously ill before he gets better. He loved having his picnic yesterday, which consisted of grapes and a drink as he wouldn't touch his sandwich. He will even tell me he's hungry but won't eat what's in front of him.We've cleared all the crisps out the house.
Out of interest, how long do I do the 'ignore it and not worry' for? A few days? A week? It's heartbreaking.

My DD is nearly 18 months and only has formula, dried fruit, real fruit, yoghurt and the odd bit of bread. As she has slipped to 2nd centile from 25th we have been told to get her eating ANYTHING, the higher calorie the better. Jessica Seinfeld has written a recipe book called Deceptively Delicious which is basically about hiding foods in other foods, which might be worth a look for now...you can reason with him more about nutrition when he is older.

Hi My little boy 2.5 is not talking in sentences yet. He has 50 plus words ma ma da da, car , bird, shoe, sock, hello etc but not even more juice or thank you. His hearing seems fine. I am really worried he has a speech delay. He is very active and physical development seems fine. Please tell me knot to worry!

I completely feel your pain helenabeth. DS was exactly the same as your DS - same diet, although we eventually got referred as he was slipping through the centiles.

Doctor/Consultant only really checks that there is nothing physically stopping them eating, although dietician was useful.

His eating (or lack of it) was breaking my heart, and I had read every book and researched every article on what to do.

In the end, I went against all respected advice and started to mince chicken and pork; which i added to stuff I knew he would eat - like fairy cakes. I also used those Ellas sachets and added them to drinking yoghurt - it gave me the confidence that he was getting some protein and veg (and believe me, the whole process massively knocked my confidence as a Mum).

From there we basically started bribery [I know, I know] - let him choose a few new toys and he got to open the packet if he tried some cheese, or sausage, or whatever. Catch was, if he didn't eat it the next time, toy got taken away. Once he got used to that, introduced more new foods very slowly and only a tiny bit at a time.

I know bribery doesn't work for everyone, but perhaps we struck lucky! He is still a slowwwww eater - but will try most things now and we are a much happier family now we don't have to take a Tupperware container of crackers and breadsticks with us everywhere.

Best of luck!

well, it's good he is eating fruit. From what you describe, sounds like the main thing he is lacking is protein.

There is protein in cheese - will he eat cheese?

What about eggs? Omlette?

I do feel for you, my DD is the same age (2.5) and is also very fussy.

She will not eat any veg at all - not even potato. But she will eat fruit.

I would like to know the answer to your question too: "how long do I do the 'ignore it and not worry' for? A few days? A week?"

It truly is heartbreaking to see them hungry.

Thanks all. No, GetDown, no cheese or eggs. Tonight was yet another plateful of food ignored. I spoke to the local chemist yeasterday, and she recommended we have a 'tonic' for him ratyer than multivitamins, as they shouldn't have those till they're 3. So the next horror may be getting him to take that!
Your support is much appreciated, all. It's so hard not to feel a failure because of it all. My eldest eats well, and we've done exactly the same with DS2, so logically I should be able to see that much of it is due to personality. Who could answer the 'how long' question? any ideas?

Well if you work on the principle that the more you push it the less he will eat I don't think there should be a time limit. It's more a case of permanently changing your attitude to his eating, thereby changing his. Would he suddenly start eating more if you put the pressure back on? My guess would be no but you know your son best.

If you really feel that you have to be doing something active after a while then make it positive praise. Clap hands, big smile and say well done every time he eats something he was unsure about but only ever react to him eating - never to him not eating.

I know it is heartbreaking and it feels like neglect. It's hard but putting pressure on does make it worse. Just imagine how you feel if you have to eaat something you don't fancy and then imagine feeling pressured to do it every mealtime. It would be enough to make me refuse everything that was offered and want to go and choose for myself.

I am in a similar situation. My one resolution was to never make this into a war - DS is so stubborn, we could end up with an evil atmosphere at every mealtime. And short of holding him down and forcing stuff down his throat I don't see how I can make him eat stuff.

I think the ignore and keep offering thing is the best way to go. The snack thing is more difficult for me as I have discovered that DS is likely to eat more if his blood sugar hasn't dipped into seriously low. So we have found that a high calorie snack at about three pm actually helps him eat more of a meal.

What we have been doing is offering whatever the rest of us are having plus something I know he will eat, in this case baked beans, cheese or toast. That way I know he will eat something at least. He is just starting to try other stuff now. This is a great advance, even though he doesn't eat that much of it. I will always offer a yoghurt or fruit after every meal too. I really don't think pudding should be a reward for eating your dinner and besides, I want to get as many calories into him as possible.

Good luck. Everyone who hasn't had a fussy eater is convinced it is due to their brilliant management. We know that is rubbish, you just deal with the child you get the best you can.