PLEASE help - fussy eater (2.5) getting worse and worse

[helenabeth]

DS2 has been very limited in what he eats since just before his first birthday - eighteen months ago. He's got worse and worse, to the extent that now he will only eat:

1. crisps
2. yoghurt
3. fruit
4. dry bread
5. dry cereal

6.bread sticks/biscuits

1. milk

I'm at my wits' end. Feel as though I've tried everything. My HV said the doctor won't take it seriously if he's not losing weight. But so often he's tired and weepy and i know it's because he's hungry. Any magic solutions? Please?

Everyone has said what to do and there have been good suggestions. Here is what NOT to do.
Please never, never force feed him. My friend would regularly force feed her DD when she was a very fussy eater and it made things so much worse. She now eats more foods but will only eat such a small amount and is very underweight.

Is he ever constipated, my niece suffers badly and we notice it is worse when she struggles to eat. Quite simply if he is 'backed up' he will not be able to fill up on foods.

It looks like he either likes dry or wet foods, don't panic on the dry cereal, if he likes milk he can drink it alongside.
Yogurt is fine but try him on a natural or greek yogurt with pureed fruit. Less ingredients and less sugat then kiddy yogurt.

Try painting with food, chocolate whip or cold custard,. Encourage him to get his hands in and do the same. Lick your fingers clean and he might follow your example.

Don't pressure him as he will show his stubborn side, introduce foods slowly alongside his preferred meals. And try and distract him, maybe eat in front of the telly. Dieticians discourage this as kids don't take notice of what or how much they are eating so you could sneak in different foods.

Hope any of this helps

Ds seemed to live off thin air all through his toddler years.

Now at 6 he eats more than me .

i'm going to do a hunt on here for you - there was a really good support thread going for stressed mothers of fussy eaters with some really good advice!

will have a look!

helenabeth - I really sympathise. It's v worrying and frustrating when your child is so fussy. I have 3 dds and none of them are brilliant eaters but my middle dd (7) is by far the worst. She eats NO fruit or veg at all (except fruit juice and Innocent smoothies - better than nothing). And as for her other food, she lives on pasta and only eats plain food with no sauce. I've tried all sorts of approaches over the years but the more of an issue it becomes the more they dig their heels in.

Completely agree with what others have said - don't force him to eat, don't pressurise him or stand over him. Long term you want him to have a healthy attitude to eating and I'm afraid some parents do little to encourage that. Food should be fun and enjoyable and that's the message you want to convey.

The thing is, he WILL get better but probably not in the timescale you would like. It may take many, many years. Think about it - how common is fussy eating in children? Very, very common. And of those, most grow into adults who eat most things. I've tried all sorts of things with my own dd - rewards, sticker charts etc...but with her it's just not going to work. I feel I've been waiting ages for her diet to improve but 7 is still really quite a young child. It may take until teens or adulthood until she gets a bit more adventurous.

Personally I wouldn't encourage distracting or eating in front of the telly. I would still encourage proper table manners even if he's eating very little. I would try just putting a tiny bit of a new food on his plate and don't fuss. You want to normalise (for him) the foods he refuses. Make sure he sees YOU eating a wide variety of foods. Let him help you prepare things and handle foods without encouraging him to try. One day he might.

Above all, don't worry. Yes his diet is very limited but he's getting protein from milk. Some children really do seem to survive on very few nutrients. There is no magic solution but you are not alone! Good luck.

sorry couldnt find it - but i put "fussy eaters" into the search and over 500 results came up!! there must be a lot of MNetters feeling ur pain!

My DD is the same. She now lives on toast or cheese sandwiches. I take the view that she'll eat when she wants to and try not to get myself worked up.

Al1son - when you say 'Put the food in front of him, sit and eat your own and don't appear to notice what he is eating'.

Do you mean put only the food from the family meal in front of him (ie what he won't eat), or a bit of what he likes too? I have a 4.5yr old DS who is very similarly limited in what he eats. If I just put our family meal in front of him he would just say he didn't want it and ask for a sandwich. How do you ignore or not notice that?

Me too! My daughter just turned 2 and the only thing she will eat at dinner time is baby jar food!!!! I know i've made my own rod by ever giving her those balseted things in the first place but i don't know what to do!! She will eat a few chips too and at lunch will try yoghurt and banana. It's so stressful and i find myself getting so wound up and cross-probably not helpful.
You are not alone!

This is so hard. I've been through similar phases with my DS (just over 2). Weaning was a trial, and he has simply never been very interested in food.

It seems to me that there is no one solution, but there is an optimum combination for every child. Our combination includes:

• exercise
• my eating with him (breakfast, lunch and dinner)
• refusing bread when he asks for it (that is: he only gets it when I choose)
• trying to cut down his milk (milk does fill them up)
• nursery or eating with other children, either at home or at a childminder's. I realise nursery/CM may not be practical if you are a SAHM, but it might be interesting to see what happens under the control of another adult (e.g. strict granny). Sometimes, if it is a power-game, someone else can do it. And once it is proven that a child eats, and eats well, that is significant encouragement.

Good luck!

A few things to mention in addition to all the other good advice here

1. Maybe he's teething? Molars can be very sore
2. Maybe he gets low-blood-sugar-whingy and loses the will to eat (happens to me). Possibly try light snacks (like apple slices or raisins) regularly to keep his energy up and give him more of a protein diet, so what he does eat counts.

My LO likes to gnaw on chicken drumsticks, maybe try some new foods to be eaten for novelty value.

Hi

My 2yr old has been fussy. And he used to eat everything I put infront of him all of a sudden no. I got really worried and asked loads of advice from friends and mumsnet
I followed one friends advice put something on his plate that I knew he would eat and a small new thing - it has taken months but he is just started to come round. Know he is a bit older he is starting to understand that if he eats something new he will get something he likes. Also he started nursery a couple of months ago and I think watching the other children eating really helps - peer pressure
You can get vitamins that I added to milk - as he won't eat fruit.
Just keep trying and don't stress

Another fussy one here too (aged 8). He eats a hugely varied diet of bread, cereal, bread, grapes, bread, salad (all types, bizarrely), bread, veg (so long as it's raw), bread, plain pasta, bread, baked beans. And did I mention bread?

I make no fuss at all in the certain knowledge that he will one day branch out into, ooh, pasta with sauce. Though I have to say I am really, genuinely not that worried - which makes it easier not to convey worry (IYSWIM).

Forkhandles, we have exactly the scenario you describe. ("If I just put our family meal in front of him he would just say he didn't want it and ask for a sandwich. How do you ignore or not notice that?") What I do is say: no, you can't have a sandwich. This is what's on offer; you can either eat it or leave it, but there's nothing else. I try to provide, eg, raw carrot/tomatoes so there's something that he can at least nibble at. If he leaves his meal, I remove it without comment. He has no snacks between meals.

As pudding is fruit, there's no mileage in the 'you can have pudding if you eat your first course' thing. Plus I wouldn't want to turn pudding into a big treat anyway.

I figure that if I keep putting the same things on the table, he will eventually try them. It apparently takes something like 50 attempts before a fussy child will eat something new. We all eat together, and always have done, so he's seen mealtimes as pleasant (when not being nagged about table manners by DH) occasions rather than all about food. DD eats anything, so I don't think we've done anything much wrong. It's just the way he is, and he'll grow out of it eventually.

Hello,
Another mum to a fussy eater here. Ds (2.5) seems to be gradually limiting his diet more and more.

I was going to post this week about this, so thanks helenabeth for starting this thread.

Anyway, a question: am I right in thinking you shouldn't pay any extra attention/shower praise if they eat well or something they don't normally eat? Should you just ignore it, or is it better to draw attention to good eating?

Good question, Traveller. I do say "well tried!" very enthusiastically to DS if he tries something unusual like cheese on toast . No idea if this is a good strategy, though!

By the way, how is his sleeping, helenabeth? One of the real delights of my DS's eating properly was that he would sleep though... until about 6.

It's a good idea to put a little of something new on his plate along with preferred food, as someone mentioned above. At the end of the meal if it's not eaten it, just remind him to try it. If refused keep trying, it may take a lot of tries.

My dd is a bit fussy, this is the only way I can introduce new things, hell would freeze over before she would eat a whole serving of something she had not had before!

DD1 is doing the same, and true to form, DD2 is copying. DD2 (18 months) will eat anything if DD1 (2.9) isn't there. So frustrating and I feel like everyone judges what I feed them. Toast, sandwiches and fish fingers. All fruit but no veg. Not one vegetable. How serious is this???

is there an older cousin or sibling or siblings friend that he looks up to? maybe get them to come round and eat with you. this is what cracked potty training for my 3 yr old!

definitely cut out all snacks and juice, and crisps - they are so salty that they make other food taste bland

cooking with children can work - try anything from scones to soup to pasta - the Silver Spoon cookbook for kids is good. or even carrot cake or wholemeal scones ... anything to get food presented as a positive and fun experience

have you tried juices and smoothies?

good luck

x

I feel your pain too. I've just been dealing with this for a month or so after a mild choking incident in my almost 5yo DS - its gone from complete food refusal to limited.

He's starving but won't eat because he says his throat is too small and just is really anxious - and about everything not just feeding now. Its just been/continues to be an absolute nightmare.

Its difficult to ignore a child screaming and crying - I'm not even trying to get him to eat really - encouraging but not pushing.
It is really disheartening, so very, very stressful and does completely knock your confidence in your parenting skills (what skills?!).

I spoke to my Dr and she was willing to refer me, but did say it was very common, especially in boys apparently. I was offered either paed nutritionist or an anxiety clinic (she seemed to think the food thing was a symptom rather than cause). But also suggested we try just letting him have whatever he wanted for a while just to completely take the pressure off (we've been trying to have the stuff he will eat, plus stuff we'd like him to try - and stuff he would've snarfed down and loves before the choking incident). We'll see if this works otherwise we'll take our DS to see someone.

I also rang The Feeding Clinic in London and a very nice nutritionist there rang me back and gave me a few pointers - was just nice hearing it from an expert. Its a private clinic - not sure if its near you or not. They have nutritionist, nurse specialists, paed (consultant feeding expert at Great Ormond St) and a behavioural psychologist. I might go there instead as its seems a more joined up service but its a bit of a trek for us. They seemed to cover babies/toddlers mostly so might be worth a go?

And out of interest....you can actually get a clinical consultation with Dr Tanya Byron (House of Tiny Tearaways) at a clinic in Mill Hill in London - long waiting list and was 200 pounds for initial consultation! PLus it would probably be several sessions so rather a lot - but if you were quite well off....???!

i was going to suggest older kids round for tea too, peer pressure is a wonderful thing at times.

gosh i feel for you really do think you should try to get to the bottom of it especially if he is hungry at times and that isn't good. somewhere to him there must have been a issue with food do try the dietician what about smoothies???? good luck

Just to add to all the helpful tips - toddlers can be controlling about food as it is one of the few issues they can influence, and my DD has added lots of new things to her diet since turning 3 - keep calm, don't force the issue and as long as they are eating a fairly balanced diet don't worry if it seems boring or repetitive.
Some kids with tiny appetites might find several small meals/snacks a day easier than 3 'big' meals too. Small quantities of food are less overwhelming.
My DSD was a very fussy eater (I suspect lots of control issues there) and also a very sensitive sense of taste/texture, and her diet is loads better than it used to be - going to secondary school really helped, good peer influence and more personal control over what she got to eat too.
I try and give DD some choices about foods - which cereal for example and if she wants milk on it or not. We also talked about why its a good thing to try new foods, and if she tried something she got lots of praise, but no pressure to eat more.

HelenaB I think food is such an emotive subject when it involves children. We put so much into feeding them as babies and worry so much about their growth that it is hard to stop when they are bigger.
I just wanted to say that, even though your son's diet is limited, it does cover a lot of the nutrients he needs if not all. Bread and cereal are both fortified with vitamins and provide complex carbs, fruit provides fibre vitamins and minerals and milk and yoghurt provide protein.
Children can survive on very restricted diets.
There have been so many programmes on TV where restricted diet was an issue, and from the posts on here it does seem to be a very common situation.
It probably is partially a phase from which he will emerge soon, he is very young and doesn't have many areas of 'control'.
I think fear of the new, particularly with relation to food is somethng that many two to three year olds go through.
I suppose I am just saying that there are some great ideas here, but also that it is likely to pass and he isn't in any immediate danger health wise.

Hi my DS is now 3.10 and we are finally starting to make progress with this. he has had it since he was about 18 months i guess.
at one point, it had got really bad, only ham sandwiches with exactly the right sort of ham and right sort of bread and a few other foodstuffs but not many.
his weight is low (below 1st percentile) still.
went to doctor but not much done.
tried various approaches including the put down your own meal and dont' give him anything else ever - but given his weight, stubborness and the fact that he then didn't sleep - well kept waking very early complaining of hunger- and started going very pale and lying down a lot looking floppy in the afternoons to the extent that pre school were very concerned - i think that approach is only for those who don't really have a fussy eater like ours to try!
tried lots of praise for trying new foods - this didnt' work either - seeemed to make it worse.
actually when he was younger, walking out of the room (i know he could choke etc but we were within earshot) seemed to help
also found that giving much less than I thought he should eat seemed to help, on a small plate (i was giving food on the same plates as us). giving him so little that he had to ask us for more, seemed to make the whole thing much more positive.
remember that a two year old doesn't really need much food and as rowing boat says there are quite a lot of different food groups even in such a limited diet (DS has always been very bread based with a few yoghurts)
Try to relax and not show you are stressed - at all - easier said than done.
basically for us letting him eat what he wanted, when he wanted - with the exception of crisps, sweets, cake ice cream and choc which i cut down on totally- has really worked here. as soon as i agreed in my head to let him do that things improved.
it still took a while - after that he didn't eat any fruit or veg for 2 months - not a single piece - but i tried to stay calm - and now he will eat a bit.
i didn't bother with the liquid vitamins as too much of a battle, but started haliborange when he got to three. he likes them.
also - two of our most successful meals are now ones where he can serve himself. We have wraps where i put fillings on the table and wraps and he makes his own up. at first they were just ham for him but gradually he is starting to put new things in. i never comment on what he puts in or try to encourage him to put extra in.
also salad - same principle - ham, cheese, coleslaw, bread, lettuce, tomato, various other bits and pieces. at first he ate just ham and bread but gradually trying new things.
DS still has a very limited diet, and has only just started to eat food not provided by me (e.g. snack at nursery). if any one suggests he eats something he will always not eat it. but things have most def improved. today he ate 11 grapes and even some peas and two pieces of fish for tea. that is real progress for us. now when i do our food shopping i actually notice that i am feeding an extra mouth - for the first time since he was a baby!
he had a number of colds etc as a toddler and glue ear and in retrospect perhaps he genuinely found it difficult to eat.
he is also very resistant to change in other aspects of life and i think the food thing is about that, as others have said, wanting to be in control.
in this respect helping him choose what spoon he uses, plate / bowl etc have also helped.
good luck and try not to worry.