PLEASE help - fussy eater (2.5) getting worse and worse

[helenabeth]

DS2 has been very limited in what he eats since just before his first birthday - eighteen months ago. He's got worse and worse, to the extent that now he will only eat:

1. crisps
2. yoghurt
3. fruit
4. dry bread
5. dry cereal

6.bread sticks/biscuits

1. milk

I'm at my wits' end. Feel as though I've tried everything. My HV said the doctor won't take it seriously if he's not losing weight. But so often he's tired and weepy and i know it's because he's hungry. Any magic solutions? Please?

I thought I was alone too as my son seems to cut out foods he used to like each week. He used to eat everything up until he had a bad sickness bug at 15 months old(he's 17 now)but now it's fruit, cereal or toast. If I try anything else he puts his hands over his eyes, cries or vomits it back up. I've tried some of the suggestions you guys have mentioned but I think it's just patience and riding it out - which is easier said than done! hmm

DS1 has always been a fussy eater. He would be eating fine then hit a bout of teething & refuse to eat anything but yoghurt.

Around 1yr he would only eat things that he could pick up & feed himself and became extreamly picky like your DS.

HV said around that age they are becoming mobile & moving away from Mother for the first time. SO going back to the beginning of time, nature made babies naturally wary of any new things, so that they werent stuffing poisonous berries into their mouths.

My DH has huge issues with food because as a child he had a very limited diet & was made to sit at the table all evening until he had eaten all of his meal. He was even force fed on occasions. As a result he is unable to eat cold, cooked food and has a very limited diet still. He gets no enjoyment from food and eats because he has to.

With DS at the moment we leave him to eat what he wants. I put on his plate what I know he will eat (fish fingers, chicken or sausages with cooked carrots or tinned pasta) and always add something that the rest of us are having like potato, rice, pasta or other veg. I do this jknowing that he wont even taste them but hope that one day he will just pick them up & eat them. I generally give him pudding unless he has hardly touched his food. (fruit & joghurt) I also tend to let him eat whenever he asks for something (usually fruit) so if he doesnt touch his meals I know he has still eaten something.

DS has always been big for his age, so for now I am trying to not worry too much & hope he will "grow out of it". I certainly dont want to put any presure on him & make him turn out like his Dad!

So hard to know what is best isn't it!

I'm sorry if I'm repeating some advice here, but I don't have time to read all the posts because DCs have just woken up from their nap. It must be very worrying. I don't know if you have looked at what your DS eats over a week. Sometimes a child's diet is better than we think if you look at it over a longer period, rather than looking at what he's eaten in a day. Having said that, if the list you provided is finite, that might not help.

I am extremely lucky that, so far, my 2 eat anything and everything (but then, they're only 1 and 2.2 yo so it may all change). However, the 2 yo has had her moments and I have found these 2 approaches fairly affective:

1. as other's have said, keeping things relaxed so it doesn't become a battle of wills. I put the food in front of her (the same thing that the rest of us are having) and get on with some chores so I'm not watching over her OR focus my attention on feeding the 1 yo and giving him lots of praise when he eats (i.e. so I'm praising the desired behaviour). Usually out of the corner of my eye, I see her taking little spoonfuls

2. I give my DD little choices so she has some control, like 'do you want peas or sweetcorn?' 'Do you want cheese on your spag bol?' - then grate it over in front of her. I realise your LO doesn't eat any of the examples I've given but perhaps you could find something that works for you.

Also, can you work with the foods he does eat to make them more nutritious? For example, could you make dips for his bread sticks/crisps such as a simple tzatziki with finely grated cucumber and greek yog (you could leave out the garlic if that's a step too far) or hummus?

Good luck x

Does anyone limit how long mealtimes take? DD1 eats soooooooooooooooo slowly. She has 3 mouthfuls in the time it takes us to finish our meals. I suspect this is largely all part of controlling/fussy eating, but she has always been a slow feeder, even bf.

Oh, I feel for you. I have a fussy one - now 5, I'm sort of used to it now. It seems to me that he's not so much fussy, as not remotely interested in food. I don't think he feels hunger that much - so unless it's food he really likes, he'd just as soon go without.

On the basis that your list is similar to what DS had at a similar age, you may want to try (i) french toast / "eggy bread" and (ii) slightly steamed broccoli. Just on the offchance - as DS quite liked them. We also had success at that age by dousing everything in lemon juice (even pizza). No idea what that was about, but I do recall taking a lemon with me everywhere....

So many helpful suggestions here - thank you all. He ia a very good sleeper and generally a lovely little boy, but very much into his routine and all that. He goes to playgroup 2 mornings a week now, and will sit with the others at snack time, but only eat the fruit or biscuit that's offered, never the toast/pancake/cheese etc. Thanks for details of clinics, etc, but we live in Scotland and I'm not convinced that making such a trip (and therefore such a fuss) would be productive. I have moments - in the middle of the night, mostly!- of sheer terror at the idea of being responsible for causing serious damage to him if he is stubborn/upset enough to continue like this. Why can't they come with a user's guide?!

My daughter started to eliminate things from her diet at 18mths - no milk, yoghurt, cheese, butter (or substitutes), and had never really taken to red meat. There is a whole list of things she didn't like at weaning and still doesn't eat,and a far longer list of the things she won't even taste, which makes family mealtimes stressful. I tried all sorts of strategies with and without professional support. Starving her into submission never worked at all; it just made her more stubborn. The thing is nothing much has changed and she is now 11. There came a point when she was small when I really feared for my sanity and had to say to myself "it's either her or me" so I stopped fighting and gave her as healthy a diet as possible within the confines of what she enjoys. She is always able to try new things if she wants to but is never forced and we have had some successes in making new "food friends". And you know what? She is fine. I still worry that her nutrient intake isn't balanced and she would quite happily live on dry bread, dry cereal and apples but I think I would have been taken away by the men in white coats if I hadn't stopped trying to change her.

Helenabeth, I also feel your pain, as my DS (2.8) is quite similar at the moment. His repertoire is admittedly much bigger than your son's, but he's reached a stage where he refuses to try new things, and occasionally much loved foods drop off his list.

One suggestion that was given to me by my sister (who has a fussy eating daughter) was to serve food in serving bowls and allow your child to serve him or herself. Probably a bit too much for your son (or mine) to do yet at this age, but I'm definitely going to store it up for the future. My sister says it really transformed her daughter's eating habits, because once the pressure was off, she would give herself a tiny portion first time, but then have seconds and even thirds.

Also, bit of a hijack, but just wanted to enquire further about your son, zam72. Mine also seems to have a narrow throat (loads of issues with bf'ing and reflux as a baby, and frequently chokes on food now, particularly if he's got a cold). As soon as he starts to gag, that's basically it - entire contents of stomach will then automatically follow. It really upsets him when it happens. He also retches and gags quite often when he's being dressed (when clothes go over his head), or having his car seat straps done up. My DH has the same issue with his gag reflex, as does his mother, so I suspect it must be inherited. I think it's basically physical (DS got it too early for it to be psychological) but there are signs that he's beginning to get a bit paranoid about it now, which I'm worried about. Just interested to know if your son has/had any of these other reactions also, and whether you've ever been to see an ENT specilist or anything, which I'm considering?

sorry haeven't got time to read all posts but my ds (now 3.5) was like this and we went through a good few months of him appearing to live on weetabix while i had a quiet nervous breakdown in the corner..
then i chilled out after lots of older wiser mums told me similar stories AND (this is the important bit!) i started telling ds stories while he was eating - things i just made up on the spot. feels odd to do to start with but now i am a serious dab hand. So at the beginning i would tell him stories about iggle piggle doing funny or exciting things in the night garden and these days we are more sophisticated and he will often ask for a story at a meal time and we will have one involving thomas and some of his engine friends, or some other character from a book that he likes, or a few of the random characters i have invented over the many hundreds of meals this has happened over!
No idea why but the distraction and lack of attention on the food seemed/seems to do the trick. Now at 3.5 he will happily try most foods and although not a huge eater he is very healthy and strong . and has an active imagination to boot in fact, he often starts telling ME the story!

i've got a fussy eater too so i'm just getting this on my threads so i can have a proper read tomorrow

but OP, your son's diet is alot more varied than mine

You asked how long to not react for? Well it's v hard so I have a cunning way of not freaking out when DS has had nothing but a piece of toast and 5 bananas that day....

With DS we alternate meals he will eat with normal family meals. It means we can put food in front of him and be relaxed about whether he eats or not because I know that that day he'll be getting some calories. So, for your DS; yoghurt & fruit for breakfast, then normal lunch, and normal dinner. Only give him fruit for snacks. The next day you could give him milk, crisps & dry bread for lunch if it will make you feel better. Don't say anything about it though- that's just what is on the menu that day. Decide what you will offer him each day & stick to it.

Impossible although it may sound, nonchalance is key. The minute we stopped bargaining with DS his eating improved. We do occassionally get him to 'kiss' or lick foods he won't normally eat but never ask him to eat it. Occassionally now he will put a bit in his mouth then immediately spit it out but he gets lots of praise for trying.

He never gets praise for finishing a meal or eating lots of something that's good for him. He's too little to learn about nutrition, we're just trying to help learn him not be afraid of trying new things.

We also don't refuse him dessert if he hasn't eaten his mains. Whether it is fruit, yoghurt or ice cream he gets some dessert regardless of whether or not he's eaten anything else. So there's no labelling one sort of food as boring and must be eaten and another as treat food. It's all just food.

It's really hard some days not to despair but having also been that fussy child, and remembering dreading dinner and those nightly battles, I know that this is the right way for us.

Hope you find the right way forward soon. Remember you are not alone though, it's almost a toddler rite of passage!

P.s. if you are worried about his salt intake, what about those low salt baby crisps? Think M&S also do a low salt version their normal crisps. Finally, you could always make your own crisps...it's really not that hard and it would be a healthy addition to his diet esp. if done in olive oil!
Have full crisp-making instructions if you are interested

I sometimes give my DD the salt n shake crisps - without the salt, she likes them and no salt.
I'd echo the comments here about choice - my DD is moderately fussy (she won't eat meat for example and we're not vegetarians at home) but I will usually ask her - with a choice offered - what she wants to eat - like pasta and tomato sauce or scrambled egg, and that way she does get to have some say in what she has. I cook up quantities of sauce and freeze it in individual portions and that way, cooking her dinner takes no more than the time the pasta takes to boil. On occasions when we all get to eat together, I try and make a meal that has parts in it that everyone will eat.

I was a skinny wee girl who was a fussy eater - basically beans on toast and Sunday roast! And my son too was v fussy but fear not - because boys grow up and have growth spurts and they just change! Suddwnly they eat loads , are always hungry and just eat whatever if there is a problem with their favourites. There is hope on the horizon so yes be imaginitive but do not get into a tiz about it - that wonderful day will come (my daughter eats most things but I continued fussy and broadened out a lot when I left home and met my husband who was into cooking.

For how long, I would say, take one day at a time.

So, put down everyones plates, let them eat & if DS refuses, say fine, go play. Don't give anything else. See how he is in the morning, then just keep at it. No fuss. If you feel confident you could say, try it & then you can go & play.

DD has decided she likes 'this kind of rice' which is in fact couscous. As I said, I've worked out she doesn't like the look of certains foods.Once she has tried them, she is mostly ok.
If she had her way, she's live on pasta.

Despite thinking I would never go down the don't eat tea - no pudding rule, I have. It works well. DD1 always eats her tea anyway, but DD2 very slowly started slipping away from eating tea & then going to for the yogurt.

Also make sure you only put a small amount of food down, so as not to overwhelm. (also happened(s) with DD2)

Helenabeth, I've not read through all the posts so not sure if this book has been recommended yet
www.amazon.co.uk/How-Your-Kids-Eat-But-Much/dp/0915950839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274422562& sr=8-1
but it is FANTASTIC. My sister has used all the tips with her two and they eat a great variety of foods and a really good balanced diet. It is all about how not to turn meal times into a battleground and most importantly become a power struggle. I have read it too and it makes so much sence, it really is a very good read, and fully intend on using the tips with my little one when she is older.
Good Luck!

there are lots more reviews on the book here
www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1274423221&sr=8-1
hope this helps!

Both my dcs were a bit like this, and apparently so was I (and I managed to be a fussy eater in the early 1960s in a village in the middle of nowhere wheer if you didn't eat what was in front of you you really did go hungry).

DCs are now 20 and 17; both normal size and weight and as well adjusted as it's possible to be at this age; DS was the worst eater by far but has only had two days off school sick in his life.

With the benefit of 20:20 hindsight it was a combination of

• definitely very sensitive tastebuds: ds can taste the difference between two brands of unsalted butter in otherwise identical very marmitey sandwiches
• very small appetites: they just weren't that hungry, certainly not as hungry as other babies and toddlers
• my worry: lots of 'trying' not to make a fuss, lots of food they would eat to avoid rejection
• not eating often enough at family meals: two working parents not getting back from work in time to eat as a family; nannies on diets etc

What I'm trying to say is

• it's probably natural to him; it's not your fault and while you may be able to improve things with all the excellent advice above don't expect to fix them 100%
• plenty of fussy kids grow up to be absolutely fine and few of us are at our best in our toddler years: it's your long-term attitude that will count.
• save some angst for when he's 15...

someone mentioned stories at mealtimes. just to say music (CDs) helped us.

helenabeth - thank you so much for starting this thread, I too have a 2.6yo who is not a great eater, a typical day involves toast and marmite (the occasional shreddie or cheerio), ginger biscuit, innocent smoothie, yoghurt, toast or crisps, toast and milk and apple juice. Frankly quite a fair amount of food but she just won't eat anything else! I also have weeks where she will only eat 1 thing - yoghurt, chicken nuggets - homemade before I get a lashing!, fish fingers (nice ones!!!!), sausages. No fruit, no veg or any sort and I am at the end of my tether, especially with the judgey mothers who are lucky enough to have children who will have a got at anything. I just want my child to eat something! But it doesn't always work like that I some days I feel lucky to have got anything into her.

Then you meet another mother, who has a child who only eats pasta with ketchup, or weetabix and you think "I AM NOT ALONE HOORAY!" This feels like that!

One of my issues is that I am always getting blamed for not giving her a varied diet by some other mothers - one said it was my fault for not putting enough food in front of her when she was being weaned! Well I home made everything from scratch with organic veg and meat where possible, I occasionally used pouches and ready made when out out of convenience (when on holiday was easier to take those sometimes and obviously I was on holiday alot ). So when did this all become totally my fault? I did my best when I could and still this happened!!!!!!!!!!!!! grr,

If it makes any difference I now put the foods on her plate that I would like her to try and hope like hell at some point she will put some in her mouth (we still celebrate the day she put broccoli in her mouth!) and accept that most of it will be returned to the fridge or end up in the bin. It was becoming too distressing for both of us to try and battle it out so I have stopped and hope she will not be a fussy adult! But I take comfort in knowing I am not alone!

Bollocks it's your fault, Doodley. It's really unkind to suggest it could be- it's just one of those stages that toddlers go through.

I was the fussiest child imaginable. I'm now a chef and will eat anything. So ner to those judgey mums.

Haven't got time to read all the posts, got to go on nursery school run in a mo. Wanted to post about something I read from a thread on here that really seems to have helped with our fussy eater (DS now 3.5)

Not sure how it'd work with a younger toddler but worth a try. Firstly, a new food just had to stay on the plate (a little bit of it) didn't have to be eaten but a lot of our DS's fussy eating seemed to be related to stress about new foods. We had stickers as rewards, now tv works a treat.

Also the thing that seems to really have made a difference is eating with DS and if he hasn't eaten by the time we have the plate goes on the side for 30mins and if he wants to he can get it off the side if he doesn't it goes in the bin. It has never gone in the bin!! Last night DS ate sausage risotto with peas and sweetcorn in!! Soemthing he'd never have eaten before. So thank you to whoever posted that thread.

It doesn't sound like that bad a diet to be honest, other than the crisps. I mean if he's getting milk and yogurt then I wouldn't worry about the protein. So the only thing is veg, but he has fruit so I don't think that it's very unusual.

Personally I disagree with cutting out snacks because I think small children tend to graze and some find it stressful to be confined to a dinner table. We pop into the green-grocers and my ds picks an apple and banana. The woman there peels the banana for him and has a chat. We go into a cheesemongers and he asks for tasters of cheese.

But he very rarely has any kind of meat or fish.

It's his body and if he chooses not to eat something then far be it from me to force it down his neck. He has to get used to allowing himself to stop when he is full and to develop his own tastes. It's our job to put healthy alternatives in front of them.

I think that human nature dictates that they won't starve themselves.

I think this is a bit of an each to their own senario.

If my DD has a snack, ie someone offers her fruit flakes, she won't eat lunch. Then she'll want a snack middle afternoon, which has a knock on affect on tea. So there is no balance of nutrients fruit, carbs + sugary yogurt.

Everyone, especially kids, needs a balanced diet. I believe as a parent, it's my duty to ensure my DC's have the building blocks to make them grow & develop healthily.

Whilst they make not starve themselves, I'm not aware that a toddler knows what is best for them. This doesn't mean force feeding & it doesn't have to lead to eating disorders.