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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Being hit with a belt.

97 replies

Ealingkate · 05/02/2010 18:24

Not really sure what to do about this - DD2 had a lovely friend (aged 5) to play for the first time the other day. At the dinner table DD1 was relaying how the friend said she gets hit with a belt if she's naughty and the friend confirmed it, but not in a "please don't say anything to my mum" she was just quite casual about it.
The mum came to pick her up and she seems lovely, really sweet. I do believe the little girl as it seems a strange thing to say otherwise.
It does seem like a pretty big deal to me, I mean how naughty can a 5 year old girl be??
I was thinking of having a quiet word with the reception class teacher, but, I don't want to be too heavy handed. Any suggestions??

OP posts:

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Cyb · 05/02/2010 18:26

Yes you should say something, just repeat what you ahve said here.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 05/02/2010 18:34

I would tell the mother what the children said but in a very matter of fact way, like DD said she wears your lipstick/sleeps in the garden.

smallorange · 05/02/2010 18:35

Bear in mind that 5 year olds say all sorts of things that could be misconstrued. Could you speak to child's mum about it first? Just say that your DD has been saying XX says she gets hit with a belt and see what she says.

I would alro ask around the other mums, dead casual and see what comes up.

sasamaxx · 05/02/2010 18:36

Good advice already.
It's quite worrying really.

Disenchanted3 · 05/02/2010 18:37

Be careful in what you say as it could be a case of 'mum was puting her belt on and it hit DD' which my son could easily turn into 'mum hit me with a belt' when it was a totally innocent accident.

But I would bring it up in case its not that.

Cyb · 05/02/2010 18:37

smallorange she should not speak to the mum, or any other mums about it. it should be reported matter of factly to the school

smallorange · 05/02/2010 18:48

I would always speak yo the parent first as there could be a perfectly innocent explanation.

If I was still concerned I would speak to the teacher.

Do you deal with this sort of stuff? Are there reasons why this is not the best course of action?

Am interested as you may convince me otherwise ...

Cyb · 05/02/2010 18:50

Yes I do deal with it at school, and if its anything regarding child protection I personally think speaking to the parent would be a conversation better had by a professional. Unless the parents know each other well, I don't think they do in this case.

smallorange · 05/02/2010 19:01

Yes I see your point. Perhaps a quiet word with teacher is the best course if action, although I would feel incredibly guilty that I hadn't spoken to the mum first.

After all, I'm sure my DDs say stuff that could be construed as odd by outsiders, but which has a perfectly innocent explanation. And I would hope people would ask me first rather than going yo the school.

It's a difficult one.

Hassled · 05/02/2010 19:06

I agree that you should talk to the teacher (or whoever is the designated CP person) rather than the parent. And it could well be nothing - there was a one off accident or something.

CharlieBoo · 05/02/2010 19:08

I personally think going to the school is a tad ott!! Kids say stuff all the time that are untruths. It could be something she's heard, seen on telly or older siblings etc. If you are worried please speak to the mum. If it's a perfectly innocent explanation which I'm sure it is she is not going to thank you for running into school about it. Would you? If your dd did it at their house what would you want her mum to do?

Cyb · 05/02/2010 19:25

Its not ott, no one is going to call social services and have the child taken away.

Schools build up a picture of a child, from lots of different sources.

If its nothing fine. If that child has been unhappy, saying things out of the ordinary, or perhaps has confided in the teacher the same thing then a factual report from another parent will add to the picture. Say the girl really has been hit by a belt. What would speaking to the mum achieve?

CharlieBoo · 05/02/2010 19:37

I'm sorry I disagree with you. All other indicators from poster do not scream she's an abused child. Kids have such vivid imaginations, if i needed to say something mum would be the first stop if it were me. The girls mum is NOT going to thank you for talking to the school behind her back over what is probably a silly childish comment

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/02/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Cyb · 05/02/2010 19:40

No ,especially if she is hitting her with a belt.

Cyb · 05/02/2010 19:40

(that was to Charlie)

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 19:44

I wouldn't have a word with the teacher... that could escalate in SS before you know it..
it's probably not even true...
I'd mention it to the mum and then watch and see.

smallorange · 05/02/2010 19:45

Although she could deny it to the teacher too...

Cyb · 05/02/2010 19:46

And then what? Hire a detective?

Social Services MIGHT have to be involved if it is true. It is not the OP's decision to make.

Cyb · 05/02/2010 19:47

Teachers can be lied to, of course they can. But they have support services they can phone who will log 'incidents' such as this to build up a picture of what might be happening to child. I can't believe some posters would talk directly to the mother about this.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 19:49

do not ask mum.

whether you discuss it with school or not is up to you.

I personally would speak to school as what she is describing is illegal and abusive.
even "nice" parents can be awful behind closed doors.

if school decide to contact SS (doubtful unless there are further concerns)then that is down to them. it will have nothing to do with you and you would have no reason to feel guilty.

duckyfuzz · 05/02/2010 19:50

SS might already be involved for all we know. If the OP was a teacher and had heard a child talking in school, then had it confirmed by the one in question, as happened, then she would have to disclose it.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 19:54

all those who work with children are told that the one thing you DO NOT EVER DO is inform the parent of a disclosure of abuse.

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/02/2010 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 19:56

I still wouldn't go to the teacher...
I don't believe she's being hit for one second
I was hit as a child by my father and I wouldn't of dreamed of casually discussing it a friends house...
It's something that's been overheard or jokingly threatened or from the tv...
on top of that being hit by a belt leave scars...
did you see any evidence of physical injury?

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