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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Being hit with a belt.

97 replies

Ealingkate · 05/02/2010 18:24

Not really sure what to do about this - DD2 had a lovely friend (aged 5) to play for the first time the other day. At the dinner table DD1 was relaying how the friend said she gets hit with a belt if she's naughty and the friend confirmed it, but not in a "please don't say anything to my mum" she was just quite casual about it.
The mum came to pick her up and she seems lovely, really sweet. I do believe the little girl as it seems a strange thing to say otherwise.
It does seem like a pretty big deal to me, I mean how naughty can a 5 year old girl be??
I was thinking of having a quiet word with the reception class teacher, but, I don't want to be too heavy handed. Any suggestions??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:17

Cyb that is seriously offensive
I listen to everything a child says to me and as mine are older I've heard an awful lot.. I still wouldn't rush in
but you go ahead

Cyb · 05/02/2010 20:17

We will have to agree to disagree. Did not mean to offend.

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:19

I have had a child tell me something I've told the teacher..
It took a long time though and I knew I was acting in his best interests.
It wasn't from a passing comment the first time I ever met him! Honestly aren't you lot listening?

Cyb · 05/02/2010 20:20

Yes we are listening. We would just handle it differently to you

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/02/2010 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Cyb · 05/02/2010 20:22

Ingles how did you decide it was up to you to act in a childs best interests? Did you know the child well?

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:24

no...I'm telling you to watch and see before you jump in and accuse anyone of anything.
If she is actually abused and has no qualms discussing it then it would make no odds for the OP to invite her over again.
The mother did know I discussed her with the school, made no odds, all the evidence was there.

MollieO · 05/02/2010 20:25

I would talk to the teacher. If the child is being hit with a belt then her mother is the last person I'd want to discuss it with. If she mentioned it so openly to you then chances are she has done the same on other playdates so the teacher may already know what she has been saying. If she hasn't said anything and it is made up then again the teacher is likely to know if she is a child who does have a vivid imagination.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 20:26

no hitting with a belt does not always leave a scar, or even a lasting mark.

it is very common for children of this age to make things up.

it is however quite an odd comment to make unless she has had some knowledge of such chastisement.

It is unlikely that the teacher will forward the comment to SS but it will be logged. therefore if further comments or any other concerning behaviour is noted they can build a picture and then if needs be, contact SS.

For waht it is worth i am inclined to believe that it is true, in some form.
It may be that it was just a threat made by an angry mum. maybe a messing about rough play sort of game, maybe she really has had a smack with a belt.

you will probably never know. but keeping it to yourself and no one ever will. by passing details of the declaration you can stop worrying.
pass the buck and the burden!

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/02/2010 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Cyb · 05/02/2010 20:26

The OP hopefully wouldn't accuse, just report what she had been told.

There is a big difference btween saying ' Daisy's Mum hits her with a belt!!!' to 'Daisy told me last wek she had been hit by a belt, thought I would let you know'

FWIW I have had to report stuff too, you feel so crap doing it but its for the 'bigger picture'

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:27

I came to know him reasonably well Cyb, because I made it my business to. He said something that made me wonder and it certainly wasn't as blatant or obvious as I'm being hit with a belt. It didn't take that long, even then.
But still...
we'll have to agree to disagree
I've been there and know any suggestion from the school or any authority would have made things a whole lot worse if they weren't ready to act.

PixieOnaLeaf · 05/02/2010 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:30

Pixie, I presume neither you nor I know how it will be actually be reported to the parent...
But I can only tell you in my case, she knew... I didn't particularly want to discuss it with her further.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 20:32

school will NOT tell the parent

CharlieBoo · 05/02/2010 20:34

Please can the vultures leave poor ingles alone?????????????????? The original poster is that concerned she's buggered off and left you lot yo lay into poor ingles!!! Enough already!!!

Mutt · 05/02/2010 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollieO · 05/02/2010 20:37

mamazon doesn't it depend on what is said and what they already know about the family? Ds told his teacher that his mummy (me) had hit his grandma (my mum) on her arm .

Ds's teacher went to see the HT and I got a concerned phone call. Completely made up. I was utterly mortified but fortunately his teacher knew me and my mum and ds had a history of saying things that weren't true (our caravan holiday adventures being a notable on going theme throughout reception).

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 20:43

you're wrong mamazon... the school could well tell the parent..
And thank you charlie but I can stick up for myself
Aas I said we'll have to agree to disagree..
I personally would want to know I had the full facts or a least more than one passing comment before doing anything... maybe that's my background catching up with me, maybe it's small village life playing it's part...
you maybe be happy handing it over to someone it authority and be happy you've done your bit, but I think it takes a community to raise a child and wouldn't be satisfied with that.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 20:44

even if confident that what has been said is just a bit of an imaginary event, school will not inform the parent. they may well pass on other comments but never anything that could indicate abuse at home.
it will be noted though, even if they don't believe it to be true. just in case.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 20:47

sorry ingles but im a social worker, a few of my very good friends are primary teachers, care workers, teaching assistants, charity workers etc etc.

I know that they would be breaching policy if they did inform the parent.

I am sure you are very confident in your opinion given your own experiences but i can assure you that every teacher at every school in every county is told the same.

Skegness · 05/02/2010 20:59

Sadly it is really not that uncommon for children to be hit with belts/slippers/canes, even in this day and age. It's only been 5 years or so since the law changed here, after all. It's quite deeply entrenched in some cultures, communities and religions too. One of my children's friend's was terrified of being hit with a stick at Arabic school, for example. Many of their friends at their current school "get beats" at home. I doubt social services would do more than inform the parents that it is against the law and unacceptable, tbh, unless there was more to it. It's too widespread.

ravenAK · 05/02/2010 20:59

Mamazon is correct - there's no way a teacher would talk to a parent about an abuse allegation. We'd pass it on to the designated member of staff, who'd make a decision whether to involve SS or just to keep a record for now in case of further reports.

It could well be entirely innocent - I hit dd1 with a belt earlier tonight, come to that - the soft fabric tie from her dress. She was trailing it for the cat to chase & we ended up playing a silly game which involved her being a 'naughty cat' & me trying to hit her with the belt, which she had to grab...

I think I'd mention it at school, just in case.

Ingles2 · 05/02/2010 21:00

so how did she know Mamazon?
I do live in a very very small village but I only discussed this with the school...
It can only have come from there.

mamazon · 05/02/2010 21:04

i have no idea Ingles.

But i assure you that in a case of possible physical abuse the information will not be passed back to the parent.

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