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Original poster

Oh crap. DS aged 2.5 expelled from pre-school

93 replies

WeThreeNinks · 05/12/2009 22:14

I'm so upset!

Apparently he has been needing to be restrained on several occasions, usually when it is story-time.

And he doesn't want to be pulled way from the toy he is playing with when the arbitrary time deems it so. So presumably not attention-deficit?

He can't see the point of doing what the other children do.

I have been given the cahnce to stop taking him for now until after Easter.

Oh and the staff reported that they were uncomfortable restraining him. Then followed stories in the news, Vanessa George blah blah.

AIBU to want to send DS to Military School in Alaska?

OP posts:
Heated · 05/12/2009 22:17

He's 2.5!! Of course he doesn't want to sit on the carpet listening to stories

Can you find him a nursery with more understanding of child development?

waitingforbedtime · 05/12/2009 22:28

they restrained him?! WTF?! I would be going mental, he is 2.5. My son is almost 3, I doubt he owuld always want to sit at story time and tbh I would worry if he did, dont think it'd be normal!

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 05/12/2009 22:29

Are there actually pre-schools (by which I assume you mean playgroup) where children are restrained?

At that age it's common for a child to want to continue with whatever he's absorbed in - especially boys I think.

From his point of view, why should he stop playing and sit still to listen to a story?

My DS didn't cope at all well with that aspect of playgroup, not helped by the regimented approach and shouty voices of the helpers (he's now 14 and doing well at grammar school).

Don't let the opinion of one playgroup make you feel bad about your boy - he's really very young and just being away from you is a lot to cope with at that age.

I'm sure I won't be only one who is at this.

Just one thing; is his hearing okay? I say this because DS1 was diagnosed with glue ear at age 5 - after several years of struggling to communicate, tantrumming for no apparent reason and not wanting to be without me.

This wouldn't excuse the appalling behaviour of the playgroup staff, though.

SnowyBoff · 05/12/2009 22:42

Bad preschool - narrow escape - your son should count his lucky stars to be outta there.

Meglet · 05/12/2009 22:44

yes, sounds like a crap place. He is doing what any 2.5yo would do.

KeithTalent · 05/12/2009 22:45

you flipping what- take him uot and run

name and shame- they are mental

LynetteScavo · 05/12/2009 22:45

Yes, YABVU to want to send your DS to military school in Alaska!

Wait untill he's 3 and find him a decent nursery to go to.

santaicanexplain · 05/12/2009 22:46

my DS didnt start pre-school untill he was three and even then it took him 2 terms to get involved with any group activity,

he would always just go and sit at the front door watching the buses and cars go by with one of the workers who would be setting up or clearing up the paints.

they let him get involved in his own time and at his own pace. once he was ready he was one of the most involved children at the pre-school.

please dont be too concerned by this. he is probaly not ready and if he was at a more understanding playschool they wouldnt push him to do anything he didnt want to do.

feedthegoat · 05/12/2009 22:46

At playgroup ds went there was frequently a couple of kids with noses pressed up at the window grinning at the mums rolling up during story time and I can honestly say I never saw any staff even attempting to restrain them! Think I'd give it a miss too.

Missus84 · 05/12/2009 22:48

Restrain him for what? Was he hurting himself/another child?

MollieO · 05/12/2009 22:53

Ds rarely sat on the carpet for story time his entire time at nursery (2.4 to 4). His nursery teacher wept when he left to go to school as she said she would miss him so much (she was very fond of him despite his inability to sit still). Afaik he was never restrained. I would be looking for another pre-school if I were you.

SecretSlattern · 05/12/2009 22:53

Shocking behaviour from the pre-school.

fledtoscotland · 05/12/2009 22:55

think you have had a lucky escape. My DS1 has the attention span of a dead flea (apart from when a Thomas DVD is on) and never sits still during the day unless he is asleep or eating. His nursery would never dream of "restraining" him.

I would count your lucky stars and find another care provider.

bran · 05/12/2009 23:00

Your child is perfectly normal, the pre-school is delusional. If they only want to have a certain type of quiet, obedient child with unusually advanced social skills they should bloody well say so at the outset. Find one that is fun, small children should be enjoying themselves.

MegBusset · 05/12/2009 23:00

No wonder you're upset. I would never send him back to this preschool.

DS2 is 2.9 and isn't a joiner-in -- rarely sits down at storytime at his pre-school. They let him do what he wants to (within reason!) and he is gradually getting interested in joining in a bit more.

Original poster
WeThreeNinks · 05/12/2009 23:55

Oh God, thank you all. I thought he might be too young because DS is a very young 2.5. He still wants the occaisional BF even.

Sadly the pre-school manager as well as wanting him to have a break in order to rule out something else also wants my HV to observe him at home.

She is coming next week and I am shit scared. I might lie and say that he does sleep through the night because the last time I asked for her advice she told me to do controlled crying.

I said that three months was too young in my opinion. And that he was in our room so her, "you must LEAVE the room and let him settle without you" wouldn't work. HV told us to hide under the duvet! As if breastfed DS wouldn't smell me or hear us breathing FFS.

I should say it's all fine shouldn't I? DH says that I do have a tendency over-elaborate. I should try to shut my mouth and let the "expert" speak, yes?

OP posts:
MegBusset · 06/12/2009 00:04

Oh crikey

Why is the HV coming? Just because of him not settling well at pre-school? Sounds nuts to me...

FabIsVeryHappy · 06/12/2009 00:08

NO, open your mouth and let the expert speak - YOU.

TheWestsideMasseuse · 06/12/2009 00:12

preschool should be reported imo. your ds sounds perfectly normal. and wtf- telling the hv to come over??

i am a bit worried about all this.

SolosScrapingUpForXmas · 06/12/2009 00:12

Would've thought that observation IN school would be the thing to do.

MegBusset · 06/12/2009 00:13

I would be polite and friendly but assertive

eg

He didn't settle well at the preschool and you and the nursery staff agreed it would be better for him to be taken out, you think he's too young and you'll reassess in a few months

He sometimes wakes in the night because of teething/whatever but it's not a problem for you

If you have any other problems you have the HV's number and will of course ring them for any advice

Original poster
WeThreeNinks · 06/12/2009 00:16

The pre-school manager suggested it. To observe him in his home surroundings. So I arranged it. Hopefully the HV will agree that there isn't a "concern" and that he is just not ready for a structured environment.

And yes, it's purely because he hasn't settled at pre-school aged 2.5.

My DD went to the same one and was given homework at three years old and a special homework book: "Draw thirteen bees, three red, four blue, the rest yellow", for example.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 06/12/2009 00:16

Crikey, it sounds like you're up against some childcare professionals with some funny ideas.
I agree with everyone else about the preschool. That sitting on the carpet for a story time is a really difficult skill to learn. It's good if they have pretty much got it when they start school - but for an under 3 year old to be happy sat on the carpet listening must be pretty unusual.

WingedVictory · 06/12/2009 00:22

I stopped going to an active class because there was a singy bit at the beginning and end (and, to be honest, could get that at the local library for free), which my DS was not keen on. And why should he be?

Restraining sounds very OTT, especially for such a young age. Whenever I have to man-handle my DS, I put it down to a failure to fool him into being enthusiastic about something I want him to do, and resolve to try harder to get him to co-operate!

purplehat · 06/12/2009 00:23

I would be questioning the expertise of the staff to be honest.

I would be asking to see written incident records, and evidence that they have:

a) looked at whether changes in routine are communicated effectively to children before things are about to happen- imagine as an adult the book you are engrossed in being snatched away from you when you are really in to it. That is what it is like for a young child who is suddenly and without warning told to stop what they are doing when they are enjoying it. Good practice would be to use visual timetables, and give children a 5 minute warning before the next part of the routine 'happens'

b) whether they are using correct and age/developmentally appropriate strategies to manage his behaviour.

Every Child Matters states that children's individual needs should be acknowledged, identified and met. It doesn't sound to me as though they are following correct procedures.

From what you have said above I would almost be considering a call to Ofsted as it really does not sound as though this setting is offering high quality provision or that they are behaving at all in your child's best interests.

I would look for another nursery, or a good parent and toodler group if I were you.

Just keep one thing in mind: you know your child better than anyone else and accordingly you need to trust both yourinstincts and what feels right for you.