Oh crap. DS aged 2.5 expelled from pre-school

[WeThreeNinks]

I'm so upset!

Apparently he has been needing to be restrained on several occasions, usually when it is story-time.

And he doesn't want to be pulled way from the toy he is playing with when the arbitrary time deems it so. So presumably not attention-deficit?

He can't see the point of doing what the other children do.

I have been given the cahnce to stop taking him for now until after Easter.

Oh and the staff reported that they were uncomfortable restraining him. Then followed stories in the news, Vanessa George blah blah.

AIBU to want to send DS to Military School in Alaska?

Having come back and read this thread, I would add to the OP that it might be worth talking to either your HV or GP about his hearing.

Not saying this to alarm you, just that my DS was very bright and able but also non-verbal at this age, and mysteriously couldn't be reasoned with at times, in spite of usually being a happy, placid chap.

Mentioned the lack of verbals at his 21/2 yr check, and the HV just asked me the 'can he make himself understood?' type questions.
Well yes, he could, by pointing, squeaking and grunting - and only really to me.

I felt like a fussy mother and left it as I'd already had a possible squint looked in to which came to nothing - felt dreadful when his teacher suggested I get his hearing checked 3 years later and the glue ear was diagnosed.

This doesn't change anything I said about the pre-school, just wanted to suggest a possible other issue to eliminate.
And I agree with MollieO that often it's best to bypass the HV and go straight to the GP.

It's certainly something I'll check out, thank you OurLady. I hope all is well now.

And thanks to all who reassured me that DS' behaviour, and with those particular expectations is nothing to worry about at this stage.

DD was quite a different child and not a boy obviously. I don't have brothers and have only known my sister's son as a little one and he does have a lot of issues so it's hard to know. Live and learn

Oh and "Military school in Alaska" was a stupid thing to write, it's a line from a film which DH and I often jokingly use when discussing DS' Iron Will

V. good point OurLady makes about glue ear, it's amazingly common. My niece had it, I felt guilty for not noticing it, let alone my sister! Good news was, once it was treated she really came out of her shell.

Yes it is common and I did have terrible guilt trips over it - still do.

I used to feel like such a fishwife, having to shout at him to get a reaction - I must have seemed angry all the time to onlookers, but it was the only way to get his attention.

He struggled starting playgroup, nursery and school as he obviously knew I was the only one who could understand him.

He wasn't actually treated, we used our health insurance and they said current policy was not to insert grommets, as they were a potential source of infection and it would clear anyway by 8 or so.

In hindsight, from 5 to 8 is quite a long haul, and I sometimes wonder if he'd have been treated and consequently cleared if we'd used the NHS.

Sorry for the hijack. He's fine now, btw.

Ourlady - maybe, maybe not. A lot of docs think grommets are unnecessary, but as you say, 5 till 8 is an awful long time, so many surgeons will operate if it's necessary. My niece was treated privately - she was on an NHS waiting list but by the time my sister realised quite how bad it was, she wanted it deal with ASAP (it was affecting my niece's weight, bless her, as it was painful to eat - we all felt awful that we'd got frustrated with her not eating). Btw, my sister is an NHS nurse...

Why do they want to make a 2.5 year old sit and listen to a story - makes my blood boil. Let him carry on playing FGS. Jeeeees, what's wrong with these so called educators ?!?!?!?!

I'm quite surprsied at the stick the nursery is getting - maybe they think you are wasting your money and his time if he doen's participate in any of the activities? Also, the restraint issue has become a bit heated - nowhere does the OP say they are sitting n him to get him to listen to a story. It seems they have had to restrain him from climbing onto window ledges, and they don't like doing it. Maybe they are rubbish at being nice, but have concerns and wanted to have you get them checked out?

For all those talking about hearing problems, were these not picked up at the newborn screening?

Most pre-schools do a story time at the end of a session or after the tidying up or after a outside play/running aoruns session. that way they aren't going to have any toys around to distract them. Still didn't help my ds1 who just rolled around the carpet for most of it.

My brother was actually expelled from his playschool in the 1960s as he was the toddler from hell. I told my sons preschool leader about this and she looked wistful and and said they aren't allowed to do that anymore. They had a number of children with challenging behaviour. One took her son out and for the others we ended up paying another member of staff to look after them 1:1. Out committee thought it would be illegal to ask someone to leave (discrimination laws)

2.5 yo is far too early to expect a child to sit and listen to a story.

Our DC started Kindergarten at 3yo and they were just learning to sit still. If a child wandered off during storytime then the teacher would gently try to get them to return but not make a fuss if they did not.

After a while they learned to stay sitting.

As to him making a fuss when removed from play, that is so normal. I complain when DH tells me to turn the computer off and stop MNetting and I am a good bit older than 2.5yo.

Glue ear develops later on EB - some would claim as a result of too many anti-biotics at such a young age.

DS1 had various problems at birth and again shortly after, so was examined several times a day, but glue ear wouldn't have been present then to diagnose.

I didn't mean to change the nature of the thread - just that some aspects of the OP's story sounded familiar, and wanted to point out that it may be worth having checked.

LOL MmeLindt, me too!

Glue Ear is worth mentioning, I think. Sorry to hear about your niece too edam.

DS did have to have antibiotics every day for a year because of possible UTI / kidney problem. And does seem to have every health issue going that a BF child should apparently have a bit extra protection from, that's him all over - contrary

I was also being very optimistic about the stopping play, sitting nicely for snack and a drink, story-time, hoping he'd copy what the others did but seeing as he won't sit still for me to look at a book with him and just wants it his terms

I really misjudged this one. Still he only attended about six sessions so no permanent harm done I hope!

We went for a parents open day at the school where dd 2.9 will start nursery when she is 3 in March, it is attached to the Primary where she will go to when she is older, the teachers there were lovely, child centred and supportive, it was clear they loved their job. They told us that the curriculum (Early years) is centred around play, and is child directed, no toddler has to do anything that they dont want to do, and their expectations of the toddlers are that they are still young and learning and that they will be gently guided. The staff there seem genuinly kind and caring and it sounds like a lot of fun, lots of messy play, painting, drawing etc. WTN i would seriously change pre schools to a setting that is right for your child as this one does not sound like it.

I do have his name down for the nursery attached to DD's school and I am hoping very much that it is as you've described, pigletmania. If he gains a place he will be 3.3 when he starts.

DD didn't attend pre-school until that age despite being a very sociable child because I couldn't get a place for her. An element of my wanting to DS to have opportunities denied to her maybe, but a big ask for him.

Perhaps I'll just give him a complete break for now with the exception of Sure Start groups and swimming.

Good idea WTN, i expect that the nursery attached to the school will be a different kettle of fish, imo staff more trained how to interact with children and to be child centred. For what its worth my dd did not stay still for storytime and would run about at her pre school which she goes to now, but the staff there are also very good and used to let her do what she wanted with a member of staff doing one to one with her. Now she can sit sometimes and listen to stories though not always. It was lovely when i came to pick her up once and found her crossed legged listening to a story. It all depends on the staff at the nursery, ours are wonderful and very relaxed.

That's what I thought would happen with DS eventually pigletmania, except after only six sessions (two hours twice a week) a staff member was clearly quite arsey that her time was being wasted 1:1 with DS and told me so in front of waiting parents

How lovely for you and DD though, that must have been a proud moment

It was WTN but the pre school staff were wonderful with her and just let her do things at her own pace, your nursery doesent sound all that good at all as it should be. In the right environment WTN i am sure that your ds will flourish and develop.