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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2 year old says go away mummy a lot and pushes me meanly

29 replies

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:18

no idea... but is this normal for a toddler to be so mean to his mummy

then reprimand him for his behaviour sending me in a downward spiral!

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2009 22:23

How do you reprimand? And why? It's hurtful to you but he may not mean it in the way we understand it.

teameric · 30/10/2009 22:26

I get this all the time from my DD (3) I also get called a grumpy old troll, and that she dosn't like me, I find it quite amusing, I wouldn't take it to heart just rest assured he must feel quite secure to be able to say things like that to you

Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:29

i reprimand as it is not appropraite behaviour

by leaving him to calm down for 2 minutes and say sorry

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 30/10/2009 22:39

He's 2! Does he understand about saying sorry? Does it mean anything to him?

BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 22:42

I think it might just be his way of saying 'please leave me alone' I need some space. DD can get like that if she's tired and feeling pestered or if she's wanting to concentrate on what she's doing. Don't take it to heart, perhaps just say 'not before I've given you a tickle!', tickle him and then just walk away and start doing something.

Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:43

yes understands completely and now says it as soon as realises done something bad like scream/tantrum without prompting

but the pushing away meanly i am finding hard to deal with

OP posts:

Plonker · 30/10/2009 22:44

You leave him to calm down for 2 minutes? Do you mean like time out?

Basically I would ignore. He's getting a reaction from you. Ignore it and it will stop. I'm sure he doesn't really mean it 'meanly' Bumbly

Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:44

biscuit what a lovely suggestion - thanks will def use that!!!

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Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:45

yes time out

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teameric · 30/10/2009 22:46

It is normal though, he just knows he's been naughty and dosn't want to get told off. Its just his way of dealing with it

Plonker · 30/10/2009 22:50

Aw I think time out is a little harsh bumbly.

I think that maybe your expectations are a little high (although I fully accept that I don't know you or your circumstances) and maybe if you just try to ignore the behaviour you don't like rather than punish it, it might not be as big a deal, if that makes sense.

llaregguBOO · 30/10/2009 22:51

My DS used to do this a lot and still does from time to time. I think I posted about it on here and someone suggested that he is doing it to test me. You are his mummy and he has this little inkling that whatever he does, you'll stick around. So he is testing out that theory by telling you to go away. You need to make him feel secure by reassuring him that you won't go away.

It is very hard to do I know but instead of reprimanding him, could you say cheerfully something like "nope, you are stuck with me today" and suggest a game to play? Or do as BiscuitStuffer suggested and give him some space?

My DS did it a lot after DS2 was born and I made an effort to schedule some real 1 to 1 time with him alone without the new baby. Things are starting to settle down a bit now he is getting older.

Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:52

ignoring has never ever worked with him!

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Plonker · 30/10/2009 22:54

Maybe a firm "that makes mummy sad" and then turn your back on him? Obviously then follow it up with a cuddle etc when he behaves nicely towards you ...

BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 22:54

You could then give him 5 minutes or so and then ask him if he would like to do x,y or z with you (pick something he likes doing). If he says no, you know then that he does just want some down time and is not up for stimulation, so you could say 'that's fine darling, we can do it later if we want to' and just leave it at that. If he says yes, then you can have fun together!

Original poster

bumbly · 30/10/2009 22:56

though what if the pushing is say after ask to change his nappy??? rather than play a task

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BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 22:59

You mean needing to change his nappy and he pushes you away while you try and catch him to do it?

If that's what you mean, then I would just firmly say 'this is non-negotiable . We are absolutely going to change your nappy and you can carry on doing x afterwards. Now then, would you like to fiddle with my house keys / phone while we do it? It will be very quick and then all done' and just grab him and do it.

I would give him info about what's going to happen, that it's non-negotiable and what's going to happen afterwards. And do it.

BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 23:00

I would respond to what he's trying to tell you rather than how he's doing it. Then once you've got the communication going (in his eyes) and that he feels you have understood his issue, you can then move on to how he says things.

This is all in an ideal world of course

MmmHmm · 30/10/2009 23:03

I think the other advice re tickling etc is great, as for the pushing element, why not introduced a "rule" as it were that there is no pushing etc in your house?

Just say calmly every time he does it "No pushing in this house because that is a RULE".

At his age he shouldn't be able to question who is the rule setter and keeper (ie you!) (note you don't say "these are my rules", rather "these are THE rules/the house rules" as if a higher power than yourself even has made it a rule and everyone has to live by it (which in effect they do as you live personally by a "no pushing" rule I'm sure as do most.

Introducing the notion of rules worked very well with my mum doing it with me and my sister, there were the "No pushing, no slamming/playing with doors (trapped finger avoidance) and no kicking" rules. We accepted it as fact and gospel that you weren't allowed to do these things, no question, but she did start early so it was all we'd ever known. She added in "No saying I hate you" as we got older so I never said it.

BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 23:05

Perhaps only ask him things if you don't mind if he says no and then tell him you have to do something if the outcome is inevitable?

BiscuitStuffer · 30/10/2009 23:08

oh and you do of course have to be very careful at nappy changes because the toe gobbler can very often eat all of your toes if you're not careful.

slowreadingprogress · 30/10/2009 23:59

I like your style Biscuit. Agree that it's not worth 'asking' to change a nappy - better to be strong and no nonsense about it. At this age I had ds in pull ups so that he didn't have to lay down, and that really helped.

Totally agree with Biscuit's ideas re tickling/toe gobblers

It does sound as if you are taking all this waaaaay too seriously, and that you could really lighten up and allow both of you to have a bit more fun with it all. You don't need to leap on every perceived bit of rudeness in order to train him to be better. Yes some things need a consequence if it's dangerous or really bad, but otherwise you can divert him, jolly him along, tickle him etc. Look for ways to make the ordinary tasks funny, kids even this age love humour and it doesn't half make the day nicer all round imo.

scottishmummy · 31/10/2009 00:10

kids push boundaries with those they love most - parents.it has a high ouch factor.they largely do it because you.it hurts we bound back

because we love them

Original poster

bumbly · 31/10/2009 22:34

well i have been syaing there are rules

and today....he kicked me with his boots and really hurt me

lovely advice below but still feel in arut and perhaps should lighten up and keep thinking have a discpline prob at mo!

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Plonker · 31/10/2009 22:52

It's very hard to lighten up when your little one has hurt you.

Have you tried explaining to him that he is hurting mummy (sad face/pretend to cry etc)?
My dd can be a little too rough but is then mortified at the thought that she has hurt me/one of her sisters.

Could you possibly try ignoring minor misdemeanors and concentrate more on the more serious stuff (kicking/hitting etc)?

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