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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If a 3 1/2 year old boy said hello or waved to your dc would they reply?

32 replies

deaconblue · 19/10/2009 20:05

Ds often says hello or waves to children he doesn't know at a park, for example. Almost always the other child responds by staring at ds as if he is nuts. I've also taught him to say "my name is shoppingbags' ds, what's your name?" as an introduction to play but again most kids ignore this.
So do your dc's respond to strange small boys or can you think of a better way he can introduce wanting to play with them?

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pippel · 19/10/2009 20:09

my dd would go and play with him

Original poster

deaconblue · 19/10/2009 20:11

thanks, will look out for your nice ds pippel. Am confused what else to suggest, he's struggling to make friends at pre-school too so I've been trying to get him to practise at the park to no avail

OP posts:

Bleatblurt · 19/10/2009 20:13

Your DS sounds like my DS. So many kids ignore him too.

I'm such a sap that I find it totally heartbreaking watching him try to play with other children but them looking at him as if he's mad/ignoring him.

Does your DS get upset or does he just shrug it off and carry on playing by himself? If he's ok with things I would just leave him to it.

Alva · 19/10/2009 20:13

My two (4 and 1) would happily say hello back, but they are friendly little souls and not especially shy - maybe some kids would be a little shy in this scenario? (Not sure they would introduce themselves properly like that - would probably just start playing together - but it's sweet, and they would probably respond with their own names.) They are also totally unsophisitcated; suspect that more reserve kicks in when they're older.

pippel · 19/10/2009 20:13

friendships are really fluid at that age, to be honest they just play with whoever is doing the same activity as them then when they move on to something else they move on to the next person.

Chilimama · 19/10/2009 20:17

DD1 (4.10) would say hello back and wave, she is very confident.

DD2 (3.7) would not reply, she is not very talkative and is quite shy even of people she knows.

DD1 often says hello and smiles at children she doesn't know and doesn't always get a response. I have explained to her that some people are just shy and that is why they don't reply or wave back.

It is hard to explain why other children don't reply, I always feel so sorry for DD1 when she doesn't get a response.

If a child says hello to DD2 and she doesn't respond I always make a point of saying to DD2 that the child is saying hello and being friendly and give the child a big smile myself.

Your ds sounds lovely, sorry I couldn't help just thought I would let you know you are not alone and the other side of it as well

Wallace · 19/10/2009 20:18

No wonder they stare at him as if he's nuts if he has to introduce himself as "shoppingbags' ds". Couldn't you have given the poor boy a proper name

My ds2 is almost the same age and always picking up "friends" when we are out somewhere. He is far too very forward and will grab a poor unsuspecting child and drag her towards the slide, or at the swimming pool he will swim right into someone elses family group

malfoy · 19/10/2009 20:19

My DS (aged 5) won't even wave back and say hello to children he does know.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 19/10/2009 20:21

My eldest DS, aged 4, is especially shy, and looks at kids from his class like they are nuts if they try to speak to him outside of school.

purpleturtle · 19/10/2009 20:21

Mine would be extremely unlikely to introduce themselves, but that wouldn't stop them issuing orders about how to play along in whatever game they've concocted.

luciemule · 19/10/2009 20:22

My ds (now 4.8) used to do that (I never told him too, he just did it) but got lots of stares and no replies and we were just saying this weekend that we've noticed he doesn't bother doing it anymore and has become much more shy, which is sad.
Once at Center Parcs, he said hello to a boy younger but larger than him and the boy whacked him across the cheek! He was only just turned 3 but still comes up with "mummy, do you remember that little boy who smakcked me in the face?"

jemart · 19/10/2009 20:23

My dd does the same as your ds and is frequently met with a similar response. I guess some children are just more timid than others.

PinkyRed · 19/10/2009 20:24

My dd would say hello back and want to play. I find it sad when people and children don't say hello back, but she's getting to be old enough to understand that there are lots of reasons why they don't (shyness etc) so she's ok. I'd rather she was friendly and outgoing like this, even if it means she'll get knocked back sometimes, rather than reserved and shy (like me!)

Egg · 19/10/2009 20:24

My ds1 who will be 4 in feb has only recently started to make friends at the swings very easily.

His best tactic is to take a small ball and kick it around and within minutes other small children flock to join in!

His other more recent tactic is to pretend to shoot other small boys with his finger or a stick or other pretend gun... They often then pretend to shoot him back and before you know it they are pretending to be power rangers or whatever and running round together.

Someone said to me that to go up and ask someone if they want to play is setting themselves up for rejection and they should just go and join in and play and most of the time other small children just happily play with them!

wideratthehips · 19/10/2009 20:26

both my ds from an early age have talked to/waved at any child/adult they know in the street/park. 90% of children did stare (i think due to their age) now that the children are a bit older (5) perhaps a third will just stare....i'm always surprised when the child looks at them a bit slack jawed, whats the problem? shyness? my children are always running around at the park and will play games with anyone...i personally feel this is the way it should be (so i can bounce darling baby on my knee in peace thankyou)

QOD · 19/10/2009 20:27

my dd just stares even if she knows them, she is just like her dad! Blummin oblivious!

She's not as bad now but it would drive me nuts, oh look there's so and so, she would look and say oh yeah and just blank them.

PinkyMinxy · 19/10/2009 20:35

Mine are friendly,too. It does pay dividends I think as I have noticed just how many children of different ages say hello to my DS (age4) in the playground at the end of school.
DS AND DD1 have always been like this,(DD2 is still a baby, but a smiller) and I've noticed a number of their little buddies do the blank stare thing still. DH is very outgoing and I'm quite a smiley person though not as confdent as DH. I wonder how much of it is picking up the social conventions of their parents, or how much is just being resrved/shy or outgoing themselves.

Egg · 19/10/2009 20:39

Sorry should add that if an unknown child said hello my name is ... to my ds1 he would probably not respond as such and may go all shy, but if they just start playing he would join in.

He also sometimes hides behind my legs etc if we see someone from his nursery and i say ooh look it's harry shall we say hello and refuses to even look at nursery friend...

If a small child we dont know says anything to us i always reply and smile though as i would hate any of my own dcs to be ignored if they were being friendly.

Lizzylou · 19/10/2009 20:46

DS2 who is also 3.5yrs old very definitely would.

At that age, DS1 (now 5.5yrs old)probably would have done too. He has got more shy as he's got older and goes bright red if someone he knows says "hello" to him whilst we are out shopping for example, especially if they are girls!

Egg · 19/10/2009 20:46

Minxy i talk to ANYONE AND EVERYONE whether i have met them before or not. I think ds1 is starting to copy! Dd and ds2 are always trying to make friends now but for them this involves just standing next to chosen small child and smiling!

choppychopster · 19/10/2009 20:49

DD (3.1yo) would definitely say hello back and want to play. She's always been very confident and wants to talk to other kids and adults. Don't know where she gets it from, both me and DH are know for being a bit antisocial at times!

On holiday in Italy 6 months ago she made friends with a little Italian boy of about 4y.o. in the swimming pool and even though they didn't speak the same language, they happily played together for an hour.

That said, the builder who was doing our bathroom last week, was slightly bemused by DD's excited ramble about the toys she'd got for her birthday and request for him to play with her Peppa Pig teaset.

chickbean · 19/10/2009 20:51

It's not just other children. DS1 is 3 and he always says hello to everyone. I used to feel bad if people ignored him and would say "I don't think they heard you" so now, if people don't reply, he says (in his not very quiet voice) "Did they not hear me, mummy?" I hope he doesn't lose his exuberance and friendliness.

Doodlez · 19/10/2009 20:53

Both mine would respond.

Then drag him into playing with them even though he's so much younger than them - I've seen it happen!

stealthsquiggle · 19/10/2009 20:54

DS would ignore him - but in a non-differentiated way since he would also ignore his best friend under the same circumstances

DD would probably say "Mummy why is that little boy waving at me?" in her very best piercing 3yo voice, and I would wave because I would assume that one or other DC knew your DS from somewhere

MamaVoo · 19/10/2009 20:55

My 23mo DS is always saying hello to other children and is ignored most of the time. He would be thrilled if a bigger boy said hello or waved to him. He is in complete awe of bigger boys.

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