I am just so angry tonight. DD age 5 has never done anything like this before! I feel such a failure. Sorry long.

[eleanorsmum]

DD is 5 and a really good girl. Bright, loves life and school. I'm preg with no.2 due in 4.5 weeks. DD is sooooooooooooooo excited about the baby. I work at dd's school as a ta in her class mornings only (might not be relevant but thought i'd add it in). She is doing really well, just settled into year 1 no probs. She is a sensible girl and loved by many.

BUT today I picked her up from school as normal but when i strapped her into her car seat i noticed two small nicks in the bottom hem of her school jumper. I asked her what happeend and she said 'child n' did it. I asked how she did not notice him doing it adn she said i was concentrating. I was a little sceptical of this answer and told her we'd talk about it later as we had friends in the car coming for tea (adult and child). didn't want to cause a scene. Left it till after tea and they'd gone and we'd read her readingbook. So she's sat on my lap having cuddles and i asked her again about the cuts (i had earlier noticed another cut on the cuff). She told me again it was 'child n' and she had her jumper off behind her on the chair. I asked agin how she didn't notice it and she squrimed a bit. I then asked if she was telling the truth because she would be in more toruble if she was making up stories. Again she said it was 'child n'. I said ok I will need to ahve a chat with the teacher on monday and find out if she saw anything. I said she had till monday to decide if it was her or 'child n'. She then wobbled and said i think it was me! At this point i hit the roof! she has never lied about anything as serious as this beofre. I told her to go uopstairs straight to bed. I follwed her up and she is now sobbing her heart out. i got angry and cross with her. got her sorted for bed did her medications and then we talked again. I told her how angry i was with her for lying and not respecting her clothes, about mummy and daddy working hard for her toys and clothes and this was not good at all. Also how bad it would have been for mummy to go in on monday to confrotn someone else about cutting her clothes when it was her! She was genuinely sorry and disturbed by her behaviuor, told me she felt sick. I told her that was guilt. She hugged me and sobbed and told me she was so sorry. I told her she would lose half her pocket money each week till she had paid for a new jumper. Settled her inot bed and she's now asleep.

Came dwon and broke my heart with dh. neither of us can believe she lied about this or did it in the first place. I feel so angry and such a failure as a parent. my heart is going and i feel sick which i know is not good for th baby.

Have i issued a suitable punishment? and how can i stop feeling so crap as a parent right now? Thanks for reading and getting the end of this rant.

Yes Savoy, I remember!! I loved those books.

OP - you are going to look back at what she did when she is a grown up lady and you will both laugh

I had to laugh when DD came home with a new hairstyle...lol right before her first school photo too!! She only chopped a bit off but it was very noticable and when i asked her about it she just looked at me open mouthed i don't think they realise once they have given in to the temptation, that it is cut and ruined (in some cases) they just focus on the cutting bit I have gone the other way and provided her with loads of things she can cut to hopefully distract her from her hair lol.

OP, you have just discovered how children learn, by doing.
You can tell them a million times not to do something. But until they actually experience it for themselves, you might as well be speaking a different language.
I love the old Chinese proverb
'I hear, I forget
I see, I remember
I do, I understand'

OMG, you've brought back a really vivid memory! When I was about 6 or 7 I had an irresistable urge to cut a bit off the corner of the towel in the bathroom. No idea why, just did it. My mum went mad, really mad, and the crosser she got the more I denied all knowledge. WHich wasnt the most believable lie given that I'm an only child! I think its very normal to want to cut things up, just to see what happens.

Like another poster said, I wouldnt give a 5yr old pocket money. ds1 is almost 6 and he doesnt get it. He gets a coin from grandparents when they visit, which he can decide if he wants to spend, save for something bigger, or bank it. And sometimes I let him get a crazy bones or a comic as a reward for great behaviour etc. I think at his age, the amount of pocket money would be so small as to be pointless anyway. If you start with a lot, then yearly increases outstrip inflation so to speak! If you give a little to makr a fair starting amount, it takes forever to save up for something worth while; too long for a child to comprehend.

I remember a girl in class stuck a needle (from her I am 7 badge) in my bum. And I yelped. She told the teacher "i just had to do it miss". The teacher said, yeah, know what you mean. I didn't feel justice had been done!!!

Oh dear.

You are not a failure. If you have got this far without jumper-cutting or fibs, you have done miraculously well.

I think fibs start in around Year One. She shouldn't have done it, but it really isn't a huge thing. DS chopped DD's hair off when he was that kind of age - she had beautiful long pre-raphaelite hair, and he made her look like a plucked chicken. Her hair was all over the floor. I was not pleased, and banned the scissors.

But I digress!

FWIW, I wouldn't give a 5-y-o pocket money. I have one, and I don't give her pocket money.

Ah well, it's all over now. I'd save the anger and feelings of failure for something bigger in future, though - and I'm v jealous of you if this is as bad as it gets!!

I've only read the OP, so sorry if this has all been said before!
I think you've been too harsh with her - she did eventually tell the truth, and IMO, that should have deserved a bit of praise to teach her that the truth is better than a lie.
As far as I know, at that age most children will attempt a lie if they think it will get them out of trouble - your dd obviously knew that she'd done something naughty, and was worried about what you would say, and your OTT reaction has probably reinforced this - she needs to know that she did well to tell the truth, only it would have been better to tell it from the start.

She is five. You've been too harsh and you are HUGELY overreacting. FGS don't pile any more guilt onto that poor little girl's head!

yeah the staff were laughing at me?!!? it was all "can I help you up madame snigger?"

I SO deserved it!

oh sorry, I thought this was the fainting thread!!!

DD used to get rather handy with the scissors when she was 3 - hair (beautiful curls gone , brand new trousers etc. Apparently her brother did it by magic whilst at school.
I won't tell you, you were ott, you know that.

Oops, sorry about the extra comma.

My mum cut her dollies hair off believing it would grow back, she was 8 years old, got really told off lol

Eleanorsmum.

Do not beat your self up.
We all go over the top sometimes.
You are pregnant.

Forget it happened and learn that next time she does something similar that she is learning all about the big world around her.

I set fire to my curtains around the same age, mum went mental, so I said it was my brother. She knew it was me the whole time!!!!

Eleanorsmum - don't beat yourself up - we all go a bit OTT sometimes. As long as you don't dwell on it everything will sort itself out.
When I was at primary school I drew a big yellow circle on my painting shirt (do you remember having to use your dad's old shirt??), and (horror!) it went through to my school shirt, and stained it permanently.
My mum went ape shit, and I started fibbing. In the end, my fibs got so elaborate that I think my mum just started to find it amusing. I was literally coming up with story after story every time my mum caught me out. In the end, much like your DD, she caught me out with the classic 'I will have to speak to the Headteacher on monday' line.
On the upside, I certainly thought twice about lying in the future, and me and my mum still laugh about it to this day!!!

OP could I make a suggestion - read first couple of pages of thread so if already been said my apologies.

Lo made a mistake that she won't be making again, she has been punished and probably feels awful. If you are going to continue with the punishment re pocket money, can I suggest that you do it for a couple of weeks then take her to a clothes shop and let her choose something special that she has bought with her own money rather than a school jumper. I would think this would really be appreciated in years to come and that she would really respect the item of clothing she chose and would probably never let anything happen to it.

Ultimately you have pg hormones (urgh so horrid and turn us all into mrs hyde!) so of course you over reacted - I threw something at my husband for not emptying the bin the way I wanted him to (DH didn't understand why being shouted at when emptying the bloody bin!) - but just show lots of love and affection as am sure you usually do.

Hope your DH didn't then try to punish her the following morning - both parents being upset with her over it would be horrid. And lets face it, it is school uniform (hated universally) and she is 5 so could well grow out of it quite quickly - no excuse but. Also be thankful for loving good dd, if a ds you probably would have been through more jumpers from playground adventures.

Although think you may have overeacted, in long run you are forgiven

Having just read my post again no offence to anyone with DS, imo they are usually more loving and cuddly with mummy than dd can be, just wanted to say they are generally more adventurous and therefore clothes get a good old bashing.

Doodleydoo, you are quite right in my experience!
(Though DD can shred a pair of Start-Rites within a matter of three or four weeks, just by playing like a boy. Grr).