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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Have you ever left your child/children alone in the house or car?

121 replies

SuperAmoo · 08/10/2009 08:27

The other day, my 3 month old DD2 was finally asleep after having been awake since 4.30am and I couldn't bare to wake her to take my other daughter to preschool so...I left her at home sleeping in her cot. I locked the house obviously and I was only gone for 12 minutes. But I would NEVER do it again because I spent the whole time so panicked I could hardly breathe with worry about the house burning down or being delayed by a car crash or being reported to social services. Have you ever left your child alone in the house or car. Sometimes I park outside the corner shop and run in for some milk and a paper leaving the children in the car (with child locks on) - it's only for 1-2 minutes but since this nursey worker paedophile thing I don't think I should do that anymore. Any thoughts

OP posts:

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Set a reminder

Ripeberry · 09/10/2009 21:18

I did go to a party next door when our DD1 was 8 weeks old, but we had our Tommy walkabout baby listener and could still get a signal. My DH and I took turns to pop back into the house every 15 mins or so.
But I would NEVER drive anywhere leaving a child in the house because its tempting SODS LAW that something will happen

maybebaby23 · 10/10/2009 12:29

I have heard the story of someone creeping into the back seat of someone elses car while they paid for petrol..im sure it was going around facebook for a while..does make me shudder

abra1d · 11/10/2009 10:42

Yup, TheMouse. Everyone, read snopes. Most of these silly stories are debunked there.

cory · 11/10/2009 12:10

As for the question of leaving a 12yo and a 7yo alone in the house, my own 12yo and 9yo have just gone into town on the bus, leaving the house very peaceful . I've told them to be back by 2.30

Rocky12 · 11/10/2009 17:06

Problem is that it COULD happen. How easily could someone get into the back of your car? How many of us leave the car open whilst we fill up with petrol? Agree, it is a creepy story but I ALWAYS lock my car when going into pay for petrol.

prettybird · 11/10/2009 17:45

I recently left ds (9) in the car while I popped into M&S. Only I autonatically locked the car as I left it - which meant that the motion sensitive alarm was activated.

I got back to a very disgruntled ds, who, after it had activated once, I had to sit as still as a statue until I got back.

AvrilH · 12/10/2009 16:53

"How easily could someone get into the back of your car?"

They'd want to be very small and well camoflaged, for DD and me not to notice them in the backseat, and also to avoid being picked up on the petrol station's CCTV.

hairyclaireyfairy · 12/10/2009 22:51

What should I do?
I have an eight year old who is a wheelchair user. Should I get the chair out of the boot, strap him in to his many harnesses pay for petrol or bread then return to car put chair back in boot and strap him into car again with many harnesses. No, I run into the shop job done 1 minute. Simple .
tbh think some of you are molycoddling, what are you going to do when your child is able and aware enough to do normal things, you are so going to be screwed because they will have zero sense of independance and no I am not talking about leaving a baby in the car for a minute.

agingoth · 12/10/2009 23:11

Is it only me who thinks the incredibly heightened level of anxiety about children now is really quite depressing?

I mean ffs, how many children are actually abducted from locked cars at petrol stations?

I am a lone parent and my 6 year old has occasionally been left in for 5 mins while I have had to pop out to the corner shop cos we were out of something essential. Wouldn't do it when the 2 year old is up, but that is out of fear of what he would do to the house not fear of abduction by some ever-ready predator.

Ready for my pyre now....

seeker · 12/10/2009 23:19

I lert my 8 and 13 year olds tonight so that I could go to a PTFA meeting and then for a quick drink. !3 year old made their supper, they ate, washed up, watched a bit of telly then put themselves to bed, and were sound asleep when I got home at 10.00.

33k · 12/10/2009 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverySingleStar · 13/10/2009 00:06

I wouldn't. What if baby woke up, rolled over and got arm/leg stuck in the cot and was screaming and writhing the whole time you were gone?

Sorry if this is a x-post, haven't read the whole thread.

LunarSea · 13/10/2009 06:06

So when you arrive home with sleeping child in the car and shopping to unload do you all get the child out first? And then carry them in and out of the house while you get the shopping in one bag at a time becasue you have to carry the child all the time and can neither leave them in the car while you unload the bags, or inside while you go back out to the car for the shopping?

FWIW I wouldn't leave my youngest (2.6) at home on his own but have no qualms at letting ds1 (8) watch him for a bit while I'm doing things outside and they're in the house. Or even if he's fallen asleep on the way home leaving him in the car - with the door or window open - on the driveway while I do things from where I can see/hear if he wakes rather than waking him by getting him out and knowing he'll not go back to sleep again afterwards.

I guess I'm less protective than most of you though - I also let my 8 year old walk the 200 metres from school to tennis club on his own (no roads to cross) when the accepted thing here seems to be that they need to be accompanied to and from school at least until they go to secondary.

abra1d · 13/10/2009 08:50

I'm not over-protective of mine. I'm just about to send them (11 and 12) on a train journey of about 40 miles alone.

I hate this mollycoddling. It's actually creating future risks for some children, who will end up working in big cities but have no instinct for avoiding danger because they've never been allowed to build up their 'gut' response to situations.

AvrilH · 13/10/2009 08:53

33k "However, I wouldn't recommend leaving the baby at home - what if you#d had an accident?"

again, I'd just be grateful my dc had not been involved in the accident

prettybird · 13/10/2009 09:33

LunarSea - you're not alone. Ds has been walking to and from school (10-15 minute walk, a number of roads to cross, only one of which has a lollipop man) every day since he started P5 (equiv Y4) and had started walking to school occasionally in P3, when he was 7.

He's even to the park with his friends unaccompanied by adults - 10 minute walk away

Undercovamutha · 13/10/2009 09:57

I would never leave DCs in the house whilst I went on the school run, but I do leave them in the house whilst I hang the washing out! I also leave DS (6mo) asleep in the house whilst I am out in the street keeping an eye on DD (3) riding her bike - although I lock the house and stay in monitor range. I do think, that unless you manage to clone yourself or have two adults at home all day, when you have 2 DCs you have to balance risk against reward a bit.
I have left DD in the car since she was a baby, whilst I went to pay for the petrol, and I now leave her with DS in the car although I make sure there is nothing she can poke him with or throw at him!!!! I do tend to keep them in sight the whole time though, and I lock the car of course.
In fact, when DS was very tiny, it was such a nightmare to get them both in and out of the car to go shopping, that I did actually do quite a lot of shopping in the Esso garage with them in the car

plod · 13/10/2009 10:11

There is quite a difference between leaving LOs in the car for 2 minutes while you pay for fuel...and leaving nearly quarter of an hour while you go to school!
Most people leave children in the car here and there for a few minutes...or in the house while they put washing/bins out, but you are within reach of them.
I assume you are regretful for leaving the LO alone? And are just glad that nothing did happen. I think you know yourself the answer and apart from the fact that something could have happened to you or child....it is against the law.

abra1d · 13/10/2009 10:14

It's not exactly against the law. There have been many threads on this subject. The law doesn't give exact ages for when you can leave a child at home.

plod · 13/10/2009 10:38

Nowhere does it say it is against the law to leave your children alone at any age, however...it would be deemed as neglect. The case would be taken on it's own merits with everything taken in to account, and am sure that common sense would prevail and nothing would come of it, however, it would/could definitely be deemed as neglect.
We all assume that the child would be safe in their own home, locked in for literally a few minutes, and more often that not they would be, does not detract from the fact that it would be child neglect under the legislative definition. Therefore...it would be against the law.

prettybird · 13/10/2009 10:54

It would be deemed neglect if you left them for an appreciable amount of time: I don't think 12 minutes would be deemed to be that.

This is a case where I do think that the law has a degree of common sense: whereas it might be deemed to be neglect to leave a mobile toddler unattended for even a short period, to leave a sleeping baby for a very short period would not be.

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