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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Have you ever left your child/children alone in the house or car?

121 replies

SuperAmoo · 08/10/2009 08:27

The other day, my 3 month old DD2 was finally asleep after having been awake since 4.30am and I couldn't bare to wake her to take my other daughter to preschool so...I left her at home sleeping in her cot. I locked the house obviously and I was only gone for 12 minutes. But I would NEVER do it again because I spent the whole time so panicked I could hardly breathe with worry about the house burning down or being delayed by a car crash or being reported to social services. Have you ever left your child alone in the house or car. Sometimes I park outside the corner shop and run in for some milk and a paper leaving the children in the car (with child locks on) - it's only for 1-2 minutes but since this nursey worker paedophile thing I don't think I should do that anymore. Any thoughts

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JeminTheDungeon · 09/10/2009 12:49

too...

jenniferturkington · 09/10/2009 13:00

thank goodness for Prettybird and her voice of reason as I was starting to feel bit neglectful! I have never taken babies/toddler out at a petrol station and I don't know anyone who does in real life.
I wouldn't leave a baby in the house alone while I went out in the car, but I would (and do) leave them while I hang washing/do bins etc nd tbh am quite at people who would worry about this. Where do you draw the line? My 2 year old plays upstairs alone while we are downstairs- yes we can usually hear him and we check on him- but from what I am hearing on here some people would be worried about their bedroom curtains setting alight or them choking on a play mobil dog. Surely you have to take little risks or you will send yourselves mad with worry?
We don't have monitors either- was worried my toddler would strangle himself with the wire

prettybird · 09/10/2009 13:08

While we are talking about risks, we also never had any stair gates (live primarily on the first floor, with wide stairs down to our frint door, and also have narrow stairs up to the attic floor - which is where ds, from the age of c. 3 has his room). We just ensured that ds learnt to go up and down stairs safely.

However, that did come back to haunt us the morning ds escaped thorugh the open door panel (for the cats - we hadn't got round to putting the cat flap in) at 7 am (my fault - I had left the storm doors open when I left at 6 am in the pouring rain) and dh found him at the other side of the house next door . Ds was only 18 months old and had only been walking for about 2 months

Jem27 · 09/10/2009 13:14

I have a nine week old and would never ever leave him to pop out no matter how inconvenient it would be for me or him! I would be petrified of something happening to me which would mean I couldnt get back and no one would know he was at home on his own.

I may get shot down in flames for this but Im surprised at how many people think that having more than one DC means that they have an excuse to leave their children alone and therefore thinks its ok.

And for the record this isnt my first, I also have a DD who is 11..

AvrilH · 09/10/2009 13:28

Just thinking - I've never actually left my 9 month old PFB, but I don't think there is anything wrong with what the OP did.

skinsl · 09/10/2009 13:42

I am thinking i am overprotective now! I think i am more worried about someone running away with him, or jumping into the car and driving off with him. ( maybe watch too much TV!) I don't remember ever taking the carseat into the petrol station, so I must just never have done it when he was a tiny baby, but i always take him in with me now.Sometimes in buggy, if I need shopping. But I'm talking about tesco express e.g where the car spaces are too far away to see. I do leave him playing on his own in a different room, but the other day ran to the loo and when i came back he had pulled chair and table over to the counter and was trying to climb up! i think as a mother you know best, you weigh up everything and you make the decision about how safe they are. A 3mth old in a cot isn't going anywhere, yes, but I can imagine how you felt trying to get back to her!

MovingOutOfBlighty · 09/10/2009 13:47

I never take the DCs out of the car for paying at petrol station, until a friend was about this as the car could be stolen.

So, feeling judged and wanting to do the right thing, I took my dcs out of the car. DS (age 2) is in full 'escaping mode' and when I put him down to get my wallet out, he ran out of the garage and just got missed being hit on the forecourt. It was really distressing.

So, I have risked assessed the situation now and decided that it is safer to leave them where I can see them.

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 09/10/2009 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skinsl · 09/10/2009 14:20

would have to cross that bridge when i come to it, i only have one!
Completely agree that petrol station forecourt is not the safest place for children.

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 09/10/2009 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skinsl · 09/10/2009 14:26

sorry if I upset you Ruby, yes must be tough with 3

clarea1 · 09/10/2009 14:27

I think Purple raises a a valid point - yes whilst the context was different, u just don't know what could happen - fire, baby could choke etc. yes it's dramatic but it does happen to ordinary people.

I never ever leave my ds in the car or house... the most i do is go down the yard and feed the hens but i have the baby monitor with me.

When i get fuel i use pay at pump. so much easier.

RubyrubyrubysAScaryOldBint · 09/10/2009 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SuperAmoo · 09/10/2009 15:05

Wow this is all really interesting, I'm glad I posted this thread. I have to say that I do leave my nearly 4 year old in the car when I get pay for petrol as I judge it to be safer than carrying a wiggly baby and holding on to my DD1's hand and trying to dodge cars. But I can see the car at all times. I do worry about a petrol pump suddenly blowing up but I don't think you can live your life according to the worst case scenario without going abit loopy. Like a baby could easily choke on vomit while you're hanging out the washing but IMO that wouldn't be a case of neglect that would just be horribly bad luck. I put my baby to sleep on her side anyway to prevent this happening! Like I said though I would never EVER leave my baby alone in the house again while I drove somewhere - it was absolutely terrifying and I've had several nightmares about it since. I mentioned the paedophile thing because they discussed snatching a 3 year old child who was standing outside the toilet cubicle while her mum did a wee.

OP posts:

BigusBumus · 09/10/2009 15:11

I have left my DS2 in his cot asleep (inside a Grobag) during the afternoon with the monitor on and my neighbour tuning in with a spare key. I've done this several times, as has my neighbour when her DS is asleep,we help each other out. Its the only way either of us can get to the post office in the village or whatever. Neither of us is gone for more than about 10mins, the houses are locked, one of us is listening in and no harm has come. NOw that the boys are older and out of cots, we no longer do it.

prettybird · 09/10/2009 15:13

If you take the "fear of what might happen" to extremes, then parents should take it in turns to sleep while the other watches the baby. You never know what might happen while you are asleep.

Rocky12 · 09/10/2009 15:26

On this subject, could anyone tell me whether I can leave a 12 year old in the house alone with a 7 year old for say an hour?

Also, talking about petrol stations, my sister was travelling in Australia and met a young women who had hired a car. She stopped in the Outback to fill up (didnt lock her car)and then proceeded on her way. After a couple of mins in the pitch dark she noticed that there was a car following her, flashing his lights, trying to overtake etc etc. She eventually found another filling station, ran in and the chap ran in after her... He had only been trying to warn her that someone had got into the backseat of her car when she was at the previous petrol station.

I always now lock my car when I go and pay. Some of the posters state they can always see their car when they are queuing to pay, but what if a lorry blocks your view. Do you rush out? My mother was shocked the other day that I let my 12 year old walk 1/2 mile to the local shops forgetting that I went to a school 3 buses away when I was 11. I do agree that these posts can get a little judgy tbh.

purepurple · 09/10/2009 16:03

Rocky, there is no law on leaving children. But if anything happens you can be held responsible.
I would leave a 12 and a 7 year old.
But it does depend on the children, really.
I think it does them good to be independent.

prettybird · 09/10/2009 16:16

We left ds from the age of c.8 on occasion for about 45 minutes: either very early morning, when dh was dropping me off at the airport (so ds was still in bed) or in the early evening, when dh would make into town to pick me up from work (ds was left watching TV) - with strict instructions not to answer the phone (unless it is either of us or his aunt) or the door.

But this is predicated on knowing his character and knowing that he does understand that this is a privilige and will not abuse it.

cory · 09/10/2009 17:00

For those of you who would never leave a baby alone in a stationary car for fear of it being crashed into- what kind of protection do you think your presence in the same car would be? Or would you also refuse to sit in a stationary car with a baby at all. Dd has been in cars that have been driven into twice. On both occasion at least one responsible adult was present. And there was absolutely nothing this adult could have done to either stop the collision or protect the child. On the first occasion it was the adult who was injured, on the second occasion, thankfully, nobody was.

cory · 09/10/2009 17:01

not defending myself btw- I don't drive so it's a purely theoretical question

WonderBundlesMommy · 09/10/2009 17:05

Sounds like maybe I'm too far the other way, but I would never, ever leave DS (16m) in the car when I run across to pay for petrol, napping or not --- though I know lots of folks in RL that do, for me personally it is just absolutely not an option. I always take him with me for everything, including to hang out the wash (which is very difficult!) and get the mail. It is hard to never waver on this, but I'd rather it be difficult and me be comfortable with what I'm doing. I would be ill thinking that he could wake up and be crying for me, much less all the other things that can happen. DH is not sure why we bought a monitor...

mamalovesmojitos · 09/10/2009 17:18

i would never leave dd (5) alone. i may be over-protective, and i dont necessarily judge those that do! i'm just too nervous to. i wouldn't step outside the door or car without her.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 09/10/2009 17:29

Again, having had a ds wriggle away from me in the queue for petrol in the shop and nearly get hit by a car, it made me realise that I wished I hadne't felt judged by others and had followed my instincts that the chance of him being hit by a car at the 'bolting' stage was far higher than being snatched etc.

TheMouse · 09/10/2009 21:14

ahem www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/backseat.asp Rocky12 are you sure the person your sister met was entirely credible?

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