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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Have you ever left your child/children alone in the house or car?

121 replies

SuperAmoo · 08/10/2009 08:27

The other day, my 3 month old DD2 was finally asleep after having been awake since 4.30am and I couldn't bare to wake her to take my other daughter to preschool so...I left her at home sleeping in her cot. I locked the house obviously and I was only gone for 12 minutes. But I would NEVER do it again because I spent the whole time so panicked I could hardly breathe with worry about the house burning down or being delayed by a car crash or being reported to social services. Have you ever left your child alone in the house or car. Sometimes I park outside the corner shop and run in for some milk and a paper leaving the children in the car (with child locks on) - it's only for 1-2 minutes but since this nursey worker paedophile thing I don't think I should do that anymore. Any thoughts

OP posts:

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overmydeadbody · 08/10/2009 16:01

I have left my DS outside supermarkets while I nip in to do a quick shop since he was about 5. Not in a car, because we don't have a car, but guarding the bikes

MarthaFarquhar · 08/10/2009 16:03

DD is 2.7, and I only leave her momentarily - paying for petrol, returning supermarket trolley, unloading car. Longest is putting the bins out, which I need to take down the end of a 70 yard ginnel.

Madly, I still get visions of tripping over my own feet and being passed out in the ginnel while DD plays in the house, but then there is only as much chance of this happening as of me falling down stairs in the home.

Harimosbroomstick · 08/10/2009 16:23

Skinsl - I'm betting you only have 1 child!

I used to always take DS out with me, but since having DD, it's simply not possible. It would be far more hazardous for me to unload two small kids and then try to stop them running off (well, DS anyway - but trying to do that while holding DD would be skillful!!)

But, I'd never leave them if I couldn't see them in the car / see if they were upset.

skinsl · 08/10/2009 16:31

yes, admittedly I only have 1! Don't know what I'd do id i had to balance more, get husband to go the petrol station?!! ha ha

vbusymum1 · 08/10/2009 16:50

Looks like maybe I'm in the negligent minority but sometimes needs must as I on my own most of the time with 4 DCs and I just couldn't manage if I had to have them all with me or in my sight at all times.
I think my DCs are lucky that where we live they are able to play unsupervised and be left alone and I recognise that I would have to act differently if we lived somewhere else.
I hope that this will continue as there's no doubt in my mind that all 4 have gained independence and maturity by being alone and I do worry for the next generation if they never have to rely on themselves.

cory · 08/10/2009 17:07

I don't see why they should need to practise independence when they are 3 months old, but imo it is a little worrying if parents can't let go of a big 9yo. My 9yo has just come in from playing round the corner on his bike (cul-de-sac with no traffic). I know he needs that independence, not least because he will be going to secondary in two years time- which may mean travelling all over town on local buses to get there, and will almost certainly mean wanting to go into town with his mates at week-ends. He is showing very clearly that he is getting to the age where he needs to gently start cutting himself free.

I was happy to baby him when he was little, but I can see that I can't get away with babying him now.

mrsjuan · 08/10/2009 17:26

Am I the only one who is really shocked that someone would leave a 3 month old alone? Aside from the baby waking up distressed, I presume that the OP went out in the car - what would have happened in the event of an accident? I know it's unlikely but there's always that possibility.

I would never do it.

scattykatty · 08/10/2009 17:36

I would never do it. I felt sick pegging the washing out or taking the bins to the end of the drive when DS was that young. It would only take 2 mins for them to be sick and choke.

I feel you should always be in earshot when they are that young. Just common sense.

vbusymum1 · 08/10/2009 18:11

cory - yes, I agree that babies don't need to be left alone but I'm surprised by some of the comments about older children. Actually I wouldn't leave a child to drive 12 minutes because I would be worried about having an accident/breaking down etc but I can honestly say that I've never worried about the risk of choking while hanging washing etc. Is this something that happens often, it's not a subject that I've ever heard any of my friends talk about or mention as being a reason not to be out of earshot.

Harimosbroomstick · 08/10/2009 18:13

Skinsl - I knew you only had one!!

Seriously, I think it's normal to be like that (well, I was) - once you have 2 or more, life does (and has to) change.

I don't think you can ever say you'd never do it... I couldn't (and didn't) ever leave DS but I do leave DD now and again - only when I'm in the house but our house is quite large and it could take more than a few seconds to reach her... It's just about managing the risk factor.

Right now, I'd never leave either of them out of sight. They are too young to understand and I'd never cope if (however unlikely) somehting bad did happen,

But I'm not going sit here and judge.

I do what is right for me and my kids right now. I'm sure everyone who is taking the time to post of mumsnet has their kids best interests at heart.

SardineQueen · 08/10/2009 18:18

Must admit I always thought in theory it would be OK to pop out very briefly when they were in the cot - they can't get out etc.

Never would do it though, just would feel too worried.

Always leave them in the car when getting petrol.

Rycie · 08/10/2009 18:18

I don't think this is a good idea, I don't want to sensationalise a tragedby but recently there was an awful case two weeks ago with a family here (am in South Africa) who had come home from shopping for their two year old's birthday party and she had fallen asleep in the back sleep. The car was brand new, and they had taken the groceries into the kitchen with their dd asleep in the back and the car burst into flames. A problem with the electrics apparently. The little girl died and the mum got badly burned trying to get her out the back seat. Such a tragedy, and a total freak accident but I will never again leave my baby asleep in the car...

lynniep · 08/10/2009 18:23

in the car - yes - if I can see him through a shop window and if I'm going to be relatively quick. (our local co-op has full glass windows at the front which is great as I can pop in and see him at all times)

In the car outside the house, when he's asleep - yes - but I put the monitor in there so I can hear him and see the temperature.

Also for petrol as I can always see the car from the shop.

in the house - I've left him in the house asleep to go post a letter, but then the postbox is yards from our house. I wouldnt leave him for longer than that - he can get up to allsorts in a short time and I can never be sure if he'll wake up or not (he's got a mummy radar and he knows when I go out)

slowreadingprogress · 08/10/2009 18:31

In the car - no, because my aunt's stationary car was crashed into at speed and it was only a second or two before that my aunt had lifted my baby cousin out, and she'd almost left her in there to avoid the hassle...

in petrol station, never found it necessary; either pay at pump or did it in evening for example without DS in car (as a baby)

At home, no. He's 7.

I imagine that I would feel it appropriate to leave him for short whiles from about 9 perhaps, maybe older. At present, even though he is sensible and capable, he is too naive and inexperienced to cope with the truly unexpected were it to happen without me there.

overmydeadbody · 08/10/2009 19:14

No MrsJuan, you are not the only one. I would never leave a 3 month old alone, but I am not exactly shocked at the news that others do.

Bramshott · 08/10/2009 19:55

There are of course horrible stories of cars with children in bursting into flames, but surely it is statistically MUCH more likely that your car will burst into flames whilst in motion, rather than while stationary with the engine off?

I think we are really rather bad at assessing risk these days - the most risky thing we do with our children is put them in a moving car, but most of us do it every day without a second thought.

barleycorn · 08/10/2009 20:11

I used to leave dc in car whilst paying for petrol,until I turned around one day after paying to find ds1 (then 2.9) pushing open the door to the shop! In the time it had taken me to pay, he'd undone his straps, climbed over into the front, opened the door, crossed the forecourt(!!!) and come in. Now I get petrol in the evenings or they both come in with me.

I'd never leave a baby in the house asleep, but then my babies were always terrible sleepers and unpredictable as to when they'd wake up.

HolyBumoley · 08/10/2009 21:26

No, MrsJuan, you are not the only one to find this shocking. I still find it hard to believe that anyone could actually leave a 3-month-old in the house on their own.

Meglet · 08/10/2009 21:36

dear Lord! I wouldn't have left a baby in the house on it's own. Maybe I'm mean but I would rather he was whipped out of bed and cried all the way than left there. If a fire breaks out he's not going to get out is he.

Please don't do it again.

I don't leave mine in the car either, although I probably would at a petrol station but I always get the 'pay at the pump' ones these days.

slowreadingprogress · 08/10/2009 23:48

I don't think we're that bad at assessing risk.

the risk of having a child in our moving car with us is managed by some factors; we are with them, we are using our observational skills and our experience of driving.

There's no management of risk if a baby is in a car alone. We are not able to assess any possible risk because we are, well, not there

statistically the one risk (of accident in moving car) is more likely but that doesn't negate the risk of the other scenario completely and as a parent one of our responsibilities is to minimse the risk to our child as far as we can, and we can't do that unless we are actually with our child. I'm talking baby or very young and therefore more unpredictable/less reliable child here, I'm not advocating 12 year olds never be out of sight

Dominique07 · 09/10/2009 00:06

I just remembered - have HAD to run downstairs (2 minute walk down several flights of stairs) with smelly rubbish bins. Locked front door and gone out with rubbish then straight back up.

Gone for 4 mins and know that no-one is able to get in the building but felt TERRIFIED that I would get mugged and not get back to my sleeping LO.

AvrilH · 09/10/2009 12:18

See, if I am to be in a terrible car accident or get mugged, etc, I'd much rather my baby were safely at home sleeping in her cot.

Granted she might wake up and be distressed, but the alternative is potentially much worse.

prettybird · 09/10/2009 12:38

At 3 months old a baby is not going anywhere. Personally, even at 3 months, I had a rule that I didn't go in to his room until ds has been crying for a wee while anyway. I also never had baby monitors - quite deliberately.

I was also happy to go outside and hang up the washing without taking him with me. For a large washing (which might aslo involve taking down dry washing) it could easily take more than 12 minutes. It find it difficult to understandt people who think that the baby has to be by thier side at all timesand that anything else exposes the child to unacceptable risk.

We all judge risk differently. I for example chose to excusively breast feed ds until he was 12 months old as I wanted to mximise his resitence to disease and give him the best possible start to life. That was my judgement - and that was a risk I felt I could do something about. On the other hand, I did not perceive any appreciable risk in leaving him for a few minutes at a time - but won't judge others that do.

JeminTheDungeon · 09/10/2009 12:40

I don't know ANYONE who takes their baby out of the car while they pay for petrol....just for the record....

prettybird · 09/10/2009 12:47

Me neither Jemim - it was only though Musnet that I learned that such people existed

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