Questions for Mums of children age 2.5

[Marioandluigi]

I am really just trying to work out how far behind my DS2 is in terms of his self care. He has ASD and a communication delay, but I think its dawning on me that that isnt the only area he is falling behind in.

Do your DC's dress themselves?
Do Your DC's feed themselves?
What kind of cup do your DC's drink from?
What other self-care tasks can your DC's preform, teeth cleaning, putting on shoes etc.

I was so upset yesterday when I got DS from his new pre-school and the teacher asked the children to put thier coats on and my DS sat there and didnt move, as he didnt understand, but he cant put his coat on anyway

My DS is 2.3 - he can't dress himself (although he can be bossy about what he will and won't wear!) He can put his coat on only if sleeves are right way round. he can't do zipper together but can pull it up if i put it together (IYKWIM) He can feed himself but not use a knife. He drinks from a normal cup (but we still have the occassional spillage!) He can sort of clean his teeth - he will brush from side to side but can't brush his back teeth so we do that for him. He can't put shoes on proerly unless they are very easy acces but he can take his shoes off. We are just mastering pulling down trousers for potty training but it takes some effort.

It all takes time and repetition. Am sure your DS will get there.

DS2 is 2.2mo and doesn't really talk much yet, although he does understand almost everything we say to him. I'm not sure if he has a speech problem.

He can't dress himself without help but does try, and can put his arms in the sleeves of his top and pull his trousers up and down.

He does feed himself using a knife and fork (well sometimes he eats off the knife, but that is still better than DS1 manages most of the time)

He drinks from a plastic cup at the table and has a sippy type cup at other times.

He brushes his hair and teeth (chews toothbrush), can do velcro straps on his shoes with help.

He will go and fetch his shoes and jacket etc if asked to put them on.

Why not speak to the preschool staff and see if they have any concerns?

Hi my DS tries to dress himself but can't really- he more 'helps' me while insisting he needs to do it himself.

He can feed himself (if I cut his food up for him) but sometimes when he has had a long day he asks me to help him.

He drinks from a normal cup most of the time (but we do have spillages) although I tend to use one with a non-spill top and straw when we are out and about.

He attempts to clean his teeth but isn't very goos at it at all. Cant put his shoes on but can do up the velcro.

Sorry to hear that you had an upsetting time when you collected him - my DS would def not have been able to put his coat on and I don't think that makes him behind many 2.5yo.

dd1 is 2.3yo

She can't dress herself though likes to try - can just about pull trousers up and down and can get her socks off (lots of teaching of "pull it from the heel" from dh!

She can feed herself but prefers "mummy help" - she has a knife and tries to use it but doesn't really do anything useful!

She can drink out of an open cup

She can clean her teeth - but we have to finish it as it is more sloshing the toothbrush round her mouth

She can put her shoes on (velcro fastening)

She can wipe her own face if asked to

She can fetch a tissue and blow her nose and almost get it all in a tissue

She also likes to fetch a tissue to clean her little sister

I think a lot depends on what you teach them - my dh is very good at spending time showing her how to do things whereas I am so busy dealing with everything else that I tend to do more things for her to hspeed her up.

meant to say - she will put her coat on by putting her arms in the holes with eth back of her coat at the front - so I wouldn't worry about that part - horrid that it was upsetting though

I think they are expecting a lot from your son. My DD is 2.7 and can't put her own coat on, though she would give it a try. Apparently a good way to teach them is to put their arms in with the coat on their tummy, but upside down, then they lift their arms and coat up over their heads, et voila! Or if it has a hood hang it on their heads first before getting their hands in.

Other things - she can feed herself and is getting handy with a knife too. Drinks from an open beaker. Uses the toilet independantly using a step and little seat - but needs help with wiping. Can take shoes on and off but needs help with buckles. Can sort of get dressed and undressed, but needs help with pants and socks and often gets things inside out and back to front.

My dd is 2.5:

Do your DC's dress themselves? She can take her top off, pull her trousers down, put her shoes (no laces) on otherwise no.
Do Your DC's feed themselves? Yes
What kind of cup do your DC's drink from? Open beaker at home, where I worry less about spillage.
What other self-care tasks can your DC's preform, teeth cleaning, putting on shoes etc - she can brush her teeth.

Very similar to Lionstar's dd.

i think it's abit unfair to expect preschool children to have mastered the art of coats in October.
I haven't even put my ds in his winter coat yet but I am sure by jan/feb he'll be more capable. ditto socks and winter shoes. They have't been in them long (this autumn/winter) and won't have remembered them from last winter.

OP please don't worry about this. just practise every day and by xmas time he'll be better.

Mine can put leggings or pg bottoms on
Can take off zippered coats or hoodies
Can eat with fork or spoon
Can drink out of an open cup but is still quite likely to spill it everywhere
Can attempt to clean teeth

My dd is exactly 2.5 too..

Do your DC's dress themselves?
Can take off no probs, tries to put on, but makes a pig's ear of it. Good at shoes though, the slip on velcro variety. I think that is just inherited from my fixation with shoes.

Do Your DC's feed themselves?
Pretty much yes, although she still likes to be spoon fed as a sort of game and tbh sometimes it's a good way of making sure she eats up.

What kind of cup do your DC's drink from?
Mostly the non-spill safety ones, but is able to do an open cup depending on her mood/what she's concentrating on.

What other self-care tasks can your DC's preform, teeth cleaning, putting on shoes etc.

She can't put her own coat on, won't clean her own teeth, shoes you know about. Goes up and down stairs ok, safely. Definitely wouldn't know how to hang up a coat. Fully potty trained, so will go off to potty and have a wee or poo, but mostly insists on being sat on toilet.

I can't think of anything else. Does sound a bit like they are expecting to much of your child to me!

Do your DC's dress themselves? She can get a top, a vest, and trousers from her drawer. Can take everything off, needs help with trousers and often puts tops on backwards. Coat can put on but often upside down with hood flapping by her bottom

Do Your DC's feed themselves? Yes, uses fork, spoon, and knife(badly)

What kind of cup do your DC's drink from? Open beaker or sippy cup. Depends on mood

What other self-care tasks can your DC's preform, teeth cleaning, putting on shoes etc.
Can put on velcro shoes and wellies, often on wrong feet though. Attempts to clean teeth. Sort of brushes her hair.

At our pre-school, the children line up by the coats and staff help all of them (up to the age of 4) to put them on. I wouldn't worry about that side of things, I think they just want to get them into the right place, where they can help them. Unless yours is a very ADVANCED pre-school!

My 2.2 year old DS cannot dress himself at all - I don't give him the opportunity TBH as have to get 3 of them out of the house in the morning. He can feed himself cut up food with a fork or spoon. He drinks from open plastic cups unless we are in a carpeted room - we have spillages most days!

Apart from that, I do tend to do most things for him, purely because it is quicker and more reliable. He would have a go a doing his teeth, but would need fillings within a month!

As someone else said, let him practise something small every day and he will soon get the hang of it - am going to take that advice myself, as still do far too much for all my boys.

Thanks everyone.

I suppose I should add that my DS cant do any of the things I mentioned, and I dont really know how to teach him

He drinks out of a basic Tommy Tippee beaker as he cant work anything where he has to suck too hard.

DD is exactly 2.5 too and I think has learnt most self care things from doing things with me and mirroring. So we put our socks on together, knickers together, brush our teeth together etc with lots of chat about what we're doing.

She has always fed herself, never did spoon feeding, dresses herself, brushes her teeth, takes herself to the toilet, wipes, flushes, washes hands afterwards, drinks out of a normal cup, washes in the bath, makes basic sandwiches, chops fruit/veg (with a plastic knife), tidies up etc. She can also hang the washing out on her own! Basically I'm training her up so that I don't have to do anything. She made porridge this morning under very strict supervision. Next task is bringing it to me in bed.

Try not to worry Mario. IME, the transition between 2.5 and 3 is massive in terms of what they can't do at 2.5 but are able to do by 3. DS1 is just over 2.5 and can dress himself, but his little friend of exactly the same age can't even take his trousers off. His friend can however talk a lot better than my DS so as with most things it's different for everyone.

It's natural to compare your children with others of the same age but there's no such thing as an average child, and by the time your DS is 3 I'm sure you'll be amazed at how much he can do (esp as he's at pre-school where he'll see other children doing things and learn from them).

BTW my DS1 wouldn't have a clue how to put his coat on either!

DS3 is 2.4

He can put his own nappy, trousers, socks and shoes on. Can't do jackets/tops

es he feeds himself (but not using a knife)

Usually one of those soft spout things (next stage up from a teat) but can drink from a normal cup.

HOWEVER - it should be noted he's a 3rd child and I think that can make a huge difference (especially with boys).

DS1 couldn't do any of the above stuff at 2.5, and DS2 could do the basic dressing and that was it.

Most of the children I saw when I dropped both DS1 and 2 at nursery aged 4 couldn't really manage their own coats/shoes well either.

my dd 2.5 sounds the same stage as ghostwriter. she's been very eager about being independent from about 20 months. she can also hold a pen correctly and draw people, and writes (almost legibly) the letters of her name.

i work in a school nursery and IME, you can get children starting (having just turned 3)who:
dont know anything about counting,
dont know which way round to hold a book,
doesnt understand what the word colour means (let alone any colour names),
stands up and says 'doing wee-wee' while watching it run down their legs...

we also get ones who can write their name,
count up to 20, can recognise letters and numbers, can dress themselves, fasten buttons & zips etc.

so you see, the differences can be massive but it doesnt mean theres a problem... by the time they start school, the nursery teacher will have addressed the key areas that each child needed to work on, and the differences between children get smaller as they get older.

putting a coat on at age 2.5 isn't IME 'average', theyre usually a bit older than this.

whilst it is important not to babify our children, it is also unnecessary to push them to do the 'next big thing' when theyre still so little.

dont worry!

Marioandluigi,

You say your DS has ASD. If he is not understanding the question, it will be diffcult for him to perform the command .

Can you 'model' the action for him? Talk him through the action everytime you do it or he tries to do it. For example 'Mummy is putting her coat on now' etc.

Most NT 2.5 year olds can't dress independantly. It's really hard not to compare (DS2 has speech issues and I used to compare A LOT - not anymore . However, the more you verbalise and 'model' the command, he will understand in time.

DD is 2.6 and can feed herself and drink from an ordinary cup, but no way can she dress herself. She can put her shoes on, but that's it at the moment.

The other thing is that while she puts on her shoes by herself at home, when I pick her up from preschool she often likes me to take off her slippers and put on her shoes for her.

My 2.7 dd does not dress herself and does not even try, she drinks from a normal cup, and does feed herself especially if its something she likes, if its not i have to feed it to her as she is a skinny little thing and i am afraid she will waste away. She is not potty trained as yet, she is just not ready but will force her out of nappies when she goes to full time nursery if she hasent already. She does not speak that much but understands a great deal. She is quite fiesty and likes her own way.

I agree with your rachy, i think the problem is when you as a parent start comparing your dc to other children and find all the things they cant do like i am doing at the moment. Iknow that my dd is totally fine and will do those things eventually. Children are so different and to compare each and every child with your own will just leave you feeling down. Just concentrate on what they can do and build on that. I think that there is this push to have them toilet trained, talking fluently, and dressing themselves being all singing and dancing when they are still really young and need time to develop these things.

my dd 2.5 can put on clothes except bizarrely pants which she needs help with
8/9 times can do shoes on the right feet

she feeds herself all the basics neatly but obv not cutting things up
china cup my insane no child friend bought
can and wants to clean teeth but I do it too
brushes own hair
pretends to read books and recites the story out
uses dvd player
is potty trained day and night
asks to go for sleep, walk knows all the sequences for everything including how to drive to nursery

my family put this down to her being forced to do these things for herself to survive...
my younger dd is a complete sausage and is miles behind everyone else so I have no answers but hope this helps

It is so conflicting, this comparing because in one way it is helpful to have markers as to what is 'standard' but in another, all we actually can do is accept our children for what they are at any given moment!

I would say personally I wouldn't compare with those who have daughters because IME it holds true that girls are more physically mature; also again, IME they are often more motivated to take charge of things like dressing etc where boys can be more laissez faire and happy for mum to help

Generalisations I know but this is in my experience

I don't think you should pressure yourself to teach him much; present him with the opportunities eg different cup, encouragement to try new skills but you really shouldn't push it imo. If you keep on presenting him with the opportunities, he will take them when he's ready - and not before!

My DS is 2.8. I would say he is doing well, developmentally and has no noticeable concerns IMO. However...

Do your DC's dress themselves? - No. He puts on hats if he finds them and that's about it. He isn't even that cooperative while I dress him! He can sort of manage to pull his pants up and down while using the potty.

Do Your DC's feed themselves?

Yes. We did BLW so he's been pretty independent from the start. However, while he eats he does silly things like pour his drink onto his food or drop his food into his drink . I think he's (from what I can tell) pretending to be cooking.

What kind of cup do your DC's drink from?

We have started on open cups for the last few months. However, because of above messing, sometimes I do give him a lidded one with spout (no valve though).

What other self-care tasks can your DC's preform, teeth cleaning, putting on shoes etc.

He can't get his shoes on as they are too fiddly, but he does put his wellies on. He lets us clean his teeth (after threats). He does try to clean his own teeth but mostly just to eat the toothpaste. He has recently (along with potty training) learned to wash his hands although he is a bit poor at it.