what to do with a free spirit who WILL NOT even try on school uniform

[jamsandwich]

Help, help, HELP!
PFB dd, turns 4 on 31st August, then starts school a few days later. Quite reasonably thinks school uniform is awful (bottle green and grey, why oh why?!) I bought it all nice and early as she has always had strong views on clothing and needs a looooong time to come round to new things. But we have made absolutely zilcho progress. To the extent of not even trying things on, so who knows if they even fit.

She has anxieties anyway about school, so I can just see that we will have the most almighty row on the first day about what she will wear, which will make everything even more difficult.

So, questions for the school old-timers:

1. how pragmatic are schools about dresss code for first few weeks (surely some stripey pink socks wouldn't make her fail her GCSE's later on down the line?)

2. and what top tips do you have for trying to overcome this little hitch?

My ideas so far are: sewing on some pretty buttons or beads - not found any that make the grade yet, apparently, but still feeling hopeful/ Dragging her round to see some poor friend wearing her uniform before term starts - not holding out much hope as she won't ever wear trousers, short sleeves or skirts despite having seen endless friends wearing them/ running away and leaving dh to deal with it...

thanks for any helpful thoughts/ similar expereinces (I can't be the only one?!)

Thats great Jam

Yep got uniform anxieties here too with DS...tried on his trousers and polo shirt but is scared stiff of the royal blue sweatshirt..... Going to have to take that one step at a time I think.

He has mild ASD by the way before I get slated for being too pansy!!

Am wondering if there is something I could sew on the inside of his sweatshirt to make it more 'special', bit like your DD's button........any brainwaves anyone??

is the sweatshirt the 'jumper' as I would call it ? ds1 never came to terms with his and so never wears it - problem solved

Yes it is . Yep he could get away with not wearing it but he's going to get a bit nippy in the colder months thats all....

nah - he'll be fine. schools are boiling hot all year round - just get him a super strength coat for winter - he might decide he likes his jumper then

Jam - had a bit of this pre-school, but once she was at school found that (a) she got quite "in" to it all and found ways of sort of customising it for herself and (b) other parents were "interpreting" rather than slavishly following the uniform too. So it wasn't too stressful in the end, for us at least.

btw she keeps all her more uniformish clothes in a separate drawer under her bed and she chooses what she wants from there. I did also go for a school with a not-too-strict policy (haven't found one totally without in our area) - I know a friend of mine is worried about her dd who refuses point blank to wear a skirt, but the school they've chosen doesn't let girls wear trousers (and yet isn't in the 1950s!). Her dd also has anxiety and speech problems.

Barmymummy - would a badge be permissable? I suppose it depends how picky the school is, but I bet he could have a few special designs so he could enjoy choosing a different one each day.

Just thought; are badges still OK for kids?! I used to have loads but that was the 70s and thinking about it, I just don't see them in shops.

Jam, well done, it sounds as though you are getting there.

Sorry if this has already been suggested (didn't manage to read all of the middle pages of the thread - cardinal sin but my bed is calling me!). Has your dd ever had occupational therapy for her sensory issues? 'Sensory Integration' can work wonders with these sorts of issues.

Good luck tomorrow. Hope it goes well and your dd has a good first day.

Thanks DesperateHousewifeToo, good suggestion.

I reckon it doesn't impinge on her daily life too much, so have tended to find ways around her sensitivities rather than seek direct treatment, but maybe it is something we should consider for the future (my big focus is on the SM, as that has massive impact, but I'm sure they're connected).

Anyway, the big news is that the earth moved and the uniform was worn. Largely, anyway - very much non-regulation socks/ jewellery/ hair adornments plus soft toys in abundance, but I figured that no one would complain if they bothered to find out the stress and work we (I'm including all my MN supporters!) have put into this.

When we attempted our failed trying on session last week, she did sincerely promise that she would still wear her uniform on school days. And I, I'm ashamed to admit, scoffed internally - 4 year olds are not renowned for their promise-keeping abilities after all. So we got up in darkness, stayed calm, gave ourselves 50 minutes for the anticipated battle. And she very sweetly put everything on in 5 minutes. She did complain about the scratchy top, so we undid buttons and she tried but couldn't manage the sweatshirt, but end result was one totally very convincing schoolgirl.

The princess pants were a major factor. Thanks so much for that idea. She had her other 6 pairs handy in her Snow White handbag!

That sounds great. I bet you were very proud of her

re: ot. There are often long waiting lists for it so best to look into it sooner rather than later if that is the route you decide to persue.

Perhaps if the anxiety caused by all sensory stimuli can be reduced, her overall confidence can improve, which in turn might improve her selective mutism.

Good luck. Hope she enjoys school

Well done - is she enjoying school?

Just a thought re polo shirts - is it the seams or the whole thing? Only I think for the sake of a child's comfort and stress levels I would be prepared to hemstitch (matching) satin ribbon over the insides of seams to stop them scratching, as well as removing labels.