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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Car seats - the great escape

37 replies

jellyrolly · 03/08/2009 23:00

Has anyone had this experience and how did you resolve it?

My ds2 will be 2 in September and can get out of his car seat. This only happens when he's having a tantrum but he can pull the straps out of their slots and also wriggle out of the straps arms first. Today we were driving along at 50mph, nowhere or way to pull over and he climbed out 4 times, once got as far as the front and was screaming and clambering on to me. I was shaking when we finally got home!

Wondering if anyone knows of a seat that is harder to get out of? I'm going to tell him we just can't go anywhere at all but still what if we need to go to docs or something urgent.

OP posts:

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thisisyesterday · 03/08/2009 23:01

maybe go into mothercare or somewhere and try some out?

Original poster

jellyrolly · 03/08/2009 23:19

Can you do that? I'm imagining the seats being covered in food and ripped whilst I try and provoke a tantrum to really test them!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 03/08/2009 23:20

lol, yeh just say you're thinkikng of getting q new one as he can get out and they will let you try them

you could just say to him "i bet you cna't get out of this one" and then he'lll hae to try! lol

Original poster

jellyrolly · 03/08/2009 23:25

Think I'll try that tomorrow, fingers crossed for the drive there

OP posts:

nannyL · 04/08/2009 09:50

my charge did that when he was just 2 years...

i screamed at him right in his face.... I really frightened him.... and he never did it again
in fact for about the next month whenever we got in the car he would tell me he was going to keep his arms in.

Original poster

jellyrolly · 04/08/2009 10:17

Sadly my shouting has no effect in the face of a tantrum. I even calmly said "if you don't sit in your seat you will die, do you want to die?"

OP posts:

nannyL · 04/08/2009 10:50

but 2 year olds dont understand the concept of death....

i had the most tantrumy stubborn toddler i have ever met and it did work for him (luckily).... he could be screaming on the step for 4 hours, and was once put back over 100 times!
he is now a lovely 4 year old though

it probably worked though as he has never seen me even nearly so cross (and never has since) I TERRIFIED him, and he was sobbing afterwards (from being i scared i think rather than tantrum) for a good 15 mins but he didnt do it again

nannyL · 04/08/2009 10:52

just had a thought.... do you have reins? (that he cant undo?)

could you put them on (back to front so clip at front) then strap him into car seat then clip reins over the straps?

I appreciated it is not advised to do things like this incase you crash into a river or something, but i think in this instance its prefereable to climbing on a driver travelling 50mph!

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 10:59

Same problem here with my 18 month old, although I've been told it's my inadequate parenting behind the fact that she takes no notice and is too young to reason with so it is good to know I'm not the only one with a houdini toddler...

Original poster

jellyrolly · 04/08/2009 13:09

I like the idea of the reins, at least it would buy me some time to find a laybye. Plus he hates hates hates reins (no surprise there) so it would be an incentive to stay in if he was allowed the reins off.

It's not our inadequate parenting Eyeballs, it's inadequate pansy car seats!

OP posts:

usernametaken · 04/08/2009 15:09

I would double check the height of the straps on his shoulders. If they are two low then he can slip them off his shoulders and escape, the same for if they are too high.

DD climbed out once, like NannyL I literally ranted and roared at her...and by roar I mean like a pride of male lions. Scared her (and passers by) silly, but she hasn't tried since...my voice has never been the same either!

GruffaloMama · 04/08/2009 15:34

a friend of mine has one of these Kiddy Infinity Pro

It doesn't have a harness - the seatbelt goes through the front bit and 'pins' the child to the seat. It looked really comfy and it scores highest on the Which safety check things.

You'd have to be sure though that your DS couldn't get to the main seatbelt buckle in it. I was going to get one but dodgy shoulder has meant it wouldn't work for me (too much stretching over DS to do the belt every time).

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 16:11

Someone mentioned those before but, to me, it looks like it would be even easier for dd to get out of? It obviously isn't...

Original poster

jellyrolly · 04/08/2009 16:24

Yes worth checking the straps again although I recently adjusted them as he has got taller and they seem right.

I will have a look at one of the Kiddy Infinity Pro, they look really comfy. Not sure he wouldn't just squeeze out of it but then he does that on all the others anyway!

(Ouch, dodgy shoulder + child sounds painful)

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 18:20

nannyL i am quite shocked that you have admitted (with a smile!) to screaming in a child's face and scaring him so much he cried for 15 minutes.

letting a child cry for 4 hours whilst repeatedly putting him back on a naughty step

and advising people to do really dangerous thigns like rein a baby into their car seat!

am stunend!

glad you aren't my nanny

nannyL · 04/08/2009 18:29

im not bothered

He needed scaring.... climbing out of your car seat while im driving on the motorway is dangerouse and needs to not happen EVER again.
I told his parents, and they were fine with it. Still am.

he wasnt crying, he was having a tantrum, there is a HUGE difference.

I did say it was not recommended as it isnt... personally id do that where the alternative is a toddler climbing loose in the car on the driver when driving. (though i never did that, cause once id scared him he never got out again )

nannyL · 04/08/2009 18:30

just to add i was smiling because he never got out of his seat again

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 18:31

ohhh, well that makes it ok then

nannyL · 04/08/2009 18:34

i am happy that he never got out his seat again, yes

CAUSE HAVING A 2 YEAR OLD THAT ISNT YOURS LOOSE IN THE CAR WHILE DRIVING AT 70MPH ON A MOTORWAY IS PRETTY SCAREY

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 18:38

i'm sure it is. but screaming in a child's face???? sorry, not on.
i'd have pulled over and re-strapped him

danthe4th · 04/08/2009 18:39

You stop the car,you refuse to move or speak until he is in his seat.You sit staring calmly at your lap. He will be that amazed that youre not shouting he will calm down. You can then hug and calmly put him in his seat. Heaps of praise for lots of short journeys that you can do to reinforce the good behaviour. If he kicks off you repeat and drive home. Good luck. If it does become dangerous perhaps you could disable the front airbag,put the seat right back and put him in the front so he can see more. You could also try stories on the cd player.

nannyL · 04/08/2009 18:44

....yes... and then he would have got out again... and at that point you could be in a crash and he would almost certainly be DEAD.... and i would probably go to jail.

Not to mention the fact that pulling over on a motorway and getting out is EXTREAMLY dangerouse. (we were near an exit so i pulled off the next slip road which just happened to be very soon)

Most things arnt that much of a big deal, but sorry, IMO being unrestained on a motorway is a HUGE deal, and in a completely different league to any other 2 year old bad behaviour....

As i said i told his parents EXACTLY what i did, a(nd they prefered the option of an alive child to a dead one too) and did NOT have a problem with it.... and yes i told them exactly how i scared him, and shouted at him like he has never seen before (or since) and that he then cried for the rest of the journey, and they still had no problem at all with it.

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 18:58

NannyL, this is what people don't seem to understand when I've asked about this before, is that some of the time it's impossible to pull over. I have had to completely curtail my journeys for the time being as you cannot just pull onto the hard shoulder on the M25 when you feel like it. They seem to think, as you say, that having the child bouncing around on the seat until you can pull over is acceptable, which of course it isn't.

My dd is 18 months old; shouting, cajoling, pleading, bribing, none of them work if she s not in a mood to listen and doesn't want her arms under the straps. There was a thread about this last week when I was all but accused of being a useless mother because my 18 month old doesn't always take notice of what I say.

If you were looking after my child and she was getting out of her straps then I would be delighted if you yelled at her to the point of her staying put if it got her to stay strapped in. Safety is the number one consideration. Everything else is secondary.

nannyL · 04/08/2009 19:04

thank you

with 2 year old most things arnt that big a deal in the scheme of life...
BUT getting out of their car seat while on the motorway most certainly is!!!

thats how my bosses felt too... he had done it to them twice, (and they had warned be)... BUT he never did it again and i wasnt involved in a fatal car crash as a result of having a 2 year old climb on me again...
which IMO is a good result (and, just to clarify, i mean not having a fatal car crash is a good result)

Umlellala · 04/08/2009 19:12

Ok, I am a little at needing to put a crying child back on a naughty step over 100 times (we don't even have a naughty step, that's how liberal I am) but even I agree that on that occasion I would have done the roar to get them to stop escaping too.

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