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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Car seats - the great escape

37 replies

jellyrolly · 03/08/2009 23:00

Has anyone had this experience and how did you resolve it?

My ds2 will be 2 in September and can get out of his car seat. This only happens when he's having a tantrum but he can pull the straps out of their slots and also wriggle out of the straps arms first. Today we were driving along at 50mph, nowhere or way to pull over and he climbed out 4 times, once got as far as the front and was screaming and clambering on to me. I was shaking when we finally got home!

Wondering if anyone knows of a seat that is harder to get out of? I'm going to tell him we just can't go anywhere at all but still what if we need to go to docs or something urgent.

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thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 19:20

of course you can pull over on the motorway hard shoulder if your child gets out of his straps. that's an emergency and I would do it.
i would never scream in a child's face. and i certainly wouldn't gloat about it afterwards.

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 19:26

So you're driving along on the outside lane, doing 70, traffic all around you, and you glance in the mirror to see that dc is waving their arms around. You're going to skid across at least two lanes and come to a dead stop on the hard shoulder are you? That's asking for that accident. My instinct would be to yell as loudly and forcefully as I could. This is why motorways are out until we solve this.

Utter nonsense.

nannyL · 04/08/2009 19:30

and you might also be killed as you get out on the hard shoulder..

at no point have i said he was crying ... he wasnt... he was screaming in a "aghhhh" "nooo" im am cross and frustrated and not getting my own way type noise.... NOT crying / unhappy but annoyed / angry

and he had to be put back because if i say sit there, and i dont follow it through he has the upper hand, and then he thinks he really is boss... and then life gets even more difficult

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 19:34

but nannyl... you said you screamed in his face. and your posts imply that you pulled over and THEN screamed.

i can (almost) understand screaming as they did it and you're driving along. but cannot understand at all stopping and then purposely screaming in a child's face

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 19:34

I think you're wasting your time Some people obviously have lentil waving paragons of virtue sitting in their car seats. The hard shoulder is one of the most dangerous parts of the motorway and not to be used lightly. You do whatever you can to get them to stay still and if that involves yelling and screaming then so be it. Happy clappy hands off parenting is fine for non life threatening situations.

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 19:35

and if i was driving along the motorway and saw that my child had got out of his straps then yes, i would pull onto the hard sho9ulder and put him back in.,

if the next exit was 10 miles on what would you do? just shout and shout and hope he got back in and strapped himself in by himself?

now that is utter nonsense

nannyL · 04/08/2009 19:37

yes i did stop,(pull off at next exit as it was just there) and scream in his face...

"You will NOT get out you wil stay in it makes me very very cross"...

and he never did it again... and i never had to stop , and risk my life while being a pedestrian on a motorway because he hasnt realised how seriouse it was....

EyeballsintheSky · 04/08/2009 19:38

Now you're not reading the posts are you? I am not using motorways until she grows out of this because I am not using the hard shoulder as a parking space while I nicely ask her to put her arms back. You do what you need to do but you don't rely on a very dangerous part of a motorway as a back up.

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2009 19:42

i am reading them fine, it was a hypothetical question.
if you did happen to be on the motorway, as nannyl found herself and it was the firstt ime a child had done it to you what would you do if the nearest exit was a considerable deistance away.

because i thin i would risk the hard shoulder over having a 2 yr old loose in the back while i try and drive whilst screaming at him.
hard shoulder may be risky, but i think driving with a loose child is riskier

lucky for nannyl the next exit was close, i still don't agree with pulling over and screaming in a child's face. sorry.

in that situation i would have strapped him in and then explained to the parents that I wasn't happy driving on the motorway untilhe had stopped doing it/got a carseat that prevented it.
there is no reason to use fear to make a chilod do what you want. the ends do not always justify the means IMO.

eyeballs.. if you think it's such a great idea then why don't you try it??

nannyL · 04/08/2009 20:24

my last post on this thread.... i was NOT driving while screaming at him!

also could not really just explain to parents either... as we where on our way someway, and i had to use the motorway to return home, and had no desire for him to do it then either...

and yes that night i did say to the parents that evening that i would not be driving him while he did it, and also that i think i had solved it and how / what i did exactly, no grim details spared...
and his parents were fine with it (they know their child and his temprement too)... so we are all happy

the ends do not justify the means... well i would rather a child who was scared of getting out of his car seat, then a child who was dead, but thats just my opinion

usernametaken · 04/08/2009 21:42

I never ever shout except in times of absolute danger, you need to make them realise that what they have done is wrong/dangerous/not to be done ever again.

I use positive reinforcement 99% of the time, but in a life threatening situation then a "well done darling, you were sitting so nicely until 2 seconds ago" doesn't quite hit the mark.

I had a friend that would turn the car round and head home if her DC escaped from the seat, therefore stopping him from going to where ever- well that failed everytime she tried to go to Sainsburys or took him to Nursery. He'd just escape to avoid a trip to the supermarket!

A short sharp shock in times of danger is better than an accident.

Original poster

jellyrolly · 05/08/2009 22:13

Eyeballs I hope you get to go back on motorways soon. I think you and I have similar dcs and that is reassuring at least.

nannyL I think you were right to do what you did. It was effective for that child and ensured safety. That's not "using fear to make a child do what you want" thisisyesterday, it's like saying yanking a child out of the path of a car is "using brute force to make a child do what you want", you need to appreciate the context. If it would work with mine then I would do it too to ensure his safety. You can't just pull over and strap them in, that's the point. My ds is out of the straps again before I've even got my seatbelt back on. And if there was a car seat that prevented it, we'd all have them.

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