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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm quite concerned that my daughter is still soiling herself and is due to start school in september.

29 replies

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 20:02

Hi, my daughter is due to start school in September when she'll be 4 and a half.
She has a severe speech disorder and is being assessed by the paed, SALT, physio and educational psycologyst. We don't know yet if it's just her speech and processing or weather she has learning dificulties.
I'm just so worried that she is soiling herself up to 7 times a day, she isn't constipated the paed said as she felt her tummy. She thinks it's part of the bigger picture.
I know that children can be cruel and if they know she's pooing herself at school, she'll probubly be teased forever more as the girl who poos her knickers.
Also, I don't think her teacher will be too happy.
I'm concidering keeping her at home and home educating her untill her soiling is under control. I know this sounds extreme, but I was badly bullied at school and just want to protect her.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 06/06/2009 20:06

Have you thought about looking at schools in the wider area that have cluster classes/departments that specifically cater for speech & language and/or other SEN needs. It does sound like she would benefit from being statemented so you could go down that route if you wished.

In the area where I live several mainstream schools have a class of children with similar SEN so they get specialist help & support whilst being part of a mainstream school.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 20:10

This school has an assessment centre for special educational needs, as well as a SENCO and a speech therapist.
She will be with all the other children in the class, I'm just worried what they'll make of it.
It will be a good school for her, but perhaps not too soon?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 06/06/2009 20:12

Speak to the school about it and ask how they will handle it etc.

It does sound like the best school for your dd. Many reception children have accidents and IME as a Mum my dc have never commented on it, so it's not seen as a big deal IYSWIM

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 20:15

Yes, I'll speek to the school about it. It also dosn't help that she is so tall for her age.

OP posts:

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 20:21

I'm holding back my son by one year. He has a dx of mild autism, mild (imo) dyspraxia and a severe speech delay. But he doesn't have an intellectual handicap so he's definitely going to go to mainstream school.

Do you have the choice to hold her back?, I know it's different in the UK, I'm in Ireland where I'm being encouraged to send him at nearly 6 instead of nearly 5. Not just by the SALT and ed psyche who diagnosed him but by my SENO, the principle and the lady who will be his junior infant teacher.

I'm sure if you could give your daughter the advantage of one extra year she would be fine. My son won't be ready for school in september.

Rebecca41 · 06/06/2009 20:21

My son is due to start school in Sept, and I'm planning to defer his entry. My reason is different - his 4th birthday is just a week before term starts, and I think he'll be too young. I've looked into it, and I can legally defer his school entry for a term, so he'll be going in January instead. Maybe this would be worth considering for you. After all, children in UK already start school much younger than rest of Europe. I have no concerns about him catching up - it's only Reception after all, not A levels!

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 20:23

Can you only defer his entry by a term rebecca? You can't defer it by a year?
Just wondering how much is the parents' choice and how much is the local authority's choice.

Rebecca41 · 06/06/2009 20:24

Just to add - you can defer for a whole year, but they then go straight into Year 1, missing Reception completely. Exceptions can be made for special needs if that is confirmed.

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 20:24

Ed psych and Principal I mean.

Littlefish · 06/06/2009 20:27

Yes MaggieBee, you can. Basically, you accept the place at school and you can then defer by one or two terms. As long as your child starts school by the beginning of the summer term, the school has to hold the place for you in Reception. As Rebecca says, if you defer the whole year, they go straight into Year 1 and the school is under no obligation to hold a place for you, so you just have to take a chance that there will be an empty space at the end of the Reception year.

Rebecca41 · 06/06/2009 20:28

Posts crossed! I'm not sure if the rules in all education authorities are the same, but that's the rule for my area (Leicestershire) unfortunately. I've written numerous letters but got nowhere. My argument was that my DS was a month prem, so should technically have been in the following school year, but they weren't having it. Very annoying.

CarGirl · 06/06/2009 20:31

Rebecca I know a pre-school manager who is taking on Surrey LEA over the same issue. I think there is something in the childrens Act 2004 (I think) which means these LEAs that refuse to have dc out of year are treading on thing ground. I shall try and remember to ask her how it's going. her dh is unwell at the moment so may not be able to ask her about it quickly.

Rebecca41 · 06/06/2009 20:31

Littlefish I'm interested in what you've said, because I've been told categorically that I can only defer by one term, not two. Not only by the school, but by the ed authority too.

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 20:33

oh right, so you can defer starting, but you can't be 'the wrong age'.

It makes me relieved we are in Ireland as my son will be fine at nearly 6 I know he will! But the year he was supposed to go into, not only does he have global developmental delays, but his class was going to be full of children who only just missed the cut off for the year before, so they were all about 9 months older than him! AND girls!! I just couldnt' send him in like a lamb with those 3 disadvantages.

The local authorities need to rethink that issue! what is the point of SENOs and special needs assistants and remedial teachers etc if they don't treat children as individuals. Not all children are ready for the level playing feild at four.

What you say about other european countries starting school later is true. I think in the uk if your child turns four on 31 st august they can start school the next day! Where I am, the cut off is may or june. It depends, so children are usually at least four and a couple of months when they start.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 20:38

This school have aso said I can defere by one term too. I'd like her to start in year 1 but then I might have to take what everschool has a place. The schools in our area all seem good, so I'm not too worried.

OP posts:

Millarkie · 06/06/2009 20:47

My dd soils herself - she has no control over her bowel due to a malformed colon (and I would recommend you get your daughter seen by a paediatric gastroenterologist rather then a general paediatrician to get x-rays and blood tests done). She is 5 and goes to a normal primary school. She has had many soiling incidents at school (at least 1 a day) and has never been teased by other children, and still has plenty of friends. She has had some nasty incidents with teaching assistant staff though (with them telling her off for soiling and calling her a baby) but these have stopped since I complained to the head.
Most reception age children are kind to children with problems if the teachers handle it sensitively.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 21:04

Thanks Millarkie. I think her teachers will be o.k as it is an enclusive school.
It's good to know that the children don't take much notice.

OP posts:

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 21:12

Could you send her in in a pull up? But give her a reward everytime she doesn't dirty it.

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 21:12

Could you send her in in a pull up? But give her a reward everytime she doesn't dirty it.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 21:15

I'm sure legally, they have to hold a place at the school up to the term after they turn 5. This would be the summer term starting in April?
This would be a lot better I think, she'd have one term in reception, then go in to year 1.
It'd give us more time to find out exactly what her difficulties are and give her as much help as possible.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 06/06/2009 21:18

I could but I do this when we go to someones house or a party or something, but she'll wee in it too.
She's getting quite good at weeing in the toilet, but if she has a pull-up on she won't bother.

OP posts:

MaggieBee · 06/06/2009 22:44

Put the pull up on over her knickers?

Littlefish · 07/06/2009 08:47

Rebecca - it was a friend in Worcestershire who deferred by 2 terms. Her dd was summer born. It may vary by LA possibly?

bigchris · 07/06/2009 08:54

I'm nt sure how a pull up at school will help, someone will still have to change her?

I'm so sorry to hear your going through this OP, what has your gp suggested or is it just a case of waiting for an official diagnosis?

(incidentally does anyone know if reception teachers and teaching assistants have to clean up soiled children, is it put in their job description? obviously I know that they do clean them up but I just wondered what the official line on it is if there are any primary sch teachers on thsi thread)

crokky · 07/06/2009 09:15

mummyloveslucy - I think with this sort of thing, the actual staff can make a huge difference to the way your child will be treated and I would suggest you talk to the headmistress and the teacher to see if you think they would help your DD.

It's a different situation, but my DS is 3 and has just started at the nursery of a school. He is one of the youngest as the nursery takes kids from 3 until they go to reception. When my DS started, his speech was a year behind where it should have been and I was extremely worried about him going into a class, especially one containing older children and girls (who are usually even more advanced). One place refused to take him because saying "we cannot help him" but the school he is now at are extremely sensitive to his needs. They have given him special attention and been very kind to him and this makes such a massive difference. The school that wouldn't take my DS suggested that if they did take him, they would exclude him from an assemblies, exclude him from lunch and exclude him from outdoor walks - this is not the way forward IMO - the school that took him include him in all their activities - usually the teacher holds his hand etc. None of the other children have ever been nasty to him either - the teachers would put a stop to this if it happened.

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