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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Enough...ds3 23m worried he will hurt himself with tantruming.

39 replies

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 11:59

Typing this in tears, as im just exhausted and had enough of ds3 he's two next month and im sick of the high pitched screaming, but worse of all the throwing himself around. i just left nursery fete as he was going mental literally threw himself onto concrete, i rushed home with him kicking and screaming so much thought he would damage himself or the pushchair. poor ds2 in tears as he's had to leave all his friends.

ds3 was biting me kicking and screaming i have never experienced this before with my first two boys its horrific and im exhausted im starting to dread taking him out. he's in his cot now as i need a break and thought this was the safest place.

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nannyL · 06/06/2009 12:13

personally i wouldnt worry...

if he is going to hurt himself behaving like that then it might teach him a lesson!

agree put him in cot and let him scream him out.... in a few mins you can go up and give him the big cuddle he needs, but while they are going mad there is not a lot you can do.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 12:16

i can cope with this behaviour indoors, but when we are out it is awful, the noise the stares i am quite a strong person but this is really getting me down, we have to do things in a certain way, walk to avoid places not let him see ds2 walking in front silly things that we do to avoid a screaming fit. i have really had enough now.

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handbagqueen · 06/06/2009 12:17

I'm interested in any advice, as my DD2 is 2 in a few weeks and has horrific tantrums - DD1 never had any tantrums so I've no idea how to deal with them. I resort to putting her on the floor or in her cot until she stops screaming and kicking.

NormaSknockers · 06/06/2009 12:48

You did the best thing by putting him in cot & walking away as you both need space from each other to calm down.

Let him scream it out as nanny said.

The best I find to deal with it when in the house is to put DD on her big beanbag or in her room - she throws a wobbler & I just leave her to it. She gets it out of her system, calms down & then we have a big cuddle & all is forgotten.

When we're out I do much the same re leaving her to it. I just lift her off the bike & let her throw her strop completely ignoring her til she stops. You get funny looks & lots of tutting but I don't let it bother me, we were all toddlers once!

Sycamoretreeisvile · 06/06/2009 13:09

Oh Nicola your post really broke my heart. DS is 21 months and really capable of such madness when he's in a fit. I also never saw anything of the like with DD so it can be quite shocking and very, very distressing and upsetting. DS will throw himself to the ground, he'll climb to ridiculous heights and can scream/whinge/thrash/arch back for England.

I don't have any great tips for when you're out and about as that's just the pits isn't it but I have a few tactics for when we're home. None of which, I'm sure would win me mother of the year.

Give him his juice cup - sometimes he will drink and the sucking will calm him down.

Give him a few raisins - this is sometimes enough to distract him for a moment.

When the above two fail (as they often if not always do) I take him upstairs to our bedroom and put his favourite tv programme on (we have sky plus so this is easier but a dvd of his favourite programme?)

Away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the house, in my or DH's arms and with Timmy Time or Postman Pat on the TV, he can calm down really rapidly.

If you really can't leave others unattended then yes, the cot is safest and best place.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 13:35

he's just woken now exactly the same, offered him food which he has thrown everywhere, screaming and kicking and head banging, i think ds2 gets upset seeing his brother like this, i can't physically restrain him as he is biting and kicking and slapping me or should i just put up with this. ds3 can't speak which is i know a huge part of his frustration we are waiting referral to ENT next month.

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FlyMeToDunoon · 06/06/2009 13:38

oh dear Nicola it sounds like your having a crap time.
Can't add much advice but have an MN back slap [clears throat]
There! All better?

Or a big

Luckily [touch wood] DD3 only has minor tantrums but I just strap her into her pushchair and try and ignore it. Sing Lalalalalalal in my head and chat to other DDs

Hope you can clear yourself some head space and DS is calmer now. Maybe he is really tired from being up in the night.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 13:42

ds2 was up in the night, ds3 slept through it! he's having his favourite food now...beans on toast with grated cheese, he's quiet.

thank you those who have read and replied it really helps to know im not alone

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barnsleybelle · 06/06/2009 13:47

My 21 month old does something very similar. It's so upsetting, and i too find it a shock as my 1st never did this.

I've started to keep a diary of when it happens and how long for etc. I've found that it's always when she's tired or totally over stimulated. I've cut out a couple of toddler groups and am trying to fit in chilling time, when we just sit on the couch and listen to some quiet music. I've found since doing this they are becoming much less frequent.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 13:53

thats interesting i think i need to do this too. i think ds3's are definitely more likely to be caused by something going on than anything he's eaten/drunk for example.

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barnsleybelle · 06/06/2009 13:58

I only have 2 dc's and when i think about it dd gets dragged along all over the place with ds and his long list of activities! Because of this and fitting in school runs i've found her daytime sleep is a bit erratic, some days plenty, some none. By keeping the diary i could see that the worst tantrums came after a number of busy days etc.
Some babies can cope and obviously some can't (mine being one of them). I would imagine having 2 others you are very busy!! It's easy to forget the poor youngest one just can't keep up with it and the only way to let us know is by going into complete meltdown!!!

Try the diary, list the things you have done, the sleep dc3 has had and see if you can see a pattern.

bondgirl77 · 06/06/2009 14:10

Nicola I just logged on here to post practically the same post about my DS (19 months) am totally shattered and FED UP of dealing with the tantrums, starting at the beginning of the day my DS had one this morning about getting out of his cot!! And the day has continued in a similar way, am quite grateful now he is asleep for his afternoon nap, even getting put down for that caused a minor tantrum. I have just read the 'Toddler' section on the main bit of the website it might help you to do it maybe? It advises to totally ignore the bad behaviour and give loads of praise for the good behaviour which I have realised I don't do enough. I am constantly telling my DS not to touch, or 'no' so much so that he points to lots of things now and just says 'no no' because he knows he is not supposed to touch them or go there (these are for good reason though like plug sockets, I have guards in them but don't want him to get into the habit of switching them on and off constantly in case we go somewhere that doesn't!) It is SO hard though, I only have one I can't imagine what you are going through with three. You are not alone, good luck!

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 14:17

barnsleybelle, luka does have a good consistent routine and good sleep, my middle son needed his sleep so we are used to be at home after lunch for a good 2hrs sleep, before school run, so cannot be tiredness as he has about 11hrs sleep at night too. he is very much like me v.up and down! my dp constantly says he's just like me!! he was a dream baby and my middle son has just started to become incredibly easy at 3.5yr so maybe all the pressure is now on ds3 to 'conform'.

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barnsleybelle · 06/06/2009 14:21

Yes, i think you may be right and he's not tired. Dd sleeps well at night but we often miss out on day sleep and i think this combined with lots of activities is what causes her meltdown..

I'm sure it's like you say, and just a phase he will move through...

Good luck

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 14:33

goodness i hope so, he's been like this a while tho. i think it is huge frustration, tho as he can't communicate with us. he's due to start nursery in september i wonder what he'll be like?? everyone this this little blue eyed blond haired angel but i know the other side!!

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barnsleybelle · 06/06/2009 14:35

LOL!! I'm with you on that one. Dd reserves her wonderful full on meltdowns for me only! Everyone else gets the dimple smile! Minx...

FlyMeToDunoon · 06/06/2009 14:39

Nursery might help.
What about some simple Makaton signing until your ENT app.

FlyMeToDunoon · 06/06/2009 14:45

just googled makaton and read the bit about frustration.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 14:45

whats makaton? i did think about baby signing but thought he might be too old?

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FlyMeToDunoon · 06/06/2009 14:49

Simple sign language. As used by Justin on cbeebies.

NormaSknockers · 06/06/2009 16:42

Makaton is very easy & effective - we had to learn it as a family for my little sister. Kids can pick it up so quickly.

5inthebed · 06/06/2009 22:02

Oh Nicola, not very nice when they have tantrums in the middle of somewhere, especially when you have all eyes on you.

With DS2 (you know all about his problems ) I use makaton when he is having a moment and it works really well. Obviously your little ds3 isn't the same in comparison, but sometimes visual things are easier to take in rather than words.

So.....

So, to get your ds3 to listen to what you are saying, cup one of your ears with a hand and say his name and the word "listen". repeat it a few times and I can guarantee he will stop enough to listen to you. If he is wanting to do yyyy straight away, tell him "first xxxx, then yyyy".

It will get easier, you just need to take control of the situation rather than leave it. We have all been there hun. You know where I am if you ever need me.

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 22:04

thank you my lovely, i so needed to talk to you today, none of my friends understand but i knew you would my msn still not working thanks for replying, i will try that xxx

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BexieID · 06/06/2009 22:10

nicola, your DS3 sounds exactly like my Tom, apart from the biting. We keep putting it down to frustration as he's only now saying a few words. We are waiting for a SALT appt. Was it DS3 waiting for ENT appt?

Original poster

nicolamumof3 · 06/06/2009 22:41

yes it is bexie.

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