Enough...ds3 23m worried he will hurt himself with tantruming.

[nicolamumof3]

Typing this in tears, as im just exhausted and had enough of ds3 he's two next month and im sick of the high pitched screaming, but worse of all the throwing himself around. i just left nursery fete as he was going mental literally threw himself onto concrete, i rushed home with him kicking and screaming so much thought he would damage himself or the pushchair. poor ds2 in tears as he's had to leave all his friends.

ds3 was biting me kicking and screaming i have never experienced this before with my first two boys its horrific and im exhausted im starting to dread taking him out. he's in his cot now as i need a break and thought this was the safest place.

You could have phoned me, I'm not that scary to speak to

i v.nearly did, but didn't want to disturb you on a saturday when you're having nice family w/end! and i probably would have burst into tears!!

I remember the ENT said that taking out Toms tonsils/adenoids may improve his behaviour but they couldn't guarantee it. It hasn't though, so hoping the SALT referal may help. Tom pinches and hits.

How does DS3 play? I read somethere that if they lie on the floor concentrating on the wheels of a car then it is possible they could be on the autistic spectrum. Tom does this and SIL seems to think he might be as he is very methodical doing things.

I'm not qualified in any of this so it's just speculation atm. All I know is Tom behaves differently to other kids his age, in play, speech even eating. He hardly eats anything. It could be food whats causing it. DP can't have eggs as it makes him really hyper!

Your DS3 isn't 2 yet is he? I think it's good that he is having an assesment early on, Tom was 2.7 when he had his.

When we got back from shopping, he wouldn't walk so lay down on the wet pavement. The other day, he laid on the floor of a card shop.

oh bexie its so hard isn't. i haven't really noticed him playing differently to the other boys tbh. i must admit i am now starting to wonder whether the tantrums are 'normal' but dp is insistent it is his hearing. but i say things and he looks around, or if i call him he always responds. i said something today and he copied with a very similar sound. he's starting to copy sounds quite well but they are not words, he doesn't seem to be able to make the ending of words so for Tate he will say Tay for example.

nicola... How are you? I've been thinking about you. I want you to know that if you ever need any support at any time i'm happy for you to message me.

thank you barnsley thats so kind, im feeling ok-ish still a bit fragile, dp was home earlier (works split shifts) and could see his behaviour. we have this huge thing about him not going in pushchair, so then dp said i'll take him for walk, i said in pushchair? he said know i will let him walk. so tomorrow when i try and get him in pushchair (i need him in it as have 3yr old to hold onto as well) he will go mental again, and so we go on!! i know only dp is trying to help but i prefer him in pushchair in town tbh.

I think if you are the one taking him out then it should be your decision. If ds prefers to be out of the buggy then this is an ideal way to help control his tantrums. He tantrums he stays in buggy, he calms down, you get him out, and so on. Even if he is in and out 60 times in one trip he will eventually begin to understand. I remember doing this with ds yrs ago when he used to refuse to walk safely. he soon cottoned on! I don't have the dh issue as he works overseas for 3 months at a time. Although it is hard, at least i get to make the day to day parenting decisions!

yes i agree you are right, its just i can't hold onto him and a buggy and ds2. dp will take him out without any other dc or do this when i am there to watch the older two and push the pushchair. i did infact do this the other afternoon, we were in a really safe walkway no traffic so i didn't have to hold ds2's hand i could let them wander but ds3 wanted to go his way, i said to him 'walk nicely with mummy or you will go in the pram' 'no' he answered and walked his way, i told him again and he still did it so in the pram. ear peircing screech all the way to school and for 10mins outside school gate!

Oh Nicola he really is testing you right now, the little minx! It must be sooo hard with another young one too, plus one at school. I only have dd plus a 7yr old so have the time and energy to cope with her!

I think your walk nicely incident was handled perfectly and it's possible you have to deal with the screams for now. I know how hard it is in public as you feel everyone is judging you. Please try to ignore them, the nice ones will understand and remember what it's like. Those who sneer are not worth caring about imo.

I've always found the key to solving these problems are consistancy, on both yours and dp's part. If you stick to the plan he will eventually cotton on.

When dd is in meltdown i wonder why i never appreciated how good my 1st actually was!! I certainly took him for granted as dd is much more of a challenge.

It is very hard. He always has a meltdown at music class and pinches me there. He did it so hard a few weeks ago that I hid behind him, with tears coming down my face. If anyone noticed, they didn't say anything.

Yesterday in Morrisons, he basically screamed the entire way round as he wanted out of the trolley. It's because of his behaviour that MIL was finding it difficult looking after him, so DP changed his hours so that he's home at 5.15 and she only needs to look after him on a friday. MIL had 3 kids, but none were like Tom. DP has ezcema and he was quite moody with cows milk so she put him on goats, plus the no eggs.

At least he doesn't hit/pinch the other kids at toddlers. 2 of the boys are always fighting over toys and one was pinching Tom in the face on thursday!

I just hope we get somewhere with the speech therapy and when he starts nursery. I can't cope with his behaviour as it is when DC2 arrives!

when is he due to start nursery bexie? September? ds3 starts in September i think it will be good for his speech.

What I have found to work for us is to get down on the level of the child and look him/her in the eye and empathise loudly, as loud as he/she is roaring. Repeating "I know you're upset. I understand". This coupled with big hugs (as much as he/she will allow) will help the child to calm down.It shows that you are empathising with the toddler. So even if you don't allow them to do whatever it is they are tantruming about, you are acknowledging their frustration and giving it weight.

All of this is on the premise that the child has lost control and is actually frightened at the sheer scale of emotion. When we as adults lose control we know that we can make our way back to calm. Young toddlers don't have that ability and we need to help them. Has worked with my 3 dc, all very different personalities. Got the idea from Harvey Karp. Happiest Toddler on The Block. You can google it. Good luck.

Tom starts nursey in August.