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Original poster

Anyone else got a 10yo? Am beginning to despair

29 replies

fartmeistergeneral · 03/06/2009 18:14

Rude, emotional (cries at everything!), sullen, lethargic, insulting, unfocussed, highly strung, annoying, immature (for a 10 yo obviously!), huffy......

Am so tired of all this. Want my nice little boy back!!! Anyone else going through this, or have already been through it? How do I cope with this behaviour day in, day out? Every day is a constant challenge between us, and I'm finding that all I do is ask him to stop doing something or other. I'm all for 'choose your battles' but what about when the day is full of unacceptable behaviour???

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catok · 03/06/2009 21:40

Aren't all 10 year-olds like this? Do you know any sweet and well-mannered ones?
Know-it-all Year 5, or tired out Year 6?
Does he think his behaviour is unacceptable?
Challenge him to say 10 pleasant things to you each day as long as you do the same for him.
Give him lots of choices so he feels in control; but you get what you want anyway -we've been offering "Tidy your room or water the garden" "Lay the table and clear or help with washing up" - then loads of praise for achieving the task.
Do you remember being 10? I was the child from hell - against that, mine is almost ok....almost!

FlyMeToDunoon · 03/06/2009 21:47

Actually that is good advice. I remember being miserable at 10-nobody understands me etc no doubt the beginnings of hormonal upheavals. Luckily DD1 though a pita sometimes seems happier than that.

EvenBetaDad · 03/06/2009 22:11

I have a feeling DS1 is slowly moving towards this state at age 9.

He is suddenly being quite unlike the mature sensible caring boy he used to be.

We have tried to lay down clear boundaries that cannot be crossed and between those boundaries try to back off and give him space rather tan battling everything. In addition we have given him more personal responsibility for his life (e.g choosing his own clothes, organising his own homework, getting himself to school without his hand being held) rather than treating him as a child.

That said, this morning, he went and walked straight across a road without looking, left his homework to the last minute, left his pen and lunch box at home and then snatched a ball off a girl and threw it away when he walked through the school gate.

supagirl · 04/06/2009 15:04

Hi

We have a 10 year old and she too is going through this. Suddenly request is met with attitude - I asked her not to walk over benches in the park as her shoes were muddy and people have to sit on them. Her response was "so what!"

She left a jumper behind and on realising exclaimed "$h1t!" I explained if she ever said that again I would take her ipod away for the rest of the day. Her response "no you won't. It's just a word anyway!" When I took the ipod away I got "I hate you!" :-O

This is all so out of character.....I feel we have a teenager already! aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! Sorry I have no words of wisdom but am glad it's not just me. This change seems to have happened overnight and has caught us completely off guard......will be following this thread with interest!

SG

cat64 · 04/06/2009 15:09

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Original poster
fartmeistergeneral · 04/06/2009 17:06

Does anyone else have the weepiness? It's like he's on a knife edge and the tears are never far away. He is a happy boy, but if something happens he doesn't like, or I tell him he can't do/have something, the tears immediately flow.

Also - and this is really getting to me - he insults his brother constantly. He can barely speak to him without saying 'idiot', 'loser', 'stupid' at the end of his sentences. Everything is negative, everything is an effort.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 04/06/2009 17:09

The only thing I would ask is - how are things at school? I don't think it is wise to put everything down to hormones. You might be missing bullying, or anxiety about something else. Perhaps he is afraid to tell you.

I have 2 dss so have been through all of this BTW. (They are 20 and 18).

ICANDOTHAT · 04/06/2009 17:23

Really, really normal at this age .... my ds1 is now 12 and has only just 'come out' of a very emotional 2 year long stage - lots of angry behaviour, crying etc. I think school is getting tougher and hormones doing a rumba.

I would also ask about school just to be on the safe side, I did this with my son, but all seemed ok.

Original poster
fartmeistergeneral · 04/06/2009 17:25

I don't think so, he seems happy enough at school. I know there are some boys he avoids, but nothing major. He's not a 'jock', so that gang might make some comments to him and his friends, but I don't think it's to do with that. He just seems so emotional - the crying, shouting, huffing etc. I'm sure it's probably normal for his age, I just don't know how to deal with it.

OP posts:
screamingabdab · 04/06/2009 17:31
Heathie · 04/06/2009 17:33

I get this from my 10 yr old daughter aswell. Lots of shouting and mouthing all the time. We went to her school when it all started just to see if there were any problems and the teacher said she's a little star, he couldn't ask for a happier, helpful girl to teach. He couldn't believe it when we told him about her attitude and said he'd have a little word with her. That helped for a few weeks and then she started again. I had a major op a couple of months ago and she did calm down for a while but now I'm nearly back on my feet she's started back again.

supagirl · 04/06/2009 19:06

Hi

FMG - we have the insults to siblings too - idiots, losers, fatmen :-O AND we have the tears. A simple request to put a toy away can lead to a total meltdown at the moment, it's like going back to the terrible two's! :O/

It's not ALL the time, she can be a sweet girl but once she starts to lose it, there's no talking her out of it, it's just a case of bracing yourself and waiting for the storm to pass.

Does anyone else get the awful faces as well? We get eye rolling and this AWFUL sort of sneering/disdainful look which REALLY bugs me!

ABetaDad · 04/06/2009 19:18

supagirl - oh yes we get the attitude look. I have to say we do struggle to handle that - it is very tempting to get down to DS1's level. We do manage to hold back most of the time.

psychomum5 · 04/06/2009 19:21

I had a 10yr old like that.

she is now 15, and make the current 10yr old (also like that), seem like a dream child.

I suggest investing in a 15yr old (mine is available next week, when she is a pmt bitchmonster from hell delight), your 10yr olds really will seem tame

Tamarto · 04/06/2009 19:26

My DS1 is 10 we really struggle with the tears. Not really sure how to handle them tbh. Infact Fartmeister do we have the same DS?

supagirl · 04/06/2009 19:39

Abetadad - Glad it's not just me struggling with the "look"

SG

wigglybeezer · 04/06/2009 19:40

We had sports day today, DS1(10) has become very competitive and went in the huff and cried, in front of everybody because he didn't get any firsts... unfortunately little brother got three firsts, this led to another meltdown and also threats of violence towards DS2. We have had only short interludes of pleasantness over the years there always seems to be a new horrid phase around the corner...sigh.

cat64 · 04/06/2009 21:07

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psychomum5 · 04/06/2009 21:11

oh, it will be fine.......honestly.

to be honest, the 15yr old IS actually better than the 10yr old, simply due to the fact that hormones have settled into a predictable pattern, where-as the 10yr old is full on constant, or wildly unpredictable in moods.

I find (and this is now my third 10yr old) that it last like this for about 2yrs, then slowly settles into a proper pattern, but infortunately that proper pattern follows my cycle, meaning that we have two teens with PMT along with me.

my poor poor DH!!

ingles2 · 04/06/2009 21:13

my 9 yr old is like this.. he's 10 in Oct. Everything you describe Fartmeister including the crying. I've always been secretly (and not so secretly on here) smug at how well my boys how got on, but ds1 is also calling ds2 loser, weirdo at any opportunity.
Then you get a day, when he seems like my little pfb again.
He doesn't look like it though, he's shot up in height again, huge feet, now a sweaty football playing alien

screamingabdab · 05/06/2009 01:18

Oh, I would add brat to the names DS1 calls DS2

mulranno · 05/06/2009 15:13

My sone will be 11 in a couple of weeks...we have had a really difficult time over the past couple of years. I "hates" his brother and sister and me most of the time...we have meltdowns, tears etc....BUT things are good at the moment...he finally has got his own room...and appreciates the privacy and space. We have stopped reacting to his tantrums and try and be calm and understanding........we have also dealt with the younger ones who were winding him up and to an extent "bulling" and "teasing" him. On reflection we have expected him to tolerate the nonsense of the younger ones as he is older... but wehave expected this of thim since he was 3..!...whilst the others now 7 and 8 continue to annoy him

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 05/06/2009 15:16

Mine's being shockingly well mannered! Arguing is down to a minimum, he's being helpful, curtious and considerate. A couple of weeks ago he was the exact opposite and lay on the sofa for a few hours because he felt 'sad'. It doesn't last. He has matured so much over the past few weeks

screamingabdab · 05/06/2009 17:27

mulranno that's very true. 9 out of 10 times it's little brother who starts things. He winds DS1 up and will not stop if told by DS1 repeatedly.

DS1 is getting better at not resorting to violence, but I have also had to come down harder on DS2

GodzillasBumcheek · 05/06/2009 22:36

Two 11 year old girls in my house. Nuff said.