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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

When to let DD start hair removal??

56 replies

wangle99 · 04/03/2009 21:19

DD is only 11.5 but has thick dark hair on her legs and she is very self conscious (to the point of refusing to wear a skirt without tights), she has also been teased at school for underarm hair. There are only 4 girls in her class and they are roughly at the same stage of development.

She would like to def remove the hair on her legs and possibly under arms but it seems incredibly young to me. I know I was alot older but then DD is a lot more mature puberty wise than I was at that age.

Any advice? Thank you.

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captainpeacock · 04/03/2009 21:32

My dd is 13 and has been waxing facial hair and shaving legs since the hair began to be noticeable. Having been bullied mercilessly at school over this issue, I would do anything not to put my dd in the same position. In the long run, what difference does it make at what age they start doing this. I would have killed to have the opportunity to remove my unwanted hair.

Original poster

wangle99 · 04/03/2009 21:35

Thank you captainpeacock - I don't know why its so hard to make decisions sometimes regarding your own children. I guess I don't want her then to be teased for having removed it!!!

OP posts:

ShyTalk · 04/03/2009 21:36

She is self-conscious, therefore uncomfortable. Probably miserable. It is surely better to let her depilate, with your help and advice. TBH, her actual age doesn't really matter, as long as she understands that once you start............forever, pretty much. I really bet she would be so relieved if she could just shave/whatever.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 04/03/2009 21:38

DD1 is the same age. She has been shaving under her arms since hair appeared there a year or so ago, she would be terribly teased if she didn't as all her friends do. She does a lot of dance classes as well so her armpits are on display a lot. I bought her a good razor and she has been fine. She doesn't do her legs yet as they aren't that hairy. I think you should let her do it, the teasing is only going to get worse.

bolshybolshevik · 04/03/2009 21:39

Wangle I understand your hesistance. Its all linked to not wanting them to grow too quickly.

I agree with captainpeacock, I was so desperate for hair removal advice when I was a teenager I shaved my dry legs with my dads blunt bic razor, which was also dry. I ended up with up with numerous cuts and lots of blood.

Best to show them how before they try themsleves!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 04/03/2009 21:44

If the hair is dark and noticable like you said it is then let her remove it. I dont think her age comes into it. Take her shopping and buy her own razor or hair removing cream and show her how to use it properly.

LynetteScavo · 04/03/2009 21:44

If you don't help her, she will do it herself and probably cut herself.

I've always shaved....do you lot think it's best to start waxing young or shaving?

captainpeacock · 04/03/2009 21:46

I see where you are coming from wangle99 and that thought did cross my mind, but believe me, the earlier they start doing it the less they have that problem. If you leave it for a couple of years then the other children will definitely be asking where the hair has gone. If you do it now they are too young to notice and it will never be an issue. Honestly, as I say, dd is 13 and has never had a comment since she has started removing it.

Pawslikepaddington · 04/03/2009 21:47

I cut my legs to ribbons for years dry shaving as mum thought shaving legs was tarty-still have the scars on my shins now! I would say let her do it-she will in the end anyway, and if it saves her being teased...

hester · 04/03/2009 21:52

I'm a raddled old 80s feminist - and yes, I would definitely let your dd depilate.

frogs · 04/03/2009 21:56

DD1 has v. hairy legs and was v. self-consious about it. We talked through the options a few times, and she decided she wanted to start hair removing when she was 10 iirc. I made her promise not to shave without telling me the first few times. Show her how it's done and buy her a good-quality swivel-head razor, or give her the option of going to a salon to get it waxed.

Honestly, if it's making her miserable, then let her do it, she'll only resent you otherwise. I think 11 is plenty old enough to make those decisions with a bit of support.

SmileyMylee · 04/03/2009 23:34

My DD 9 has a very hairy back and she is very self conscious about it. What is the best options for hair removal - shaving? Waxing, lasers? electrolysis?

I have no idea what to suggest. Any ideas?

Coldtits · 04/03/2009 23:36

i was about 10! Let her remove it.

KatyMac · 04/03/2009 23:38

I wondered about getting DD's legs waxed but thought it would be unbelievably precious of me

So it isn't really that awful? She is 11 & there is an OK place where I could get it done for her

frogs · 04/03/2009 23:44

I'd only do it if she'd asked repeatedly. I'd never suggest it to her, no matter how hairy she was.

captainpeacock · 04/03/2009 23:49

I'm sorry I have no idea about the back, although I don't see why waxing wouldn't work. Katymac you can go to a salon, but I don't know what their regulations are about age. I do my dd at home. Yes it can be painful, but she wants it done more than she wants the teasing. At 13 she has started doing for herself, which is what I do also. She, and to be honest my dh and ds see us waxing and are just gratefull that it isn't something that they have to do themselves.

pooter · 04/03/2009 23:58

oh yes, please let her do it (with help/advice etc) i was teased mercilessly - it was miserable and contributed to my having very low self esteem. i ended up cutting myself, stealing old razors out of the bin etc. yuk - what a horrid time that was. She's lucky to have a mum who wants to do the right thing by her

AlexanderPandasmum · 05/03/2009 00:02

I am another one who (if I had a DD) would let a DD remove hair from her legs if it bothers her. As an 11-yr-old myself I was teased for hairy legs and my mum wouldn't let me shave them as she thought i was too young. I was finally allowed to bleach them at about 13 on holiday. Soon after that I started using razors but dry as I knew very little about shaving - ouch!

Yes, I would definitely let her do it .

Ozziegirly · 05/03/2009 00:49

I would let her too.

I have found shower depilatory cream rather good - you put it on and leave it for a minute (normally when cleaning teeth) then go in shower and sponge off at the end of the shower. It's Nair I think.

Do it once a week and she won't be covered in little shaving cuts and it's cheaper than waxing (and less painful!)

Ozziegirly · 05/03/2009 00:52

Oh and as for your DD's back Mylee - I wax my DH's back and it does give him a few bumps - I guess it's more sensitive.

I would suggest going to a salon and seeing what they suggest - maybe electrolysis or laser. My friend has excess facial hair and had it lasered a few years ago and it has never grown back.

Astrophe · 05/03/2009 02:51

I'd let her do it, and go for waxing over shaving. Once you've started shaving, the 'damage' is fone with regard to the hair seeming sharper and darker and thicker (I know its not really, but as they are all the same lenght, and cut short and stubbly...). I've been waxing for about 10 years and def my leg hairs are softer and less offensive to me now than they were than when I shaved.

If the expense of waxing in an issues, you can go it for your DD at home, or (if she is a bit tough ) wax once, then use an epilator thereafter. If I ues my epilator about once every 5 days/once a week, its not painful, just a bit uncomfortable (if I leave it much longer than that, I need to wax again).

For underarms, get electrolosis is you can affored it.

nooka · 05/03/2009 03:21

If she's very uncomfortable and self conscious then I'd have a chat with her about options. I'd probably choose a shower dilapidator as Ozziegirly suggests, because it's relatively gentle, you don't have to do it so often, there's no risk of cuts and if you don't do it too often you don't get the stubble effect. I do think it is sad it has to be done at all, especially at age eleven, but it's such a dominant fashion I think you should only challenge it on your own behalf, not your dds. I'll hate having that sort of conversation with dd

katymouse · 05/03/2009 08:35

Coincidentally, before even finding this thread this morning, I spent a giggly 15 minutes in the bathroom with my 10 year old who is one eighth American Indian, showing her how to use Veet and Raser on her lower legs. Fantastic effect, and a much more confident little girl! Stay matter of fact about it, this is 2009 ladies, we do it our way not our grannies way. Other DD is luckily blonde like me and doesn't need it yet, but I'll do the same for her when she does. Haven't tried the shower stuff yet, but may get some when next passing Boots. Eek, time for School...

KristinaM · 05/03/2009 14:21

Could I ask for advice about my DD? She is only 9 and has always had quite hairy arms and now its beginning to bother her. AFAIK its not related to puberty as i dont see any other signs. What is the best things for arms? I mean her forearms not under arms?

Sorry i am a bit clueless ....

psychomum5 · 05/03/2009 14:31

my older girls were 11 when they started shaving their legs, they are dancers and are very conscious of their bodies (well, TBH, most girls are aren;t they?).

under arm hair was being shaved as soon as it started growing. in fact, I had no idea that they did have under arm hair until I commented that they would need to be aware of it when it came........they then said they had been shaving for a while now!

DD3 is 10, and has a dance show looming......no doubt she will ask for help from her older sisters

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