School did height/weight check without my knowledge. Results say DD is 1kg away from 'official' Clininally Obese category. How should i approach school about this?

[LoneStranger]

I am so angry that DD was weighed without my knowledge and would not have consented to this if i'd had a letter. DD is almost 5 and weighed 22kg and 1.4m tall (or short). She is one of the two 'larger' girls in her class.

To look at her, she looks 'full' but not 'fat'. To pick her up, she feels as though she has bricks in her pockets. She doesnt eat a lot of junk food and i really do think she is heavy-boned.

I have tried to restrict her junk food intake since we had the letter and 'leaflet of advice'. DD was unwelll for a few days before Christmas and ate very little during that time. She has just got out of the shower and i can notice that her belly does not appear as 'pot' as i am accustomed to.

I feel so sad, for her and me but feel i should say something to the school. Im not deflecting blame. At the parents consultation I mentioned that DD had said that some of the others had laughed at her once when they got changed for PE. Her teacher said that she considered DD to be 'solid' but not fat. A week later we got the letter.

DD does weekly swimming lessons and 1 and 1/2 hours Stagecoach and is driven 7 miles to and from school.

Any advice greatfully received. Thanks

Absolutely agree with bisky bat's earlier post. I am now a healthy adult who loves exercise and eats a healthy diet. This is not due to my parent's attitude.

It was only when I left home that I sorted things out. Was it worth a ruined relationship on their behalf?

I would seriously consider objecting to my son being routinely weighed, unless there was a real medical reason to do so

Roseability as far as I am aware the children are weighed twice during primary school (so one off interventions, not regular weighing, which I agree would not be right), it is the whole class, not particular individuals, and it is done by the local healthcare team who are aligned to the school, but not run by the LEA. By the time children are at school they are no longer the responsibility of the HV, but the school nurse, who is a part of the team undertaking the health screening. So it's a progression of that relationship. My children left the UK school system before it was introduced (although ds's reception health screening picked up a significant eyesight problem that our local optician had missed... twice, so I am very grateful to it).

The screening is done for two reasons, firstly to flag where there are concerns about a particular child, as with LS here, and secondly to target whole school interventions and to see if these are effective (like the free fruit at break initiative). Unfortunately obesity is becoming a huge health issue, and for a lot of people this starts in childhood, the reason for the new programme is also that parents have been shown in research to be not very good at judging when their child is becoming overweight.

I do think that adults can easily become obsessive about weight, especially when they have a history of dieting. We didn't have scales for years, until dh became a bodybuilder. Now the children use it for competitive weighing, to see who is biggest (they are very close in age). I have never weighed them outside of this context.

Hello everyone! My DD is 3.5 years old weighs approx 3.5 stone (not sure of that in KGs) But is very tall and in 5-6 year old clothes. She is podgy but not obviously fat. She weighed 10lb 2oz at birth and has always been on the top of the percentile chart. She is a nightmare for getting healthy food into! Only eats bananas and apples, no other fruit and veg although it is offered at most meals. This morning had one slice of toast with a thin scraping of Nutella (Yes I know, Not everyday usually Marmite) and a small banana. Is this too much? My Husband and I are both tall I am 5'10 DH is 6 foot and very stocky and overweight at 19 stone! (I know! he is being good now and is hoping to loose weight) We aren't stupid he is a PhD I am a Radiographer and I feel we both have a good idea of nutrition and like exercising. We now have another Daughter who was 7'13oz at birth and is slap bang central on the percentile charts so is it just pot luck as far as genes are concerned. I do worry about DD1 getting enough exercise but its hard when like alot of you we have to drive to Nursery and I have another baby to care for! Any tips for getting good nutrition into a really fussy kid and more exercise! Help I have had lots of comments on DD1 weight by my very annoying PIL and don't want her to get a complex. They will poke her in the stomach and say, "What's that?"
I have spoken to a HV about her weight but she didn't seem unduly worried due to her initial weight at birth, and thinks she is destined to be a bigger frame.
Still abit despressing when other kids are skinnies and eat fruit veg etc HELP!

i got a consent form my my dd last night and i dont object to her being assessed

she turned 5 last nov and is in aged 6 clothes for height but shes very slim as i always used to be

if i was told she was obese i would cut out all junk food. i am fairly relaxed and we eat healthy foods but i do allow her choc after a meal (as i like it too) as i do the ds but if it affected thier weight i would not

i would be horrified if i was told that anyone had laughed at her.i remember how cruel kids can be

I am quite lucky that mine will eat anything but my sisters kids are really fussy. she finds it hard to get them to eat anything!

Can i just add that i agree with comments about giving your children bad body images.

my dd laughs at my jelly belly and i say thats where you and your sister and brother lived!!

some of my friends have daughters and obsess about diets and being slim.it should be about being healthy

My dd has a bigger frame than her brother, but that's her bone structure (ie her hips are wider) for example. He is very slight, and lean (think all bones sticking out), where she is well proportioned. dd is also very tall (ds only a little so). I am 5'10" and dh 6'5", so we are a tall family. None of us were heavy at birth, and I'm not sure that is particularly tied into future size. For example dd was 6 pounds and 13 ounces, so quite small, but has consistently been above the 90th centile since she was about 6 months old. What is your daughter's height weight ratio now - you can check it in the red book. If she has a much higher weight centile than her height centile, and it's not showing signs of falling, then I think you need to start taking some action.

I think you need to consciously think about exercise for her - how active is she in normal life? (my ds is skinny because he cannot sit still, not because he belongs to lots of sports clubs). What sort of games do you play at home, how often does she run up and down the stairs, dance, play physical games with you and your dh etc. There are lots of little ways to increase your energy burn and fitness. How much does she walk vs going in a buggy/car? Do you go to the local part at weekends, to use the playground or go for a walk for example.

Re the fussiness it's tricky - my dd has a dislike of new textures, and we have taken the slow steady approach with her, gradually increasing her range of food, requiring that she tastes everything, even if that's all she does, not offering anything interesting as an alternative etc.

I don't think your HV is being particularly helpful to be honest. Is she really saying, well she's just going to be overweight all her life, so don't worry about it? I think that is particularly tricky, especially if your younger child is possibly going to be naturally lighter (although I would wonder if perhaps she is more active?) because it's very tough when you are older and trying to watch what you eat, and you have a sibling eating everything in sight. I was like this with my sister - I had to eat loads (I used to faint if I ran out of energy), and she had to cut back for a few years.

Could you keep a food diary for a week or so and see exactly what she is eating? We often eat much more than we think. Remember the aim with a small child is not to lose weight, but to grow into it.

Really interesting thread and lots of good info.

My nephew is very obviously over weight (aged 6) and is already being teased at school and gets breathless when he runs. However his parents just don't seem to see it even though GP commented on it at an unrelated appointment.

I find it really hard as really want to offer some advice but don't want to come across as judgemental etc but i really worry about him as he's a quiet sensitive boy and don't want his school days to be a misery.

So tricky.

Tracey, it's been like that with my niece. You could see the weight grow on her from when she was around about five or so, and it just seemed to be accepted that she would be large like some other family members. I do think it is sad because it probably was quite correctable (mainly due to poor food choices and not enough exercise) and I suspect she will struggle all her life with her weight. Certainly I wonder how much it has affected her emotionally, as she has become quite a withdrawn teenager, and was really unhappy with early puberty (a common side effect for overweight girls). Very hard to say anything unless you are close though.

Your question prompted me to look up my 4 year old son's BMI. I know his height but only know his weight from some time ago. So I added an extra 5lb (2.3kg) and low and behold, "may be obese". So I thought I'd overdone it and took away 2lb from that(0.9kg)and we were back to just "overweight", and then back to the weight I last knew and we were back at "healthy".

It's only 5lb (2.3kgs) from "healthy" to "maybe obese". So I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, just be a little cautious what you feed her. If you can't face another after school activity or it's too cold for the park, you could try getting a WII.

I also find that asking my son to eat slowly and to wait 15 minutes until he's finished before he asks for more works quite well. ALso having meals when he is hungry rather than making him wait until we are all ready to eat reduces the amount he consumes.

I do think it is a generalisation to say all overweight people are unhappy. I have been fat and thin, and equally happy and unhappy in both states. To me, what makes a difference is that you feel loved. And your daughter obviously doesn't want for that.

Don't forget that to get smaller, calories out must be bigger than calories in. The simplest way is to up the exercise.

Hi again, I know the advise here has not all been in relation to my initial post, but i have to say again that its all been very helpful and thought-provoking. Im really glad that i posted this as its been a (rude) awakening in lots of ways. Thanks.

Its really hard to single out the most useful advise and posts, but those posted todat stick out in my mind, probably as their info is still freshest at the moment. I have emailed this thread to two friends of mine and they were really encouraged by the info here. Hi! to those friends, you know who you are!

Please keep posting, the different experiences and approaches are proving useful to many more posters than myself. Thanks again.

baked beans are not carbs - they do count as a fruit and veg portion along with other pulses

Some of that advice could do with an edit, I've never eaten honey or pure juice with added sugar. Even in the States - it is amazing what they like to add sugar (well high fructose syrup) to, and salt as well. The UK food industry, whilst not fantastic is a great deal more healthy than over here.

The thing to watch with tinned food is the additives. You can make very nice home made baked beans. Unfortunately in my family I'm the only one who likes them (and beans are so not a good idea for dh!)