School did height/weight check without my knowledge. Results say DD is 1kg away from 'official' Clininally Obese category. How should i approach school about this?

[LoneStranger]

I am so angry that DD was weighed without my knowledge and would not have consented to this if i'd had a letter. DD is almost 5 and weighed 22kg and 1.4m tall (or short). She is one of the two 'larger' girls in her class.

To look at her, she looks 'full' but not 'fat'. To pick her up, she feels as though she has bricks in her pockets. She doesnt eat a lot of junk food and i really do think she is heavy-boned.

I have tried to restrict her junk food intake since we had the letter and 'leaflet of advice'. DD was unwelll for a few days before Christmas and ate very little during that time. She has just got out of the shower and i can notice that her belly does not appear as 'pot' as i am accustomed to.

I feel so sad, for her and me but feel i should say something to the school. Im not deflecting blame. At the parents consultation I mentioned that DD had said that some of the others had laughed at her once when they got changed for PE. Her teacher said that she considered DD to be 'solid' but not fat. A week later we got the letter.

DD does weekly swimming lessons and 1 and 1/2 hours Stagecoach and is driven 7 miles to and from school.

Any advice greatfully received. Thanks

I certainly wasn't suggesting that BMI was the best way to gauge these things, merely that it would give you an idea

And re "heavy bones" I think you are referring to frame size or build (slight, average, heavy builds). There are BMI charts that take these into account and tell you how to determine your frame size (it is by measuring your wrist IIRC)

Will find

oh no is not
how to calculate your frame size (adults only)

recommended weight by frame

I'm all for the initiative but in our case, it has been a little intrusive.

We are a tall, athletic family. DD is above the 99.9 centile for both weight and height. All HVs up until school age understood my concern when they plotted her graph but always came back with 'perfectly in proportion height to weight - a normal, very tall little girl'.

Since handing over to the school health service, they are arguing that DD is weighed twice a year and follow up with lengthy conversations with me about diet and exercise. DD is now starting to ask why she is one of the children who are singled out. To me, they are making an issue out of a non-issue. The height weight ratio has never changed.

I do understand that there are many families who are assisted by this initiative but do understand LoneStrangers initial concerns. I'm also questioning whether it's helpful in our (extreme) case.

shangrila - your school health service sound very stupid indeed if they are unable to understand the concept of height:weight ratio and are wasting resources on "advising" you and your DD. Have you thought of writing to your LEA about this?

I haven't read every post but would just like to add my experience as a child. I was of average weight/height proportions as a young child but at about 8-10 yrs old I got alot chubbier, looking at photos I was overweight. I ate the same things (chocolate and crisps included) I'd eaten at 7 yrs old but suddenly it appeared I was eating too much. I was fairly active but not amazingly athletic.

My mother dealt with this weight gain by completely ignoring it. My sister was very skinny and so was my brother. This was the seventies and we didn't do the whole weighing thing.

I then went through puberty at about 11 and dropped all the weight overnight. I know there is supposedly no such thing as puppy fat but I became a very slim 12 yr old and am still quite slim now.

I think it can be very damaging to affect a child's self esteem by weighing her in such an official way. Parents should be given quiet/unobtrusive advice. As long as the child is active and not eating junk food all day, no great harm is going to come to them. If they are still overweight when they hit puberty then I think it is safer to tinker with their diet.

Why would anyone be against having their child weigted and measured at school? Wouldn't you want to know if the kid is within the healthy weight-height ratio????? What's wrong with that???

"Personally I think children should be fairly skinny"

I don't really understand this statement. Children are like adults and vary hugely - some are skinny, some are muscular, some are tall, some are short etc. My DD's ribcage is pretty visible but she has very muscular thighs (and is immensely strong and a fast runner) - no-one could call her skinny and she would, given her morphology, have to be seriously ill to be skinny.

I also don't understand the objection to weighing and measuring ... most of us were obsessed with this when they were babies (or at least with our PFBs - poor DD2's red book is very lacking). DD1 was weighed and measured and it was done in private and a sealed note came back to me to be put into her red book. First weighing I got a note about her being light for her height (she's very tall but by no means skin and bone) and found out she wasn't eating much at lunch time, so we jointly worked on that without making it into an issue, and at the last weighing she'd balanced out a bit. Actually think this was just her natural catching up after a growth spurt but hey-ho. However through all this, DD had no understanding of what all this weighing and measuring meant ... it was just something different they did at school one day.

Haven't read all posts, but wanted to add that while I don't believe someone can be "heavy boned", in that their bone density can't be greater than average, I do believe individuals of the same height can have chunkier bones of the same length (call it wider, more girth or whatever).

I am a slim 5' 8" and firmly believe I have "big bones" in this sense. Even when I lost a lot of weight during a stressful period, my waist measurement wouldn't go under 30" because my rib cage is so huge it wouldn't allow for a smaller waist. A delicately boned friend of the same height, who weighs about 3st more than me, has a narrower than me for the same reason.

It's not scientific, and the women drive me crazy, but Trinny and Susannah talk about this big build/bones versus small business. I don't have thin fingers, for example, but chunky, wide knuckles. So I wouldn't rule out bone chunkiness as a factor.

This said, DS (4) is 1.16m tall and weighs 2kg less than your DD, and he seems pretty solid to me.

Please don't beat yourself up about this. Some kids/grown-ups can (and do) eat all kinds of crap and do little exercise and yet don't put on weight, and because there isn't this outward sign of gained weight (even though their insides may not be in the best state), no one's pointing the finger at them. Maybe your DD has a slow metabolism?

Do try to objectively consider the possibly of your DD being overweight. You know your daughter, the reality of what and how much she eats and how much she exercises, what her metabolism is like and how "big-boned" she genuinely seems to be - you know if you need to do anything about this.

My DCs school are going to weigh all the kids after half term. It's an independent school and the matron carries out various health checks from time to time.
To be honest it all seems a bit of a lottery to me how much kids weigh.
Mine eat huuuuge amounts...breakfast cereal, hot chocolate, fruit, full school lunch including pudding, tea of pasta or stew or whatever and supper of cereal or toast.
And don't get me started on xmas...sweets, crisps, mince pies, sausage rolls out of our ears.
They are skinny, horribly so sometimes.
I can only think it must be exercise. School do sports, and I mean real competitive stuff, four times a week. In addition they do sports at the weekend. Over xmas we walked for a few hours each day.
Maybe focus less on the food and more on exercise?

Fab thread. I've found it so helpful. Same situation for me - DD (9) heavy but complicated by DSs (12&6) being stick thin. All eat together, all have packed lunches. Only difference seems to be that DD is a member of the 'clean plate club' & also eats quickly but the boys are slow & stop as soon as they're full. I do control portion size, give water with meals & limit 2nd helpings within reason but it's hard. The whole snacking thing gets tricky too as the boys then seem to get hungry sooner as they haven't filled up as much at mealtimes, but I can't leave DD out of snacks offered. Youngest DS won't eat fruit but will eat the deepest darkest veg! Not sure where I went wrong there
Any ideas on managing DD's weight down & DS's up without one feeling punished or anyone going hungry? We do discuss this together in a fairly relaxed way.
All are fairly active btw - eg DD does 4hrs gym, swims, walks 2 sch, rollerblades etc.

There is no scientific basis in the idea that some people have significantly chunkier bones. There is one rare medical condition which I can't remember the name of, but you'd know if you had it.

See below:

True, some of us are bigger boned than others. However, that does not account for more than 5-10 pounds, at most. The whole concept of being ?big boned? came from weight charts that insurance companies created decades ago. These charts were made up of the weights of a group of (white male) people who had applied for life insurance. The insurance company executives decided to divide the group by weight into thirds, and categorized the people as having small, medium, or large frames in that way. There was no science behind it. Body Mass Index (BMI) is much more accurate as a way to evaluate your body weight, regardless of gender

Allotwant - we have this issue with DSS1 (13) who is naturally slim and has a clear off button that makes him stop eating when he is full (or vomit, if he overeats) and DSS2 (11) who is overweight and has no off button. Believe me, no-one went wrong - it is pure genetics.

We talk about it in an upfront way, explaining to DSS2 when he overeats (and gains weight) that he was, unfortunately, born without the off button for food and that we will help him learn consciously about the right size portions and will restrict his food intake (explaining why we do this) until he has learnt to restrict it on his own. DSS1 is not allowed to get away with teasing DSS2 about his chubby tummy or his voracious appetite - if he does, he gets a hard time about the things on which he does not beat DSS2 in the genetic lottery of life.

Hello again Ladies. Thanks again for all the advise that has been given on this thread. Some interesting theories about body fat and bone density. Just to say that I have taken a lot of things on board. Mainly I will be reducing DDs portion sizes and weaning of the habit of crisps, sweets and 'pudding'. I recognise that we need to approach this as a family; although i do not consider any of us to be be 'fat' i realise that we do not eat a balanced diet. Also excercise, i will be incorporating some fun things to do to get excercise. She loved feeding the ducks, for example, so we'll walk or scooter the 10 minutes walk, rather than stopping off in the car on the way back from the shops.

I am so pleased than others have found this thread useful and I have to say that the advice has educated me so much in broader terms.

Government bully tactics?! By informing someone that their child is borderline clinically obese? Government should not have to do that, a bit of common sense and basic knowledge of nutrition should suffice to keep children within healthy weight. Why feed them even 'little bit' junk food? It's labelled 'junk' for good reason - it is not healthy nor nutritious. Lets be honest, there are too many healthy eating messages blasted from every corner as it is, if people still don't get, that eating crisps, sweets, fast food etc. makes you fat and hence unhealthy, then it's not for lack of information offered.
If parents choose to delude themselves by saying that their child is not fat, just chubby etc. they are doing a massive disservice to the child. Apart from being (often) bullied and ridiculed at school, they will face a myriad of health problems later in life.
It's not difficult not even expensive to feed a family a healthy diet. All supermarkets have their own label products, vegetables, fruit galore. Instead of packet of crisps, give the child an apple. They will eat it if they are hungry. Very simplistic example but shows the point.
I know I'll get screamed on for this post, oh well, so be it.
Healthy eating starts with parents example. We all want our children to be happy and healthy.

Haven't read past 1st page so apologies for that.

I personally would be mortified if my child was 1kg away from clinically obese.
Apart from the fact that the school weighed your Dd it's not the schools responsibility to ensure the health and well being of your child.

Request a referral to a dietician from your GP.

Astarte and rollmops, perhaps you should have read past the first page.

Your blunt posts are surplus to requirements.

This thread has been there, done that and come full circle back to be supportive and understanding of how difficult it can be to get the balance right.

Yes, perhaps I should have read past the first post.
There is some very decent advice and links here, but the fact remains her Dd does not defy the laws of physics and is heftily overweight at the very least.

It's not rocket science is it? If you eat too much, eat the wrong foods and do very little exercise you will get fat.

For a 4yo to be 1 kg off clinically obese and for the parent to appear have more of an issue with the fact she didn't consent to her being weighed at all is ridiculous.

Dress it up how you like 'big boned, chubby, puppy fat' or alternatively give your child the start of 'heart disease, poor eating habits, diabetes' etc.

The fact that you are so against consenting towards her being 'weighed' (hardly an invasive procedure) suggests that you think she has weight issues or it wouldnt bother you.

The question is not whether the child is over weight, but what is the best way of handling the problem. Children who have problems with weight need to be handled sensitively and the parents need to be involved. There is no point in children being taken out of lessons to be weighed if their parents aren't given proper and confidental support. I also thinking that any subsequent weighings should be done outside a school enviromnent.

My son had a hearing test at school done by the school nurse. I felt it was a total utter waste of time as he was already having his hearing tested every three months by a paediatric audiologist. I felt that the school would have been better to ask for a copy of his latest audiogram rather than wasting his time to tell us the obvious.

Thanks AnyF*cker for your continued supporting posts. Astarte, I do not want this thread to denegrate into personal jibs.I have taken on board the many posts that have made your point, though rather more sensitively. I have previously made it clear how i intend to respond to my DDs weight issue and politely request that you do not add a bitter tone to this. If you have read all the posts and still feel in appropriate to post in that way, then it is a shame.

LoneStranger, don't get upset about it - you know you'll always get people who refuse to read other posts or are more rude than what is necessary. Just ignore!

You're obviously very open and I'm impressed with how you took all the comments on board. Well done and good luck with all the changes.

Hmm, I have watched this thread with great interest. I suffered from eating disorders for many years because my mother was rather obsessed with weighing me (from the age of about 12 onwards). I was never overweight until I became eating disordered and first became very underweight for several years and then went to the other extreme. I ended up in hospital in my mid-twenties. My EDs have been under control for nearly 20 years now and I am "normal size" - and have been the same size for all that time, 2 pregnancies notwithstanding. However, I am extremely cautious about nanny state's meddling as regards singling out children and weighing them. I met other anorexics whose problems started when they were weighed in school (this was normal practice in some schools in PE lessons years ago). I quite see that some parents need education as regards diet and exercise for their children, but frankly I think that doing this through schools is the wrong tack to take. It should be done through the HVs and doctor's surgery. Aside from anything else, a GP/HV is likely to have a clearer picture (assuming regular contact with a family) what the score is overall in the home. I have 2 dcs from my 2 marriages. Exh was tall and thin and his dd is now somewhat similar in build, but at 4 she was short and chubby, despite lots of exercise and a textbook healthy diet. She just gradually stretched out. My dh is short and very stocky. At nearly 4, his ds is tall and extremely stocky. On the 91st centile for height and on the 98th for weight. I shall not be giving my permission for the school to weigh either of them as I feel that it is an unacceptable intrusion - and quite possibly an unhealthy approach, particularly for my dd. A genetic disposition to EDs can be inherited. Long post, sorry.

I thought they had to tell you if your child was being weighted. In my area all reception children are given routine health checks(weight, height, eyes, hearing etc) but we are given a letter where we can be present at any tests.

In our junior school they started weighing year 6 pupils. Parents were given a letter and and only had to complete it if they objected. I objected and my children didn't get weighed. They don't get teased, they aren't aware if others get weighed or not so I assumed the other children aren't aware than my DC aren't weighted.

A very important issue which is largely ignored in these situations is the feelings of the child and their relationship with their parents. Of course health is important and we all worry that our children are eating a healthy, balanced diet and will grow into healthy adults, but from personal experience this has to be handled sensitively.

I had a father who was always very fit, slim and saw things as black and white like some of you do i.e. 'You eat less and exercise more, you will lose weight'. For him there was no such thing as 'big boned' you were fat and that was that.

Coupled with being weighed at school and always falling in the slightly overweight category (despite being the county cross country champion, muscle does make you weigh more) because build, athleticism and sex were never considered, I developed serious emotional issues around food. Yes even at primary school age.

I have largely overcome this, but I have no relationship with my father to speak of.

Some of you sound very blunt and I hope you do not convey such blunt attitudes to weight, body image and health to your children. Believe me it can lead to a lot of heartache for a sensitive child, such as I was. It can also ruin your relationship with your child in the long term.

I have managed to create a very relaxed atmosphere about food in our house (I have a son 2.8). He loves healthy food but does indulge in the odd treat. He is active in a way in which he enjoys. He is never weighed, as I wish him to develop a confident self image that does not revolve around weight and numbers. I can tell by looking at him that he is not overweight.

I do not feel it is necessary to weigh children routinely and Iwould be delighted if my children never discovered scales.

If a child becomes obviously overweight, it is possible to change things without making weight an obvious issue. If we are just talking about a bit of puppy fat, this can drop off as the child grows. If we are talking about bad eating habbits that have developed because of parenting, this can also be changed without too much fuss.

Finally if the worst comes to the worst and your child does experience weight problems into adulthood, just love them, love them and then love them some more. Praise their attributes and sympathise with any problems. Do not let it ruin your relationship with them.