Any child psychologists out there? What do you think (professionally) about controlled crying?

[Neenztwinz]

I have used CC, I think it is a very quick and effective way of dealing with sleep problems, but I was wondering if there was any research done into its long-term effects. My SIL is a child psychologist and she is dead against CC, so I wonder whether it is because of research she may have seen. I don't want to ask her about it because our babies are only 7 weeks different in age and discussions such as these are just not worth the hassle IYKWIM.

Penthesileia, I argued with her that if he had reflux then leaving him lying down screaming wasn't likely to achieve anything other than hardship for all, then gave up (she'd kept us waiting for 1hr and it was past 7:30pm, so I wasn't in the mood to hang around).
We were absolutely exhausted at the time, having just upped sticks and moved halfway around the world, complete with a reflux baby, so DH thought we should try the CC. We did. I lasted 2 days and we stopped.
I know I say this a lot, but in France if you move in circles other than the wealthy Parisian one, you find that parents are not dissimilar to many in the UK; the myth of the omniscient peadiatrician is dying out and people are less likely to stick to rigid routines than they were before.
Bet this thread has galloped on in the time it took to type that!

Sounds exhausting, AuldAlliance. How are things now?

AA - I don't really agree - I think that mentalities about childcare/education are moving forward much more quickly in wealthy and educated circles here in Paris than in other segments of the population. Everything conspires not to give much choice to those who need to use state childcare and school from a very early age. And if you are well-off/have a good mutuelle, you can pick and choose your paediatrician in a way that you just cannot if your means are limited.

Anna the crèche here only shuts for the last fortnight in Aug (AA encourages mass migration to the south-east). We could have put DS in the crèche (but then again we are not remotely wealthy), and considered it, but saw no reason to as we were happy with the assistante maternelle who was looking after him.

Message withdrawn

I don't know anything about crèches but I used the halte garderie and a childminder and both were very understanding about DSs late toilet training.

He is still in night nappies at 5.9 and our GP and the school doctor both say no worries.

There is definitely an overall difference in the general childrearing culture between France and the UK, but I think Anna paints a very black and white picture on this thread.

Lol at the myth of the omniscient pediatrician, it is quite strong in Italy as well (possibly dying out in bigger cities)
I must say that living in a different country made me quite skeptical of all "fixed rules" of parenting. So many contradictions and differences... I'm being a nihilist today

OSOTC - here in Paris (and I know lots of children in different schools and areas) it is just unheard of for a child to attend petite section still in nappies.

Penth, they are fine, thanks for asking, but then DS is 3.9, so that's all in the distant past. Looking forward to seeing how his little brother (due in April) takes to the sleeping lark!

Anna I move in these utterly weird circles where people actually choose to use state childcare and school, on principle. A lot of my colleagues deliberately send their kids to state school because they think that if teachers boycott the system, then they will contribute to its destruction. But give it a few years: when the current reforms take effect the state system will be so unutterably cr*p that anyone who can avoid using it will do so.

Perhaps they dig into a boo in the UK, because there are no pediatricians? I must confess that when dd was very unwell as a newborn, I phoned (I was in the uk) to my Italian omniscient pediatrician...

Oh dear Auld, which reform? They are reforming the school system in Italy as well. I'm not happy.

Pitchounette: I know what you mean. I do wonder if that might be partly due to the lack of useful books. Pernoud is still about the only option, IME.

I am feeling very [proud] that a thread I started has got over 500 posts.

It has moved into an area I don't really have any expertise/opinion on but I am still following! Thanks everyone.

Although I do know one French family (live in north paris, both teachers). She is very pro-BFing. And she was shocked when I woke my babies to change their nappies (they were desperate as I'd been out for hours and I knew they'd go straight back to sleep after - which they did).

She says you get more mat leave in France if you BF - would people rather go back to work than BF?

Fingers crossed, AuldAlliance!

Yes, my DH cannot get his head round the fact that we don't have a paediatrician to hand, like his sister in Italy. Total culture shock.

AA - the choice of using crèche and halte-garderie just isn't available to the middle-classes in Paris. There's just far too much demand, and the places go on a needs basis.

Actually, I'm fine with that: my gardienne has a DS the same age as my DD and as another little girl in our building. Quite clearly being shut up in the loge all day wouldn't have done anything at all for his development, and his need was far greater than that of children who have a reasonably-sized apartment which could accommodate both nounou and child(ren) in the day time if need be.

Anna, I have always wondered about your Parisian/French (?) world - it is never quite clear. I find it rather difficult to reconcile.

Did not know you were mixing with hoi polloi at the school gates

You get one more month of maternity leave for breastfeeding if your paediatrician agrees to sign you off for it and if you don't think it will damage your PR at work.

AuldAlliance - for a second there I thought you meant this! and was . Then I was like, well - whatever works!

At my DD's school there are quite a lot of parents who really struggle to pay the fees - who are housing a family of five in a two-bedroom flat etc in order to pay them, just because they think that the school will give them something above and beyond what the local state school will (and they are quite right). That's one of the things I like about the school.

There are several reforms afoot, Franca: teacher training is to be altered radically, with the upshot being that many schools will probably recruit underqualified staff on short-term contracts, rather than those who have the concours. And even those who get the concours will in actual fact be less qualified than their current counterparts.

And there is also a plan to scrap maternelle because it's expensive (or, as the current Minister put it, because it's silly paying teachers to change nappies. Shows how much he knows, as most French kids aren't in nappies at maternelle and the teachers do really good stuff with them). The maternelle would be replaced with jardins d'enfants, run by municipal staff, funded at local level, and they would be playgroups.

Would you let me know what's going on in Italy, Franca? Not here, obviously, as I'm hijacking enough, but offsite, by e-mail? I'm really curious, because the bods in charge here keep claiming that they're aligning France with the rest of Europe and as far as we can tell that means shafting the system...

My favourite French babycare book

I agree that Pernoud is the most comprehensive and regularly updated guide for new parents.

OSOTC & Anna - Here in Monaco, maternelles will not accept any children not yet totally toilet trained into petite section. That is, September of the year they turn 3, they are all propre. Halte garderie was OK with nappies. They don't take kids older than 3, though.

AA - my DP is quite thick with the head of the DSSs collège and they have long conversations about management. The head of the collège cannot wait to be able to recruit staff on short-term contracts.

Penthesileia: excellent! I meant this. Much duller...

Yes, re the BF, you get one month extra if you find a doctor who will agree to give you sick leave (claiming you are unwell, not stating that you are BF, btw).

Anna, I bet he can't. Just wait till he sees the abysmal level many of them will have, though.
Interesting you say that, though, because Darcos flatly denies that that will be the effect of his reform...