Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DD 7 wks won't settle and I'm just getting so. f***ed. off with listening to her cry. HELP.

105 replies

kookiegoddess · 12/11/2008 19:36

WHy am I getting so angry instead of feeling compassion for my crying baby? I just am so fed up of watching her almost fall asleep while I soothe her and then watching her wake herself up again. I cannot bear sitting for 20 min stretches waiting for her to stop crying. I do it but it makes me want to scream.

Am I crazy to be asking her to learn to self soothe now? I am attempting to shush her to sleep with my hands laid on her tummy and legs.

SO FRUSTRATED AND FED UP. I'm on my own as husband works all the hours under the f*ing sun, that won't change and I'm not getting on with my mum, brother too young to help. I just wish she wouldn't cry every time I swaddle her to go to sleep when we do the same thing EVERY 3 Hours - when do they learn that it's always going to be the same? WHEN?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CoolYourJets · 12/11/2008 19:38

Try just going with the flow. Honestly, it takes the pressure off and you are clearly going mental trying to shoehorn her into a routine.

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:38

oh I feel for you, I really do.
ds2 was like this. is she like it often? or is this a one off?
colic peaks at around 7-8 weeks, and while it is hell on earth at the time, it WILL end, and it never seems quite so bad once you're out the other side

do you have a sling or anything you could put her in and see if that helps?
does white noise help? we had one of those heartbeat bear things that helped a little bit along with swaddling and rocking and shushing

MrsMattie · 12/11/2008 19:39

Hi kookie. I really, really feel for you, but my honest opinion is that she is just too young to be falling asleep by herself. Others will no doubt come along and say their baby was falling asleep alone at 4 weeks and it was all down to Gina Ford or whoever, but I honestly believe they were just bloody lucky. Personally, I wouldn't make it so hard on yourself so early on (I did with my first abby and in retrospect I wish I hadn't). . Do whatever it takes to get her to sleep - feed, rock, cuddle, sling, co sleep - whatever. The whole 'rod for your own back' thing doesn't apply to such small babies, I don't think. Be kind to yourself and choose the easiest option always at this stage in the game.

Good luck xx

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:39

oh and yes, you ARE crazy for asking her to learn to self-soothe, but we all wish for that, so you're definitely not alone.

I had times of having to call dp home from work because I Just couldn't cope iwth the crying and could feel myself getting angry with ds, it's scary

ChairmumMiaow · 12/11/2008 19:39

I know its hard when you're tired but 7 weeks is very little to start to self soothe. (Yes some just do it, but others don't!)

Give yourself - and her - a break and cuddle her off to sleep for a while longer. You can try letting her self-soothe when she's a bit older, but 7 weeks is very little to cry for 20 minutes.

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:40

btw, also wanted to add... she may be overtired. I don't think that either of mine were doing 3 hour stretches awake at that age.

Original poster

kookiegoddess · 12/11/2008 19:40

She wouldn't settle for nap this aft and now not settled for eve. so annoyed with not being able to eat, unpack shopping, too f*ing dark to go out for a walk , just want to cook dinner (I enjoy cooking and it USED to be my relaxation) and have a glass of wine. The crying just gets in my head and I hear it even when she's not crying.

THIS IS SO HARD.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:41

ooh and another thing, sorry this is so disjointed.

if you can soothe her virtually asleep then carry on! when you think she is asleep, don't leave. you have to wait until they're in a really deep sleep before you can stop the soothing you're doing otherwise they will wake up again.
you need at least 5-10 minutes after she drops off of carrying on whatever you are doing until she is all limp and def in a deep deep sleep

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:42

i bet it's overtiredness if she didn't sleep in the afternoon either.

MrsMattie · 12/11/2008 19:42

Also wanted to add - it's pretty normal to feel a range of emotions when your baby cries, and anger/frustration is definitely one of them (I also had my Dh coming home from work urgently because I was climbing the walls with the crying ). Thing is - that's kind of the reaction it's supposed to have in order to make you pick her up .
Early motherhood is bloody exhausting. Big (un-MN-like_) hugs to you.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/11/2008 19:42

DD went to sleep on her own DS doesn't, I find that I have to get organised, his feed, book, drink for me, remote and then feed him, he then nods off and fater about 30 mins I can put him down for a bit, and to be honest I love that time when I physically can't do anything, routines happen when they are older.

Original poster

kookiegoddess · 12/11/2008 19:43

I just broke my own rules and let her go on boob to fall asleep, (because she wouldn't go down to sleep) and then put her down and she has woken up again. It's just so annoying when they wake up from being apparently sound asleep.

Are there any other control freaks out there who have felt like this? what can I do to let go of my desire to run things/organise/ensure that things go to routine?

My god she appears to have cried herself to sleep. oh no there she goes again.

OP posts:

Original poster

kookiegoddess · 12/11/2008 19:44

am feeding her every 3 hrs then putting her down to sleep as soon as she is winded and swaddled.

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 12/11/2008 19:45

Hmmmm. Honestly. ^Honestly. I would just feed her on demand and soothe her to sleep and forget all about routines. But that's just me. Rigid routines just set you up for failure.

Habbibu · 12/11/2008 19:46

Thisisyesterday's tip a very good one - dd used to seem to be asleep, but would wake 2 mins after I left the room - if I held her for a good 5-10 mins after I was sure she was asleep, she would then sleep for longer. It is hard when you're so tired, but she's too little to "learn" to self-settle just now - some babies seem to do it naturally, and some really don't, and with them it's best just to do what they need for quite some time...

countingto10 · 12/11/2008 19:46

Try turning the hairdryer on next to her. I used to swaddled mine quite tight and then left the hairdryer on until asleep.A friend of mine even had her DH make a recording of her hairdryer because it worked so well.

meandmyjoe · 12/11/2008 19:47

Go with it, it will pass. it's tiring and draining but it won't last forever. i have NEVER EVER known a 7 week old who doesn't do this and I have never known a baby just drift off to sleep on his/her own at this age. I found a way to feed my ds to sleep which worked really well for us and it removed all the crying and he slept through for 12 hours at 10 weeks. Naps were always a struggle and he had to either be fed or rocked to sleep til 12 months (sorry I know that's not what you want to hear). On a brighter note, it does end and what is so wrong with rocking/ feeding your baby to sleep? I guess it's easy for me to say now though but I really don't think a baby of this age is capable of self soothing, she is so young. It will pass. DS NEVER settled himself to sleep day or night til 12 month but now goes down beautifully and still sleeps through and takes 2 naps a day, no crying, no rocking, no feeding to sleep. I still put him sleeping through down to him feeling secure and knowing that I would feed him back to sleep if he needed me to (I also think luck played a huge part in it though!). Most babies need help getting to sleep, especially in the day.

thisisyesterday · 12/11/2008 19:47

ahhh well therein lies your problem

breastfed babies are not designed to be fed on a schedule. they have tiny tums and need feeding little and often.

try feeding on demand and soothing her to sleep however necessary. it'll be a lot easier than trying to force her to sleep when she is hungry, or not tired, or too tired because it's too long since her last nap

FiveGoMadInDorset · 12/11/2008 19:48

Please don't feed when you think she needs feeding, she is 7 weeks old. It is hard.

scorpio1 · 12/11/2008 19:48

Are you feeding her enough/often? does she even like swaddling?

I wouldnt leave such a small baby to cry herself to sleep or self settle if she is crying, too small to know yet. (i have had 3 babies...)

Try not to get too cross. She wants you, thats all. Feed, snuggle up with her, do you bath every night? that will help.

Wind?

meandmyjoe · 12/11/2008 19:48

Oh and the anger you feel is normal in my pinion, as long as you don't take it out on her don't feel guilty. It's frustrating but it does get better when you just go with it and expect her to do this if you see what I mean? The higher the expectations you have, the more anger you will feel when you 'fail'.

scorpio1 · 12/11/2008 19:49

If she is BF you need to write routine off for a while yet. Day and night

eekamoose · 12/11/2008 19:50

Kookie, its just that she is only 7 weeks and she wants to be held all the time.

It seems interminable now, but she will grow out of this phase.

Its frustrating that you can't stop and cook and have wine but you will be able to one day soon.

scorpio1 · 12/11/2008 19:50

this is typical growth spurt age for BF baby btw. Is she your first?

scorpio1 · 12/11/2008 19:51

BF babies often cluster feed; dd used to for about 3 hours, on/off an evening

Get some food that you can eat from a plate next to you - even sandwiches, you can have wine after feeding her as a 'reward'

I know how hard it is doing it mostly alone, i really do

Flip

1 2 3 4 5