DD 7 wks won't settle and I'm just getting so. f***ed. off with listening to her cry. HELP.

[kookiegoddess]

WHy am I getting so angry instead of feeling compassion for my crying baby? I just am so fed up of watching her almost fall asleep while I soothe her and then watching her wake herself up again. I cannot bear sitting for 20 min stretches waiting for her to stop crying. I do it but it makes me want to scream.

Am I crazy to be asking her to learn to self soothe now? I am attempting to shush her to sleep with my hands laid on her tummy and legs.

SO FRUSTRATED AND FED UP. I'm on my own as husband works all the hours under the f*ing sun, that won't change and I'm not getting on with my mum, brother too young to help. I just wish she wouldn't cry every time I swaddle her to go to sleep when we do the same thing EVERY 3 Hours - when do they learn that it's always going to be the same? WHEN?

Honestly - let her feed to sleep - really. I worried stupidly about this until my mum, a nursery nurse with 50 years's experience of babies said "Look. She's warm, she's full, she's cuddled up against you. Of Course she's going to fall asleep." And she was right - it's nature.

Feed on demand, feed/cuddle her to sleep and glare at any fool who mentions "bad habits". DD fed to sleep until she gave it up herself at about 8 months. She's now 2, and sleeps brilliantly, day and night. Just cuddle your baby until she's deeply asleep, and for a while longer - it's much easier to do what she needs while she's so wee.

'Bad habits' are rubbish at this age

Mimi was exc BF (is nearly 7 months) and i did it all 'wrong' - fed to sleep, picked her up loads, etc

She is a 12 hour sleeper now, eats tons (BLW) and is very happy to play alone and self settle at night/day naps

Are you there? Doing ok still? You have done well to even ask for help

Totally agree with the other posters - give yourself a break. Just do whatever works - rock her, push her in pram, hold her, feed her etc at the moment. I think she's way too young to learn how to self-soothe at the moment.

It's really hard but she is her own person and it's going to be very difficult to force her into a routine if it doesn't suit her. Obviously you can try but I think it might just make you both miserable.

I think you need to go with the flow a bit - even if it runs counter to your nature. Personally, I always found it useful to try and run through a checklist with my DD about crying - is she hungry / tired / hot / cold / wet and try and respond accordingly. If she's not crying for ages, you'll feel better. It's not easy and I used to feel hugely frustrated too - still do sometimes. Good luck.

feed her to sleep - she is far too young to self settle. I know it's hard but at the moment, your only "job" is feeding her. Sleep when she sleeps, feed her whenever she asks - this phase will pass. Honestly.

think I get so pissed off because I CAN'T drop everything and just hold her all the time, she just gets hacked off because she wants to feed (she takes 45 min to feed so I know when she's had enough. I would love nothing more than to indulge her all the time but I need to know that I can get a bit of me time every day.

It's gone quiet again. I feel like shit for letting her cry this long.

Sympathy though - know the "OH JUST STOP BLOODY CRYING" feeling very very well... You do get to cook again, I promise. Maybe not straight way, but you do.

why can't you? forget housework, etc, just concentrate on eating and feeding the baby.

Honestly it does pass, it is hard, but make those 2 thingsa priority. in the beginning of bf, i couldn't even shower until 10pm.

Maybe some ready meals may help? Will she have EBM when DH is home?

Have you tried a sling? I know it doesn't help the me time thing, but it will let you get some stuff done. That said, screw the housework...

Also, white noise is fab - put hoover on!

DD3 is my third and 17 weeks, she is fed to sleep but recently you can spot her sleep cues and put her down awake.

All my 3 were fed to sleep, rocked, coslept. She sometimes has to have a cry as I have 2 other DDs to contend with.

At this age forget making a rod for your own back , routines, bad habits just do whatever it takes to settle her and get the most sleep yourself.

She was in your body 7 weeks ago she wants to be close to you to feel safe it's all she knows.

I offer DD3 a boob every 2 hours unless she is asleep during the day.

get a proper sling.
a nice stretchy wrap like a moby is perfect for a newborn.
mine was an absolute lifesaver because ds2 screamed blue murder ALL the time if put down.

you CAN drop everything, even though it seems impossible. put yourself and your baby first. housework doesn't matter, just make sure you 2 are ok

She is so tiny. She just wants you. It is really hard but don't leave her to cry at such a tiny stage it won't work.

please feed her as long and as often as she WANTS
maybe she doesn't like being swaddled

shes tiny
just rock, cuddle, feed, snuggle, boob to sleep whenever she wants
that is what you do with tiny babies
do what they want, answer there asks and routines come later
beleive me you do not want to reret what you did when she was tiny because you were trying to force her into a routine
she is tiny

dont make it a rule that she shouldn't fall asleep on the boob
that is heaven for her
just exactly what she wants and so I beleive what she needs please just go with the flow

None of mine would ever be swaddled all they wanted was held

I seem to breed fiesty little women

Hold her please don't leave her to cry she only wants her Mummy

I would agree - follow the baby. You won't spoil her. My DD fed to sleep for 10 months, almost every sleep. Now, after a few nights of a few nights of difficulty, she goes to sleep beautifully by herself at night. I still feed her for naps, but that's because we're re-sorting the timing of them.

Poor you it's really hard in the first few weeks.
However if she wants to fall asleep on the boob i would. Get in a few take aways and have a glass of wine whilst she is asleep on you.
Routines can come in later for both of you. You do get to know their cues but it takes time and you need to follow her lead rather than imposing a routine on her. Just makes it that bit more bearable.

Seven weeks !!! [shock}

The poor little lamb was inside you safe and secure for nine months......

Take it from me, a fellow control freak, this is not about you, it is about your baby.

Go with the flow, it will mess up all your plans for now. But pay dividends ultimately.

'it takes 45 mins for her to feed'
so you know when she has had enough????

how do you know when she has had enough COMFORT

That is a need for babies too

how can you tell she doesn't have a little wind pain?????

What aboiut the fact that ONLY 7 weeks ago she was INSIDE you

she only knows being that close to your heart, smell, sound
that is her life, she wants you to feel safe and comforted
just screw everything else and snugle down with your baby and feed, cuddle and rest

YOu are going to have to let go of housework, cooking etc. It won't be forever.

It is sooo hard but try to keep in mind what everyone else has been saying..this stage WILL be over before you know it and when you look back in a few months I promise it will seem like it was no time at all. In the scheme of things it really isn't. You will get your evenings back but your DS will never need you as much as she does now. Try and think of it as making the most of the opportunity to just cuddle her and be there for her - resign yourself to giving up evenings spent cooking for a while and hopefully you will get less stressed when you can't do that - if and when you can it will then be a bonus to be enjoyed! Plenty of time for instilling a routine later....and if you are cross with your DH for not being around enough (I know how that feels ), try not to project it onto DD who is only doing what most babies that age do. Good luck.

Excellent advice from everyone here. Follow it, please. I was like you with my first baby and have not very nice memories of her first 3 months. I did things completely different with my other two and have great memories of when they were tiny. It seems like it goes on forever at this stage but it'll be over before you know it and you may regret (like I do now) that I didn't drop everything and concentrated on just snuggling up to my baby and feeding her as much as she needed. Good luck. I know it's very hard.

Kookiegoddess you're not indulging your baby by feeding her or picking her up - you are responding to her needs. Unfortunately for you her needs are pretty big at the moment. It does get easier though - you're so close to the magical 12 weeks where it seems to settle down a bit. I can remember gritting my teeth and literally counting the days until we got there. People say it gets easier, you think 'when?' and then it just does.

Have you got any friends that can come and give you some support during the day? Or do you know any other local Mums - just going out for a coffee and talking to others who are going through the same thing can help a lot and make you feel like you've got a tiny bit of life beyond nappies and feeding.

rereading the op
I'm afraid you realllly need to stop with the 3 hour thing

what makes you think she can cope with being awake for 3 hours
who decided on three hopurs

how about you feel and listen to your tiny baby and see what she likes

get sometakeaways, ignore the housework
and just ciddle, feed to sleep, hold, stroke and rest with your baby

you will start to see her own little cues for tiredness and her own little routine will become apparent
honestly how could you even think that just because you do it every three hours that she is oing to somehow 'get it'

she isn;t messing with you or trying to piss you off
she teeling you to hold her

and forget 3 hours.......

i cant go 3 hours without drink/snack

is that GF routine?