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Original poster

3 moth old not sleeping

43 replies

green77 · 18/10/2008 21:23

I am having some problems with my 3 month old, she will not nap in the day and we cannot get her to go down to sleep in the evening before we go to bed, when we finally get her to sleep she will through until 5ish. My real problem is in the day time and going to bed at baby bed time ie 7.30. She will sleep in her swing but only for 20mins or so, and I don't like to leave her swinging away for too long. No matter how sleepy she is as soon as she touches the mattress she is awake and crying - really screaming. We tried controlled crying - she gets so worked up. Any suggestions?? My husband and I really want to reclaim our evenings.

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scorpio1 · 18/10/2008 21:26

3 months is very small; how long are you expecting her to sleep... 7-7? Thats too long IMO at this age.

How are you feeding?

The baby bed time of 730 ish happens later IMO

Original poster
green77 · 18/10/2008 21:35

I might not of explained it properly. I don't expect 7-7 but just that she goes to sleep in the evening. I would then feed her as normal during the night. I am breast feeding. I worry as all the other babies of this age that we know seem to have fairly regular naps and sleep in the evening and our little girl just seems to get overtired.

OP posts:
SilkCutMama · 18/10/2008 21:37

3 months is very young to expect sleeping at this time imo - you prob won't be able to get inot a routine until about 6 months
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news

Congrats by the way

You may wish to try batheing her morning and night for a few days - apparently, this changes their days and nights around and may make the venings easier but I can;'t guarantee that she will slepp better

My ds who is 3 and a half is yet to sleep through the night so I am not really qualified to be on this thread

SalLikesCoffee · 18/10/2008 21:56

I've got a six months old lovely boy and he still wakes up for feeds at least twice a night (and I suspect this may continue for a while). Don't compare your dd to other babies as they all differ.

For daytime naps, try rocking her in your arms or over your shoulder, and if she falls asleep there, keep her in your arms or wherever if needs be for a start. She's way too young to pick up bad habits, and perhaps that way she can get over the "over tiredness", which might help with her falling asleep at night. You've probably heard this already, but someone told me that "the more they sleep, the more they sleep", and that was definitely the case for us.

BigBadMouseInHauntedHouse · 18/10/2008 22:05

I'm honestly quite surprised you have friends who have reclaimed their evenings with such young babies - IME that is certainly not the norm.

3mo really is too young for controlled crying.

My DS is 20wo he goes to bed when I do and wakes up regularly every night. He sometimes sleeps in the evenings but only if I hold him - if I put him in his bouncy chair or his cot he will wake up. Some DCs just need that closeness to help them sleep and some can get by with very little sleep anyway.

This stage doesn't last for long believe me! At the time it feels like forever but you'll look back and realise it passes relatively quickly.

Sorry if that all sounds a bit harsh....

MurderousMarla · 18/10/2008 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twentynine · 18/10/2008 22:11

I have a 3 month old, he wakes every hour throughout the night and every two hours all day.

DD didn't sleep at all during the day and did similar at night - she must have had ten hours sleep in 24 until she was 10 months old!

It does pass though. Nothing we did helped, she just grew up and her tummy got bigger so she started to sleep.

Hang in there. Babies don't understand abandonment training controlled crying btw. Just because it's convenient to you to have your baby nap does not mean she's going to do it!

FangolinaJolly · 18/10/2008 22:11

I think she is doing really well to go 7.30 - 5.30 if I am honest.Probably not what you want to hear,but thats really good,actually.

It WILL settle,eventually,but maybe 3 months a bit early?

Re daytime,sadly they all differ.With ds I was smug mum as he had regular naps from early on.DD was a little bugger,though,and NEVER slept much more than 20 mins at first.She has 1.5 hour nap now though (Nearly 3) so it has got better

Hang in there,sadly we have no over control the little ones in the early stages,tis the other way round

FangolinaJolly · 18/10/2008 22:15

Just re-read op! You want her top go to bed at 7.30 but it is later

Thats normal!

It DOES get better eventually,honest

BigBadMouseInHauntedHouse · 18/10/2008 22:29

Sorry, I'm guessing most of this isn't much comfort to you . What do you want to do in the evenings that you feel you cannot do right now? Maybe we can suggest some compromises you can use until she is older.

Even though DS is with us all evening DH and I chat, watch TV together, read etc with him asleep on my lap. All three of us can cuddle up too. Housework and eating with 2 hands is out of the question for me though....

feelingbitbetter · 18/10/2008 22:31

Good God, don't get DS anywhere near ready for bed till at least 10.30 (18weeks). I'd also love to reclaim my evenings, but am happy to wait till DS is older. DP works all day and it is lovely that DS is ready to see him when he comes home. He's a bit crap at napping now, has been for about 4 weeks. Has a good nap in the morning, but 10-15mins here and there during the day. Each to their own and I am not at all preachy, but I don't want to put him in another room and let him cry. He is a very good baby (depite severe health problems) and not a great demand on my time re:crying. They'll soon be little people.Be patient, it'll be over before you know it.

Original poster
green77 · 18/10/2008 22:40

Thanks for messages, I think what i really needed was reassurance we were doing what best for dd, my instinct says love and cuddles whenever needed are best. I must have a rather exceptional peer group, in that all babies go to bed early, have felt big pressure to achieve this, makes me feel like I am failing somehow, head and heart fighting. We will try to embrace our freestyle life and enjoy her being so little. I type one handed as she snoozes on my chest ...bliss

OP posts:
FangolinaJolly · 18/10/2008 22:42

Aaah,enjoy those early days,green,they go so fast

Your peers are LYING!!:O

MurderousMarla · 18/10/2008 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feelingbitbetter · 18/10/2008 22:53

Yes, agree with fangolina, it's amazing how many mothers have babies that all seem to sleep from 7 till 7. Some of them say please and thank you too . Do as you are doing, sounds like you are doing an excellent job.

twentynine · 18/10/2008 23:02

Fangolina, not lying exactly but having selective hearing I think. If you quiz them you get 'well yes, he does cry in the night, but only for a few minutes'

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:03

?? reclaim evening pmsl and Controlled Crying.. do not get me started. I think you really must have had some niave thoughts about parenting. Sorry but i think that is all wrong. Baby is only 12 weeks old.

Personally i would just nurse baby when cries. THis CC is nonsense especially at such a young age. Babies dont cry to interrupt your evening they cry because they have a need. I would offer breast when babies wakes and crys and then work through the list (wind, nappy etc). If baby just wants a cuddle that is a 'need' too.

I am bfing ds2 (9 months) and it is so quick and easy just to pop him on the breast rather than leaving him to cry. Who says this is best for baby?

Follow natural instincts and not what you think you 'ought' to be doing in terms of all this CC crap.

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:05

sorry green - just seen your last post. You are right, just love and cuddles and enjoy. Ignore those other mums and cuddling them does NOT spoil them. Ds2 now happily asleep upstairs and I am down here. Some nights it works some nights he needs me more. Enjoy it and when baby wakes, remeber it is for a reason as they cant deliberately wake to stay up iyswim. x

tunasandwich · 18/10/2008 23:09

butttom, you are being mean...

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:13

tuna - no i am not, being honest. It is horrible being 1st time mum and thinking your kid should do x.y and z and having all that crap piled on about sleeping through, time for you and dp. Fact is that kids are 24 hour and that is how it is.

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:15

And all those mums who preen about their little cherubs who sleep through from day 1 are talking shite.

Just wait, baby hits 4 months and woo hoo growth spurt. IT isnt fair all the competitveness and the western view of how babies must be put in cages (cots) and carted around in wheels etc and that you cuddle a baby too much you spoil it...

tunasandwich · 18/10/2008 23:17

well i am one of those mums, dd slept thro 6 weeks 8-8 and ds 4 weeks 11 hours a night and naps in the day. so there to your shite

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:20

well bully for you. Why dont ou tell us all your secret to success then. (honestly). How often did you breastfeed? What was your routine

tunasandwich · 18/10/2008 23:24

ha ha,
both dc just choose not to feed anymore after that age.
I had a routine bath, bottle, bed.
yes we do have blips, holidays, sick etc but consistence is the key for us.

Yes me time with dh is great but obviously kids come first.

ButtonMeUp · 18/10/2008 23:29

Great, but never heard of a bf baby 'choosing 'not to feed after 4 and 6 weeks of age. The OP is bfing and breast milk isnt as heavy on the tummy as formula. And i think the overwhelming health benefits for mum and baby of breastmilk outweigh the need to make baby sleep through.

Oh and routine is great i agree.