What one thing does your dc say which makes you go ballistic?

[seeker]

Mine is "I forgot!" - (or, worse, "I forgot, all right?") said in a slightly accusing tone, said as if it should be a perfectly acceptable excuse and complete explanation for anything done, not done, damaged or left behind.

"In a minute"
"Yeah whatever"
What's for tea?" every single evening without fail
"You're horrible" - to me
"I know" - me to them
"You're so mean" - to me
"It's at school" when referring to glasses, homework diary, coats, pe kit, school shoes, homework, school jumpers etc etc
"Dunno"
"Sorry" with no eye contact
"He/she/they are wrecking my room"
"It's not fair"
"Not me, I haven't even been in that toilet because I went outside...." - that's fine then
"You're so harsh" - to me obviously
"I like big butts and I cannot lie..." - sung when being told off combined with a semi obscene dance

DS1 "I know Mother".... My son has decided to become a professional wizard. If any of you need advice, homework help, just ask him. He KNOWS.

DD "why should I?"
"But x has 3 mobile phones..."
"You're gay, Mum."
"It's because you're a geriatric, Mum" (Where did she learn that?)

DS age 3:

In response to doing something he doesn't want to do it's either

"My legs hurt" or "My hands hurt" or "I feel sick" or "I'll do it when I'm 4 years old".

Me: it's tidy up time!
DS1: OKAY I'LL JUST GET REALLY ILL THEN SHALL I!!

"You're not my mummy anymore"

"You know Thomas, he has two carriages called Annie and Clarabel" EVERY FECKING MORNING

"I SAID NO SINGING" everytime I so much as hum a tune

"I SAID...." when it's the first time he is saying it

My son 2.5 uses his swearing really well for example "Daddy wheres the F car?...Daddy look thats a F big aeroplane!"....
you ask him to do something and he just says i cant my legs hurt or you do it your my mummy..its amazing how they can never hear you unless you say chocolate...my daughter 10.9 thinks she is 26 she thinks cos i do it, say it and think it she can do the exact same thing but when challenaged she says well you do it so can i...or she looks at you like she has stood in some dog poo...
her favorite word at the moment is i dont know and she says that at everything ie "have you brushed your teeth?" " i dont know" " are you ready for school yet" " i dont know"... you see where im going....

so many familiar ones here. but the one thing that I absolutely cannot tolerate is being told I'm lazy.

me: can you clear your breakfast things from the table/hang your uniform up/make your bed/put your pens away please?

dds: why can't you do it? (or worse, with putting things away: I got them out so you should put them away. WTF?)

me: because I'm making your packed lunch/feeding the dog/folding all the washing

dd: no, it's because you're lazy.

this usually results in the kind of explosion that would be at home in a 70s cold war film .

" I'm not your SERVANT"
When I've asked them to pick up the clothes chucked on the floor, take their plates into the kitchen, clean out the hamsters or feed the dog...
No,...and I'm not bloody yours either
Drives me insane.

this thread has done me the world of good. I've just read it through again and virtually everything on here is familiar. I've been really down about it recently - constant whiney voices, constant accusations of favouritism, constant inability to complete simple tasks when asked. and my inability to cope with it all. It has really been getting me down. It's been driving me to all sorts of horrible conclusions about me and my daughters. and I;ve spent the last week composing threads in my head about how my family is utterly dysfunctional, and I'm awful, and my children are appalling. but perhaps we're just normal. thank you thank you thank you.

LOL. I did all of the above to my Mum and still do.43 years of hell being my Mum Ha! Ha!

"Just one sec!" from ds1 and ds2 any time they're asked to do anything and yes, ds3 is now starting it as well, thanks to the shining example of his older brothers!

What is it about not being allowed to sing? DD has picked up (..) hey? from the Simpsons. So I say "do you want water?" "water, hey". etc....

"What the HECK?" from all 3 (ages 7, 7, 5) not sure where that's from!!

5 minutes after we've stepped out of the door to go to school..."Mummy have you remembered my....newspaper article for news / hockey kit / permission slip / to ring up x's mum for a playdate / shared lunch for today ?" and then "Mummy WHY can't you EVER remember?" when I say it's their responsibility to remind me sooner!!!

Hatwoman, I think you're just normal. Almost everything on here is familiar to me too!

The servant thing also struck home! From DD1 - "You don't want a child, you want a SLAVE"
This is usually in response to me asking something very difficult and time-consuming ....like "will you put your crisp packet in the bin?"

Grrrr!

Teenage sighs and rolling of eyes from an 8 year old. Stupid non-language made up between the brothers and Simpson "Dohhh"!! And are the words fart, willie and wee REALLY so funny???

Running commentary on bowel movements. His or mine.

DD (age 3): Mummy, I've just done one poo, but I'm gonna do another one in a minute so they can be friends. Did you hear that plop Mummy? I might need a wee wee as well. I'm doing another poo right now mummy...listen it's going to plop in a minute....." etc etc

or

"Mummy, are you doing a poo or a wee? Are you gonna do the poo first? I just heard you plop mummy! Are you going to do another one mummy? What about a wee mummy? You can do that after all your plops if you want..." etc etc

oh pmsl at the slave and teh crisp packet and the running commentary on toilet activities. marvellous

I gave my supposedly bright, articulate 10-year-old DD the challenge of describing something that had happened at school without using the words 'like,' 'went,' 'go,' 'well' and 'you know.'
As in: " well me and Bethan were, like, going down this, like corridor type thing, and, you know, um, like, Miss Smith came up, you know and, like, went 'can you two give me a hand?' So we go OK, and like, it was well cool."
THIS DRIVES ME MAD. She's turning into "am I bovvered?" before my very eyes.

Ds, nearly 2, says 'what' when I talk to him A friend of mine thought it was funny and encouraged him - not happy

I keep getting sore legs
I TOLD you Mummy (e.g. this morning when she spilled cereal on her legs and apparently it was my fault for letting her )
I'm just coooommming (when I have called her 5 times and she's ignored me)

i didn't mean to

it's an automatic response, i get it from the 15yr old, the 12 yr old and now it's coming out of the (nearly)3 yr olds mouth.... i think i'll leave home when the baby starts saying it too.

i hate the 'i can't find it' but the 'i didn't mean to' is 100times worse (although sometimes it becomes 'i didn't mean it')

"in a minute"
"I'm bored"
"It's boring"
"I don't want to"
"I don't like that anymore" (DS#2)
"we never get to do/eat that"

dd sometimes calls me "your highness" when I ask her to do something

I HATE when my dcs drop the "t"s in a word
ie:

"Mummy can i have some wa'er"

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

"But dad said we could.."

Grrrr - irritates me so much when they try to play us off each other!

current battle ground with 20 month old is coming down the stairs - "come downstairs LO, lets (insert what one hopes is a tempting activity)" DD runs off down corridor. "Come down LO" DD runs back to top of stairs. "Can you come down here with mummy please?" DD sits down and starts shouting NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW

Bit of a flashpoint in our house at the moment.....

You have my sympathy, Rempy. DS is 2 later this month and would much rather hunt for the cat/hide in our wardrobe/climb under his bed than come downstairs with me.

'I don't know' is one that pisses me off - whilst looking at you with an expression that reads 'You are shit, your rules are shit and I think so little of you that I didn't bother to follow them!'

This applies to DD - who at 8 years old is totally snooty to me at the moment - although that is down to XH - it being all fun fun fun there with no rules - here you would think she lives in a bloody dictatorship!

DS just shouts Poo Pie at you very loadly if he feels you are being unjust. (Frankly it is hilarious but I try my hardest not to laugh!)