I want to co-sleep but have some questions...

[Ginni]

My partner and I are keen to try out co-sleeping to help us bond with our daughter (btw she's still in-utero, due in Jan!). My main concerns might sound silly, but I would really like some advice if possible. I'm worried about the bedding. I know newborns aren't supposed to have a pillow or duvets at all, so how do you make up your bed so there is a spot for your baby while you and your partner can remain warm under the covers? Is it simply a case of putting her at the edge of the bed (the edge which is pushed right up against the wall!) with no pillow and duvet over her, and then making an effort through the night to make sure the duvet doesn't cover her. Also, if she was in a cot I know the advice is to put her so her feet are at the bottom of the bed with room around her head to circulate. So by the same logic is it advisable to put her about a meter from the top of the bed?

I am aware this question might sound silly as I am writing it, but I am genuinly concerned and want to make sure i'm doing the right thing to ensure her safety.

See if you can order Three in a bed by Deborah Jackson...it's brilliant.

bluebutterfly I really wanted one of those but they weren't available in the UK at that time. I would get one if I had another DC.

Same here ColumboWCP - didn't have them when ds was born either so I am making the purchase now that I have a new excuse .

I am very excited about dc too because it gives me a chance to put into practice a bunch of things that I learned from the 1st time round, particularly as I used to get up and go into ds's room to bf from about 6 months and it did not help my own sleep pattern at all. As I said a bit nervous about having baby in the bed, but really keen to have the new dc close for bfing (and cuddling} so that we all sleep better!

not sure if I meant

dc, too,...

or

dc two

Bluebutterfly, that's a bit like the cot we had from John Lewis. Except yours looks more versatile - ours was just a wooden cot with a removable side.

Bluebutterfly - I have an armsreach.
I got the 'mini' - it folds up into it's own carry bag for staying at other people's houses. I think it's a brilliant thing except I am v v rubbish at putting babies into it. The mattress is not v comfy though - I ordered another one to place on top which has made it much comfier. You can get the exact dimensions at babymattressesonline.co.uk. It also has a v handy storage compartment underneath for bedding or whatever and you can store all your nappies and wipes in the pockets. Mine is 2.5 yrs old now and still looks new (prob cos it isn't used - ha ha) - even tho I don't put babies in it much, it is a real security thing for rolling-out-of-bed fears.
Not sure if the normal one is better but the 'mini' suits me fine. It's a great product!

I have started co-sleeping with dd 9mths just recently as I've returned to FT work just as her sleeping hit almost an all time low - now that I have her in with me I feel much more rested.

HOWEVER I'm feeling really worried having read this thread, not sure if what I am doing is safe...

I have a standard (pretty small really) double bed, with a memory form mattress (that is one bit that is worrying me).

DH has been kicked out for now as I can't get back to sleep for his snoring!

DD starts the night in her cot, but I'll bring her in with me anywhere between 10pm and 3am and she stays with me until the morning. I feed her lying down 2 or 3 times.

She is in a grobag, which I put on top of the quilt, her head at boob level but she is not close to me unless she is feeding (and when she finishes feeding she always rolls off and lies on her side with her back to me).

I am under the quilt as normal, with it pulled up quite high (another worry?). I have her cot pulled up against one side of the bed, and a Mothercare bedguard on the other, but obviously there are still gaps.

When I feed obviously I pull the quilt down, but when she's finished I pull it back up (if I am still awake).

Does that sound ok?

I know I am fairly in tune with her, as I seem to wake just as she is stirring each time, BUT sometimes I've woken up to find I'm eg lying with my back to her, so I've obviously turned over, and that worries me too.

I think the fact that she's 9 mths old means that you don't need to worry nearly as much. I only had a double bed for DS but have now got a KS for DD as I couldn't get hubby out
I would maybe investigate the memory foam thing - they don't recommend it but she is 9 mths old now so not sure if it matters any more. If she's on top of the quilt then it doesn't matter how high up you have the quilt pulled I wouldn't imagine.
I would be tempted to put another bed guard at the side where the cot is unless it's a proper bedside cot which is attached and can't move. Esp at the age where she will be rolling and crawling and stuff.
Just my opinon (so it's prob wrong! )

all credit due to you mums, but personally I don't know how you get any sleep at all co sleeping. I couldn't sleep in the one position like that and would find the cuddle curl position impossible to sleep in. I can't sleep except almost on my front.

Macaco - you have a point. There are nights when it's more co than sleep. Why do children like to get in a horizontal position.

There is a chapter in Laurie Lee's Cider with Rosie where he talks about the sorrow of not being able to sleep in his mother's bed for the rest of his life. New baby sleeps with mother, next baby arrives and takes over. You get booted out to sleep with brothers and sisters. When did the fashion for children sleeping alone start? I guess poorer people all slept together and middle and upper class children usually had the nurse or nanny sleep in the nursery with them.

Ah of course. I have sometimes thought of putting myself in a cage so I can read a paper without someone trying to eat it.

Thanks sasamax - v useful advice!

my compromise on this issue- i have a crib which attaches to my bed so effectively baby is sleeping with us, just in her own space. its called babybay and i got it from babyconciege. there is also the arms reach co sleeper & other bedside crib which are similar.

www.babybay.info/cms/front_content.php?idcatart=70

www.babyconcierge.co.uk/baby bay-original.ir?cName=nursery-furniture-bedside-cribs-baby-bay

we co slept with both ds's. ds1 (2yrs) moved intp his own bed with no problems and occasionally comes in with us, which is lovely. ds2 (4 months) has been in with us since birth. he goes in his cot for the 1st part of the night then comes in with us between 11-2 then stays and feeds when he likes. we have a ks bed now but only had a normal double with ds1. we also have a cossatto bedside cot here
i love co sleeping, i sleep most of the night and get to wake up with my lovely family all snuggled up in the same bed!

oh yeah we have a double quilt, more over dh and just to the edge of my side, ds is in a babygro ( we have a very cold house and he doesnt like grobags) on top of the quilt and i have another thiner quilt at the bottom of the bed to pull up and cover my back when hes on the inside boob (hope that makes sense!?)

do read 3 in a bed, its great

We co-slept for 2 months and no problem with duvet because it was summer . we put baby on a bath towel for leaks and heat. Sometimes ds still ends up in our bed, we put it in his grobag. Don't worry too much about crushing the baby, you're very much aware of him even while sleeping, just like you're aware of your husband/partner!

Co-sleeping is great for winter babies...BFing is dehydrating and having the heating on at night is horrible for that, so you can keep each other warm. Nothing is better for teaching your newborn the difference between day and night, the look on peoples faces when I told them DD2 was asleep between 8 and 8 at a few days old was priceless...obviously she ate but otherwise, alseep!
I wore cosy PJS and swaddled LO, duvet up to my chest.

That letter in the Guardian on Saturday was so sad. It actually made me very to feel that that mother was made to feel that it was something unsafe she'd done that had caused her baby to die, but in fact surely there is no evidence at all that that was the case? From what she's said the baby was not under the duvet, the parents were not in a deep sleep, and the baby was cradled in the crook of her mother's arm so she was protected - and yet the authorities refused to ascribe the death to SIDS because the baby was not in her own cot?

This article is about the benefits of sharing sleep with your baby
www.llli.org/NB/NBNovDec07p244.html

i loved co sleeping.ds2 grew out of it before we did-
we had this arrangement-matress on floor,baby safe room.ds on one side of bed,my in middle,dh on other side.i slept with duver tucked under me and my pillow long ways so no risk of ds going on it.ds wore grobag.lovely memories.

Hi Ginni

We have co-slept with all 3 of ours, the youngest turned 2 at the end of June. Here are what I consider to be the main safety features of co-sleeping.

Never co-sleep if you have been drinking, smoking or on any form of drugs, prescribed or otherwise.

Put cot sides on your bed all the way round, babys do travel sometimes and they can fall out.

Dont have any gaps between the bed and the wall if you are putting it against the wall, baby can fall down the gap and be trapped.

Keep your baby at the top of the bed with bedding below her shoulders. I used to do this by, when they were little sleeping, with my arm under them as if I was carrying them. This also keep them from disturbing dad too much. You can buy little beds that helps to keep them in place in your bed, if you need any info about these let me know.

Adjust their clothing. As it will be hotter in bed with you and your husband than with the baby on its own use lighter sleepwear, for example none of mine ever slept in baby grows as they got too hot. In summer mine just sleep in a vest or t shirt and nappy. I have always kept their feet bare as this helps to keep them cooler, mine also like putting their feet on me!

If you are planning on breastfeeding I find it far easier to move them to the side that they are feeding from instead of keeping them on one side and twisting my body so that they can reach the other breast.

Hope that these tips help.

Best wishes

I have co-slept with my little one since the day she was born and have never looked back, she is now 2.5 years old. Before deciding whether to co-sleep I read Three in a bed which expelleed any doubts I may have had about co-sleeping. The article in the guardian is very upsetting but there is no evidence to claim that she smothered the baby accidently. I believe that sleeping with your little one actually reduces the SIDS rate dramatically. As for breastfeeding my baby in bed I used place her on her side and feed her that way which I found quite safe.
AT the end of the day i think it is best to go with your own instincts and decide which method you would feel most comfortable with and adopt that approach.
Best Wishes

We co slept with ds since he was about 3 months old we started by putting his cot by the side of our bed with the side taken off so it was like an extention onto our bed then he would fall asleep on our bed and I would shuffle him onto his cot for the nightand I could feed him in the night without getting up.
We have an amby nest for our 2 week old dd and she will sleep 4-5 hours in thst then come into our bed when she needs feeding.
We just move the pillows and quilt into the middle of the bed and she sleeps on the end in my arms.
We have a superking size bed and it never feels cramped even when ds come's in for a cuddle in the morning, If you do co sleep the bigger the bed the better!

As an acient grandmother! may I add a word of warning!, Our house became like a continetal railway station at night.
As the children got older 3- 4- 5 they started to get out of their beds and wander into ours. the result was , that we all awoke in a different bed to the one we went to sleep in. Children are all different but be aware of the possiblities.

Co slept with all 3 of my boys, they all were very different fromm ds1 who had to be holding on to me at all times... as long as he could touch bare flesh he was fine,ds2 who liked to wrap himself around you and 3 who likes his own space,Two left our bed of their own accord, at 4years, 3 years and lo is still going between his 'tiny boys bed' and his 'big mummys bed' I found cosleeping a real pleasure, and made night feeds a breeze, as I really didnt have to move!