I want to co-sleep but have some questions...

[Ginni]

My partner and I are keen to try out co-sleeping to help us bond with our daughter (btw she's still in-utero, due in Jan!). My main concerns might sound silly, but I would really like some advice if possible. I'm worried about the bedding. I know newborns aren't supposed to have a pillow or duvets at all, so how do you make up your bed so there is a spot for your baby while you and your partner can remain warm under the covers? Is it simply a case of putting her at the edge of the bed (the edge which is pushed right up against the wall!) with no pillow and duvet over her, and then making an effort through the night to make sure the duvet doesn't cover her. Also, if she was in a cot I know the advice is to put her so her feet are at the bottom of the bed with room around her head to circulate. So by the same logic is it advisable to put her about a meter from the top of the bed?

I am aware this question might sound silly as I am writing it, but I am genuinly concerned and want to make sure i'm doing the right thing to ensure her safety.

[marchpoppy]

Sorry to resurrect a VERY old thread but, on searching, it seemed the most relevant one to what i want to ask.

I would like to co-sleep with my newborn, due any time soon. I co-slept 'accidentally' with my DS from 6 weeks - 2 years, because he hated the cot and found it very convenient for breastfeeding and much nicer for him.

However, as it's not so 'accidental' this time i have been reading up about it and am abit worried about the mattress in my family bed. It is new (as I recently moved house) but is a cheap, 'open spring' sort - like this:

www.affordablefurniturefurnishings.co.uk/gallery/double-mattress

I usually sleep with a duvet under me, as the bottom sheet because it's a bit more comfy - but would I need to avoid this with baby due to risk of overheating?

The pro-co-sleeping safety websites state that a 'firm' mattress should be used - I honestly don't know how to gauge this??

Also I have seen websites which say that adult mattresses can release toxic-to-babies fumes from the chemicals (especially fireproofing) used to treat them. This has me panicking, as I've no idea what chemicals are in my mattress - though it's perhaps no surprise these same websites are the ones advertising extremely expensive all-organic-cotton mattresses.

Any advice would be appreciated as to suitability of adult mattress in family bed for co-sleeping or what to lay the baby on, on top of my mattress (besides a sheet obviously).

THANKS IN ADVANCE

[lauraloola]

I have one of these and its fab. I know that there isnt a risk of rolling on my dd and she can have her own bedding.

She is 16 weeks old and still in. I also put it in her cot when she goes to bed and often move her back in with me after her morning feed.

[Ginni]

Hi stace30, I am curious to know whether you thought it was worth even getting the Amby after all? I get the impression that you hardly used it after the first few months? I've read some very good reviews of the Amby but would really like to hear your opinion being that you're co-sleeping regime was successful - seemingly the Amby was redundant? I am tempted to buy one based purely on the products own merits, but I know it doesn't fit in with the idea of co-sleeping - i'd like to be talked out of buying one by someone who co-sleeps and found the Amby wasn't much use to them!

Sorry for the waffle, very tired!

[stace30]

we have co slept with DS more or less from birth apart from using an Amby for a few months. he's still in with us now at almost 3 (yrs). many other parents we know look horrified when we tell them we do this but when i get comments on how confident/independent/secure/loving etc my DS is i know we made the right choice and none of the non co-sleeping, working dads we know seem to have as close a bond as my DH has with our son and my DH works stupidly long hours and hardly gets any one to one time with him.

we also sleep on a waterbed (not a free flowing one i must stress, it is stabilised so there is very little movement but still has all the weightless support of a freeflow bed, which virtually eliminates all the tossing and turning at night trying to get comfy as on a normal bed).

[GreenMonkies]

Ginni,

If you are co-sleeping (and breastfeeding) you won't need a breathing monitor. I hear all the changes in my DD's breathing and wake up if need be. It's one of the lovely reassuring things about co-sleeping, you tune into them and your sleeping brain ignores the normal noises they make (like regular breathing) and only wakes you if they start to breathe differently or need feeding!

[nappyaddict]

if you get a breathing monitor i can recommed the respisense ones. you clip it onto baby's nappy as opposed to putting a pad on the mattress. the pads are a bit useless cos if baby moves off it slightly it thinks the baby has stopped breathing. loads of mums i know have had unecessary scares with these sort.

[Ginni]

I've bought a bedside cot from e-bay, and also a snugglenest from Amazon, so i'll work out a co-sleeping sleeping arrangement using these to start with, and I guess i'll stop using the snugglenest when we feel more confident that things are going to be ok.

I'm still not entirely decided on the combination of blankets/ growbags etc to use, but I have the Three in a Bed book on it's way to me, so will have a read through that once it's arrived.

I've also been looking at breathing monitors and am pretty sure i'll get one of those too to be on the safe side - I am a natural worrier and can imagine myself spending nights watching my daughter to check she is still breathing! Does anyone have any recommendations on which one to get?

[canda]

Babaduck - you say you have an Aerosleep mattress topper and they look great. But I have no idea where to get them from - have looked for ages. Can you (or anyone else) let me know where you can get them? I have found baby cot mattress covers, but nothing you could use in an adult bed.

[nappyaddict]

i'd be scared of bouncing them off the bed!

[nooname]

Sorry to keep posting - but thought I should mention that ds is 2 and is still in our bed but I am 21 wks pg so it didn't stunt our sex-life that much!!

[nooname]

Hadn't read whole thread:

Re putting ds to bed - we have a bed-side cot so would put him down in there (that is when you could actually put him down to sleep - not for a few months at least!!) and lie with him til he went to sleep, then when he woke up he would come in the bed with us.

Sex - doesn't really happen in our bed, either downstairs or in spare room. Very rarely in bed when ds is fast asleep and wouldn't wake up if a bomb went off.

[nooname]

Sorry, should be "lots of THIN layers"

[nooname]

We co-slept with ds from birth as it was the only way any of us got any sleep.

My suggestions:

• Get blankets and a sheet instead of a duvet. Duvets are really not recommended because babies can overheat with them. With lots of think layers it is much easier to have more/fewer covers on you than the baby depending on how warm/cold they are. They also stay put much more easily than a duvet so are less likely to go over their face.

• If you are worried about rolling on the baby or them sliding down you could sleep cuddling them in one arm?

Although I have read that a mother will not roll on to her baby as she is so intuned with it (same not so for fathers/other carers so do be careful where the baby is in the bed - you might want him/her to be the other side of you from your partner.)

Co-sleeping was accidental in our case but is the best thing we ever did - it's so natural and definitely the easiest way of getting some sleep!

Good luck

[WonkaBar]

In answer to your questions...

say your lo goes to bed at 7 do you put them in your bed at 7 on their own or what? what happens if they roll off?

*This was/is actually a challenge for us, as our daughter is a great sleeper only IF we are with her, and only wants to sleep when we are there. I have just had to deal with the fact she is like that, and I don't know if it is because she co-sleeps. I am so jealous of all the parents who can put their kids down and then go up later. So yes, I have for the most part gone to bed with my kid around 8. Mostly I have been so exhausted I do not mind, but other times, especially now that she is older, it bothers me. We are just (at 18 mo) putting her down alone and only going to her when she wakes up to resettle her, prior to us going to bed. We have tried this before (at 10 mo and 15 mo) and had no real progress, so here is to third time is a charm.

also how do you have sex with a lo in the bed with you?

** We don't. We make due in other areas of the house.

[ludaloo]

I haven't read all the way through this thread as it has become fairly long, but after reading the OP and several below, I'd just like to add my opinion.

We co-slept with each of our 3 children.
DD1 co-slept until she was about 20 months.
DS arrived when DD1 was 2 years old, by which time she was happy in her own bed.
DS then co-slept until he was approximately 8 months, and was then moved in to the same room as DD1.
DD2 arrived when DS was 2 years old and DD1 was 4 years. (by which time both DD1 and DS were happy in their own room)
DD1 co-slept until she was 11 months.

All 3 of the children were co-sleeping until they stopped breast feeding.
(DD1 was 19 months when she stopped, DS was 7 months and DD1 was 11 months)

Both DH and I found co-sleeping to be by far the most comfortable, natural and convenient choice for us.

My only difference to your arrangement, was that I had a cot pushed up to the bed, at the same level as ours, rather than on to a wall. The cot was there to provide extra space should we need it.

Baby was never in the middle of us, as DH has a tendancy to roam!
They were next to me on the outside.
Sometimes I would move them over into the cot, to allow them and me to stretch out, sometimes they would fall asleep and stay right next to me.

Cover wise, when they were very small I slept under a blanket/throw while DH had the majority of the duvet and they had their own blanket.

Personally I think it depends on the individuals. Only you know yourself and your baby. If you are a heavy sleeper, then I would consider the cot next to the bed option too.
I am a very light sleeper and don't tend to move about too much. All 3 of my babies woke every 1 and a half to 2 hours for a feed until they were fairly old. It was definately easier than getting up to feed them. It was less disruptive for the entire family.

I have no regrets co-sleeping with any of my children. It was a very happy and relaxed time and I look back on the cuddles and feeds and closeness with much happiness.
My babies didn't wake screaming for feeds, they would stir and I'd automatically wake before they had to wait too long.
i also felt safer, as I knew straight away if they were cold/hot/breathing properly or upset for any reason.

I also didn't have any trouble making the transition from our bed to their own bed either...luckily. I do feel that that had a lot to do with the security they felt at night time and that they related sleep to a calm and content time. I now have a 3, 5 and 7 year old who all sleep in their own beds and are happy to do so. (although we do ocassionally have the odd visitor!)

As I say though, it is completely a personal choice, so you need to think about whether it will suit your family and your life.

For my dh and I, we felt it the most natural and comfortable thing to do. I just simply wanted my babies near me and I felt happier for doing so.

[GreenMonkies]

nappyaddict

If you don't have a bedside cot you need to put cot-sides or bolsters on your bed. But mine didn't "go to bed" by themselves until they are around a year old, so if they work before I was in bed with them they were still in the livingroom with me anyway. As for day time naps, well, they napped either in the sling, on my lap or in the reclined baby chair, in the livingroom (or where ever) with us, until they were about a year old too. The concept of seperate sleeping increasing the risk of SIDS includes day time naps too. until baby is at least 6 months they should be with you, awake or asleep, day and night. Lots of AP'ers/co-sleepers tend to continue this for longer.

For me, one of the other perks of the bedside cot is that once they are 18 months-ish and sleeping alone in the cot for day time naps thy can get up and come through when they wake up. Mine have just wondered through after an hour or two and I don't have to fetch a toddler that shouting to be retrieved from a cage cot.

[ButtonMeUp]

catweazle - pmsl at pretneding to be asleep - i do that with ds2 (9months old - today ) as if he catches me looking back at him he is wide awake, if he thinks i am asleep he might go back to sleep for a bit.

I love co-sleeping but he is in cot by bed for when i am downstairs and i only bring him in with me if he wakes and only settles in bed with me.... Dp is relagated downstairs still he is a absolute star x

[catweazle]

I started co-sleeping with my DD quite unintentionally (I had a CS and our bed is so high I couldn't get in and out with her). She is now 18 mo and still there. We have a 6ft 3" wide bed and DH sleeps elsewhere (!) so we have loads of room

Like others I put DD up the top of the bed, having moved the pillows to the edges of the bed, and I slept further down, so the duvet was nowhere near her. I put a baby blanket over her.

I also swap her from side to side after each feed.

Now she is 18 mo she kicks the covers off, and naturally turns away once she has fed. I tend to wake up as she does, although do sometimes pretend I'm asleep... she pokes my eyes or rummages in my nightie! It is lovely to get her arms round my neck and a big smile as she snuggles in.

[nappyaddict]

what if they haven't got a cot next to your bed though? how do you stop them from rolling out or trying to climb down?

[kitkat9]

hmm, hadn't really thought of that as I usually bf with baby in my arms anyway, so would be picking him up. It's more of a safety thing, and means he won't roll out, and so I can put him into bed before I have to go to bed too, iyswim.

Also you can use it in the cot when the time comes to move the baby (assuming baby is small enough of course) and he'll still be in his familiar bed within the cot. I say this as I found the transition for ds1 from my bed to his cot extremely difficult.

[babaduck]

We have a mattress with a memory foam topper built into it. I think memory foam is a no-no. The problem with memory foam is that because it conforms around your every fold and crease, if a baby rolls on to her face, it can squoosh around her nose and mouth, and smother her. How we work it is, we have an Aerosleep mattress topper under the baby, whch seems to be a fantastic invention, and i find it gives me great peace of mind. Don't like our current mattress, so going to buy a new one in xmas sales anyway. I do find our 6 and half month old a v restless sleeper and am getting a bit tired, but find co-sleeping v natural.

[GreenMonkies]

KitKat, how do you bf when baby is in one of those? Do the sides fold down or do you have to lift baby out to feed them?

To me, if you have to lift/move baby to move them it makes it just as disruptive/inconvenient as a moses basket or Arms Reach/Snuggle Nest.

[kitkat9]

I'll be using one of these when ds2 comes along. Pretty sure you can get them in the UK to, maybe try a google search....

I co-slept with ds1 and dd, more by circumstance than planning - it is way easier to bf through the night without having to haul yourself up and down - especialy if you're recovering after a tear etc from childbirth, as I was with ds1. I couldn't walk after his birth as I was so badly injured, and having him in bed with me all the time was the easiest option. He lay beside me in his sleepsuit with a light blanket over him, and no pillows anywhere near him.

[GreenMonkies]

Ginni

I refer you to my earlier post;

"We have a bedside cot, one of the 3 sided ones that is essentially an extension of our bed. It's fantastic. All the "pro's" of co-sleeping (easy night feeds, closeness, security etc) and none of the "cons" (lack of space, alledged dangers of over-laying/smothering). From feedback I've had from other mothers who have used "Arms Reach" type cribs is that whilst they do keep the baby close etc but you do still have to pick the baby up to feed them and then put them back in it afterwards, just like you do with a moses basket pulled up right next to the bed, which negates some of the convenience of co-sleeping, and also, they are smaller than standard cots (like the Mothercare bedside cot we have, which we got from ebay for £26) so baby grows out of them relatively quickly."

[Ginni]

I was going to buy an Amby for daytime sleeps, then something like the Snuggle Nest for the first few weeks of co-sleeping. Now i've heard about the Arm's Reach i'm in a dilemma as to whether or not to get that instead of the Amby?

I've found some large chamois leathers on Amazon (try the spelling change from shammy!) and will get one of those too