Someone please help me - DD (2.5) has been having a massive tantrum for over an hour and I don't know what to do now.

[milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo]

Went to the park this morning got home and made and offered her lunch which she refused to eat. She was rubbing her eyes and crying so I took her to bed. She refused to go to bed and wee-ed on the floor and has been screaming in her bedroom for over an hour. Have been up periodically to check on her and try and distract her.

She is saying she is hungry but because she refused her lunch I don't want to give in and give her her lunch would rather wait until she has had her nap as she is clearly over tired. Am I doing the right thing or should I just give in and bring her downstairs or will she think she has won and do this again next time she feels like being contrary???

Will she sleep if she doesn't eat?
Will her nap being later affect her settling in the evening?

I would give her lunch. After a morning at the park she is probably starving.

Poor you. It is a lot easier to sleep on a full stomach, and carbs tend to bring on sleepiness. I don't think giving her lunch is giving in. Maybe take a sandwich into her bedroom and say 'you've been very cross this morning, let's calm down, I brought you a sandwich', so you are definitely the adult and the one in control. Or would eating away from the table be a bad thing in your usual routine? I don't think it's pandering to her, just giving her a bit of room to accept your kindness without losing all her pride. My daughter is new to tantrums so this is all guessing and conjecture, I clicked on the thread out of interest.

I am a hard mummy, and would leave her to cry it out. And I certainly wouldn't offer more food - maybe some milk?

But I would probably offer a cuddle and try and talk about why she is so upset. DS2 used to have tantrums where he cried so hard for so long he actually used to forget why he was crying!

If it's been going on for that long it's not really about winning. No one is winning.

She's only 2 - she's overtired, hungry and all in a muddle about why she's upset. She wants her mum to make it better! Bring her downstairs, give her a cuddle and something to eat, help her go to sleep and start again when she wakes up.

Mind you, have just seen how old she is so would probably change my mind and offer food, albeit making sure you're seen to be in charge as EB says.

DD behaves like this when she has a throat or ear infection. If this is out of character, I'd take her to the doctor.
It's hard to know otherwise, if she seems really upset, I'd try to bring some closure by cuddling her and telling her everythings ok until she calms down.

I think tantrums are a force of nature

i don't think she will feel if she has 'won' anything if she has been crying for over an hour tbh

i would go for a cuddle
see if she will now eat the lunch she refused
calm things down

agree strongly with broccoli and malory

poor lamb

in fact, what broccoli and malory said

I found with my dd at that age, that there came a point when she could not calm herself down - she was hysterical and no longer even remebered what the original tantrum was about. She would also be beyond distraction.

I would go up and offer her a hug. This would usually calm my dd down. Then I would give her a chance to eat the lunch she refused to eat earlier. I would not make anything else.

Just read enid's message whcih started "agree strongly with broccoli...." and wondered what the hell broccoli could do in this situation - I did wonder if someone was using broccoli as a reward for good behaviour

I do, however, agree with broccoli and malroy

Go up and tell her she can have some lunch if she stops that screaming. Feed her then put her to bed.

go up, give big cuddle

lunch sat together

then have nap together (if possible)

I 'give in' all the time with mine but sometimes I think they have a huge strop and then get carried away and upset and don't know how to end it!

cuddles work in this house

Definitely give her food. The one thing that would set my ds off would be lack of food.

I've tried cuddles and stories, the only reason she has not had lunch is because she refused to eat it after trying for nearly 40mins.

WE are struggling to get back to normal after holiday where her routine was thrown completely.

I'll try taking her her sandwich upstairs now.

last night dd2 was sobbing at the top of the stairs

distraught

said "I want to go in your bed"

I faffed about saying oh no, you have your bed

"but please mummy" accompanied by big wobbly teary eyes

she went in our bed

now she may have 'won'

OR you could say that she was having a nightmare and needed comfort

When they get beyond it sometimes you need to just 'give in' to it. Go up, give her a banana or something to get blood sugar up and perhaps do something silly to break the circle of wrath.

I find at times like this a pair of pants on the head is best.

I think i'd give up about now and fill her up with carbs. Hopefully she will have a power nap after that and peace will return to the household. I'd probably have left her for a while like you though.