Ok. A thought from my other thread. Which would you prefer. An opinionated child who knows their own mind and questions everything or one that accepts everything they are told without question?

[AvenaLife]

I'd like to know how children that question everything are viewed please. ds is like this, I'm trying to stop this but after my last thread I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Is it such a problem or am I making it a problem?

TIA

Avenalife having a lovely long holiday thank you Have been out most of the afternoon/evening so just trying to catch up on this. Will have to leave reading most of it until tomorrow, as I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Hope all works out for your son though.

I think your son sounds lovely but he is a child and as such I think believes life will be simple and that it is all about 'being fair'

The truth is to be successful in life we have to learn to manage what happens to us sometimes. Sometimes (in fact a lot of the time) what happens to us is 'not fair' What determines how successful we are in life is how we manage the stuff we perceive as unfair.

Your son is just on the beginning of his journey of understanding this. With a bit of help from you I'm sure he will make it.

On the issue of trust, this again is not a simple thing and is a fine line too. It would be silly, even dangerous to trust everybody, but also to trust nobody is a recipe for a very unhappy life. Sometimes we have to make a decision to trust someone on very little evidence and be prepared to be let down.

Just because a child is well behaved does not mean that they are docile little zombies.
Some are just very quite, sensitive souls.
Doesn't mean they are more conformist either- they are kids, findimg their way, we don't really know w aht will happen in the future.
Some children who revel in questioning everything their [parents say are quite boring and arrogant.
I don't mind them asking questions as long as the basics- road safety etc are done automatically

I agree mrsruffallo, they are all different.
Opinionated is fine as long as they are able to let others speak and give their opinions, and even more importantly listen to them.

There was a woman in my college class. She was opinionated (inasmuch as she thought she knew everything, and her attitude towards other people's opinions stank). Nobody liked her, and I was about the only person who spoke up for her when there were major bitching sessions about her. Clearly, the way she was couldn't be altered by just ignoring her or being nasty.

On the other hand, having an open mind, asking why things happen, what might happen in other circumstances, laughing when you put an opinion across that appears to be false, adapting to other people's ideas, all these are lovely attributes and make a person willing to learn and interesting to be around. The world doesn't have to work the way that it works, there are other ways things could be done, and only individual thinkers bring about change and, hopefully, improvement.

I think possibly 'opinionated' is the wrong word. 'Inquisitive', perhaps, or maybe even 'humble enough to know you don't know everything, but very willing to learn'.

I'm such an idealist

And yes, my children do get into trouble at school. Some teachers love this kind of inquisitiveness, others hate it - so they are loved and hated. But aren't we all?

Just skimmed thread, so apologies if any of this has been said before.

An enquiring mind is a good thing and to be encouraged. However, a child (or indeed an adult) who does not know when to shut up and give other people a turn at speaking, expressing their views or asking their own questions is a pain. The ideal is an enquiring mind coupled with good social interaction skills and awareness of the needs of others.

I am struggling with this with my son (5) who asks "why" in response to everything. Even listening to a song on the radio he will need an explanation of the lyrics when sometimes I just want to listen to the song. The same happens in school - he just gets carried away with wanting to express himself or find soemthing out and steam rollers over other people.

This has created problems with the other children and the teacher clearly did not like him at first either. However, I completely understood from her perspective why - he came across as self centered and rude. She and I worked together for the whole year to make ds understand how groups of people interact and that he has to give everyone a chance to speak and by the end of the year, there was such a change in him.

Ds can also be verbally agressive (though not generally physically - which is good as he is huge) and this prompts physical agression in other less articulate children who become frustrated by him. Ds has been in lots of trouble as a result even though he has been hit and has never hit back. I have supported him, recognised the injustice he feels but also explained to him that he does deserve to be in some trouble as he usually provoked the incident in the first place.

For me the most important lessons my son has so far learned in school are how to get on with other children and the give and take required in such relationships.

Agree GL. They have to know how to take turns and shut up aswell. It's not all about them, there are other people in the world too

But it's nice to see a mind at work when you've got time for it. I love the way other people's brains work. Sometimes you just sit there and think 'wow! I'd never have thought of that idea / that perspective'. It's really cool.

Thinking about it, that's why I love MN. I like to see what other people say about situations. It's amazing the way some people think things are ok and other people think the same things are seriously disgusting.

Not necessarily a right and wrong to these posts, just interesting how differently people think.

Thankyou for all the replies. I'm not going to reply individually as I'll be here all night but I have read them all. Cor blimey! There are so many different opinions that it's hard for any parent with a chatty child to know what to do. As long as they are polite and don't disturb the class this seems to be acceptable. It's down to luch as to what sort of child we get though. I would love ds to be quiet sometimes but I've seen far worse. I didn't start this thread refering to ds, it's a general observation so try not to shoot me for implying that quiet children don't think or input. I'm just a little jealous!