Are little girls inherently nasty??

[Bumdiddley]

Dh (sahd) told me that dd3 and ds23m were watching the next doors dd and friend play in the garden. The friend started asking dd questions and then mimicking her replies (she had delayed speech but is perfectly understandable).

Dh videoed the whole thing but didn't intervene then showed me the video when I got home from work. I couldn't really hear what was being said and the only time she seemed upset was when they were taunting her about having lollipops. The mum next door eventually came out and stopped her being nasty.

Anyway, I was quite upset but dh said "That is what little girls are like".

When I was 8 I didn't pick on 3 year olds. Is it just me?

Oh Bum, you will always offend someone, no matter how many question marks or exclamation marks you use! lol.

You asked a valid question as you are clearly worried and upset by what happened.

I would like to add that as a child I was never nasty, certainly wouldn't have bullied anyone and my dd1 is not at all nasty (too early to tell with dd2 as she is only 11 months although at the moment is displaying some nasty traits!)

I am suprised that your dh didn't say anything but I'm not sure I could have intervened without getting mad which wouldn't have solved anything really!

I have three girls. None of them are 'inherently nasty' but I am sure they have all done their fair share of teasing or probably been a bit horrid now and again. I really would have words with your dh about how he handled it.

The videoing thing is odd, why did he do that? He stood there and videoed the next door girl meaning mean to his daughter with a speech delay?

This is the matter to be addressed, no?

I have witnessed nastiness in boys and girls, my ds has language delay and possible an ASD ... I have seen some of his peers at nursery (who happen to be boys) deliberately taunting him. I really don't think girls are nastier than boys.

this thread has reminded me of being in hospital, with my PFB, she was maybe not even a day old and an auxiliary was changing the other bed. She looked at my baby and asked if I'd had a girl or a boy, when I said girl, she turned to her colleague and openly said ALL girls are bitches

OP - Your DH is wrong. Girls are not inherently nasty. Like Boys aren't always rough. Some children are nasty sometimes and if no adult intervenes then they won't stop. They're supposed to learn from adults which is why your DH should have said something. He didn't have to be nasty back or start a neighbours war. Just a little "picking on children younger than yourself is upsetting" would suffice. I'm glad your you dd that the mom finally interevened (and I hope she had words with them). My DD1 is 3 and at times has teased her sister with sweets or pushed her over. She is most certainly not nasty. Once she is told she is hurting or upsetting someone she immediately looks very concerned and runs over to offer kisses and cuddles.
I think you need to have a word with DH and point out that your DD may learn nasty behaviour off somebody else if he doesn't start stepping in to show her that it is wrong.

Missed the bit about the video. If I was the neighbouring kids's dad, I'd be over that fence thumping him.

what the...?
where was i horrible?

genuine question

Um, what was your DH doing filming next door's children?

children with friends can be completely different. boys and girls can be nasty depending on who they are with and what type of day they are having.

Why was dh filming it?

What an odd thread.
Your DH is a numpty, to put it kindly.
If my DP had been there with any child, let alone his own, and not stepped in he would not be sleeping in my bed tonight that's for sure.
No, girls are not inherently nasty, the girls next door were being mean that's it.

saywhat I'd say that was a really extreme situation and am sorry your child went through it, but it really isn't indicative of a general 7yr old girls behaviour. I have one, and obviously, her friends too are this age, they wouldn't dream of being nasty to children like this.

Lastly, I don't see anyone being nasty? Just annoyed, with respect, they have every right to be!, at your DH and such a terrible insinuation.

Thank you VS

God, you're all really very judgemental, and very sure that you were never nasty as children . Remember it all, do you, every day of childhood? Never said something mean you regretted?

(1) I do think OP's DH handled it poorly, but I don't think his remark "that's what little girls are like" is, in itself, very different from when little boys are rowdy and people (boringly) say "boys will be boys". What I mean is, it's not a very useful remark and of course it is a generalization, but it's not inherently malicious. I don't think it is fair to say it's his "opinion of females" as one poster above suggests. I am sure he just meant that little girls can be mean sometimes, which is true. Little boys can as well, but like many people, OP's DH seems to think meanness and teasing is more of a phase typical to little girls than to boys. How do you know he's not just saying that it is a phase parents of little girls need to keep an eye out for? This may be a bit blinkered but it seems to me that lots of you are overreacting.

(2) But why on earth was he filming them? Bad idea.

(3) When I was small, I was verbally bullied a lot at school by other young children. 95% of the bullies were little girls. Not proof of anything, but it's how things were for me.

boyzintheshires is not mean, she is the second nicest most reasonable poster on MN, after me!

i would be more concerned about:

your DHs attitude towards girls

why he was filming this, for what purpose and had he checked it was ok with the neighbours

and why he did not stop the nastiness rather than observing his little girl being picked on

WTF he videoed your neighbours children??? Without consent??? IS HE FUCKING MAD or just plain stupid??? I'm sorry but quite aside from putting himself in a dodgy legal situation, what a horrible thing to do? So maybe the question could be, "are some parents so far up their own arses that they have to video their neigbours children in order to bitch about them later" I am honestly so for your neighbour. I would be HORRIFIED if i thought someone was doing this to my DD. This is not about any pervert calling or anything like that, but its an invasion of privacy.

Yes, children can be horrible, nasty spiteful little creatures, male or female. They are generally like this because they haven't learnt that their actions are likely to be hurtful.

ADULTS on the other hand, should know better. . If you were my neighbour your DP would be needing his phone surgically removed.

I will echo what lulumama said. I have never seen Boyzintheshires be nasty. She was just saying that like many of us finds the generalisations boys/girls to be annoying. She may have been a little blunt in her posts, but I think it was more aimed at your DH than you.

paperdoll I suspect ( with no evidence at all) that most buillying is same sex - ie boys bully boys and girls bully girls.

no paperdoll, i was never nasty. not even to kids my own size, let alone to 3yos when i was 8.

no, the dh's statement does not make him an axe murderer but it does indicate an attitude id want to discuss if he were mine.

and i dont like 'boys will be boys' either... i did say all sweeping generalisations, not just this one.

i am sorry, op, if i upset you, but i think you were overly touchy and perhaps needing someone safe to be angry at?

i do object to the notion that little girls are nasty. and i will restate that objection as often as i like till the day i die.

Would also add that most of those girls' parents probably "would not have dreamed" of how mean their daughters were being to me, or to any other bullying targets. Just because your child is a sweet kid most of the time, it's not impossible he/she may have the capacity to be horrible to other children occasionally, without you realizing. I'd say it's important to realize your child may not be perfect all the time; anyone who says their kid would never in a million years be cruel to someone else is in denial about certain aspects of growing up. One of the ways some people learn not to be mean is by being horrible to someone in an ill-judged moment, and then feeling bad about it. It doesn't make them inherently nasty, it's just a fairly easy mistake that many people make at some point, and learn from.

Are you hearing us?

The videoing is odd

Ask him about that.

Unless you made it up to show us that you DID know exactly what was going on and that your dh had not exaggerated.

If you did, then I have loads more questions to ask you.

My MiL has that view of little girls, it sickens me, although apparently she wouldn't think it of any I had Just because she is like that doesn't make all females like that. DH actually said the other day that he had a distorted view of women because of her.

Some people aren't nice. AND, nice people have their moments when they're not nice as well, especially when they're young and don't have as much impulse control or innate understanding that they might/have upset someone.

thank you lulu and misty

Sorry, im confused now - were the children being shit to your child?? That does explain a little why he videod but why didnt he intervene? If not to just come back at the girls with a comment that made them think about what they were saying.

I would still be steaming about the video, although less so considering it involved your DD, so please ignore my last post

papaerdoll, people weren't saying that they were never nasty, just that little girls aren't inherently nasty.

Also, I agree with kewcumbers point that bullying is mainly same-sex.