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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I think DS (3) needs to start dropping his lunchtime nap - should I bully DH?

42 replies

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 13:19

DS (3) has a 2 hour nap after lunch most days. I think this is starting to affect his nightime sleep - he goes to bed at around 8, but sometimes isn't asleep until after 9. At weekends I generally don't let him nap, and he's fine with it. If he's tired in the evening, he will fall asleep straight away.

The problem is, DH is a SAHD, and he's used to having a couple of hours to himself in the daytime. I suggested cutting out the nap - DH said he'd cut it down. Yesterday he cut it to 1.75 hours... Should I insist on dropping the nap, or am I being unreasonable?

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aideesmum · 03/06/2008 13:29

My ds had dropped his daytime nap by the time he was 3, I was putting him down and leaving him but he had no interest in sleeping so I no longer put him down to sleep. The problem is that by 3-4pm he is noticably tired but still refuses to sleep - he is now 3.4years. He is always in bed at 7pm and most times is asleep within a few minutes (although not every day!)
Does your ds take lots of encouragement to have his daytime nap? If so he is probably ready stop having a daytime nap.

Boyswillbeboys · 03/06/2008 13:31

YANBU, if he is going to sleep later in evening its probably because he is not tired. Does he seem to want to sleep during the day? My DS1 gave up naps at 3, he didn't really need them after 2.5 but I encouraged him because I also had DS2 napping at same time and needed a break! DS2 gave up literally a week after his 2nd birthday and nothing would make him sleep during the day. I totally understand your DH's reluctance, but all good things come to an end! On the positive, it will mean that he can take DS on longer trips out etc without having to rush home for nap.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 13:34

Aideesmum - nope, no encouragement at all. He's quite happy to sleep for 2 hours.
He often winges for a few minutes that he doesn't want a nap, but as soon as he's actually in bed, he's gone. If I keep him up, a car journey will often put him to sleep (although he wakes up as soon as the car stops - he's always done that).

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Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 13:38

BWBB - DH doesn't really do days out with DS. They do a couple of groups, and see friends, but nothing that's really restricted by DS' naps.

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aideesmum · 03/06/2008 13:46

I'd probably carry on with the daytime nap but maybe reduce it by 15 minutes every few days/week and see how that goes.

NotABanana · 03/06/2008 13:47

My son is nearly 3 and sleeps 2 hours in the day. If he doesn't he is up in the night.

Bramshott · 03/06/2008 13:51

Okay I am being devil's advocate here, but if a dad had posted and said "I think my DS should drop his nap but my DW is a SAHM and enjoys it too much" we would all be saying "well she's the one who's at home so surely it's up to her"! No?!

hoxtonchick · 03/06/2008 13:53

i would be spitting tacks if dp insisted dd drop her nap (i work 2 days a week, he's fulltime). i'm afraid you have to leave it up to him.

moopdaloop · 03/06/2008 13:56

you are not the full-time carer, it isn't your decision to make. You can discuss it with DH but in the end it is his decision.

And if a child is ready to drop a daytime nap, it won't sleep.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 13:57

hehe bramshott - that's why i'm asking if i'm unreasonable. i haven't bullied him yet, because i know how nice a break in the day can be. on the other hand, there was some research a while ago that suggested that nap sleep isn't a substitute for night sleep. www.newscientist.com/channel/health/mg19426104.300-naps-cant-compete-with-a-nights-sleep.html
probably not a huge thing for a three year old (especially one as clever as DS, natch!), but enough to make me wonder.

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NotABanana · 03/06/2008 13:59

I didn't like the bully aspect and I also think it is up to him, he is entitled to a break in the day.

FWIW The more mine slept in the day, the better they slept at night, a my post above proves.

NotABanana · 03/06/2008 14:00

Mine are all very bright so I don't buy that at all!

Aero · 03/06/2008 14:00

I think YABU to insist on dropping the nap altogether, but suggesting cutting it down to an hour or so isn't unreasonable. If DH is a SAHD, you should be able to trust him to use his judgement sensibly. If he is awake so late at night though, then dh should soon realise that the two hour nap isn't helping him have a few hours space for the grown ups in the evenings.

If your ds still drops off in the car in the afternoons though, he probably still needs a little nap and will probably wake up in good form afterwards. All too soon it'll be time for school (assuming he'll go to school) and there'll be no time for a nap then!

My ds2 hasn't napped in the day since he was two, but he just doesn't need the sleep - I'd have given my eye teeth for him to nap for an hour then! He's four now and will be starting school in September. He currently goes to bed around 7.45pm, but rarely settles before 9pm (long after dd who's almost 8 goes to sleep)! He wakes around 7am. This is regardless of how much running around he does during the day! I'm hoping school will tire him out a bit more!

Gipfeli · 03/06/2008 14:02

My ds was similar at that age. He would happily sleep for a good couple of hours afer lunch, would go to bed ok too at 7-7.30 but wouldn't get to sleep until around 8.30-9ish. And then was grumpy in the morning.

Stopping the nap definitely helped him get off to sleep easier and he woke up happier in the morning which was an unexpected bonus.

I can understand your dh's point of view. My ds is a very chatty soul and hardly stops talking. I was concerned that I would go mad without a couple of hours peace and quiet (and I'm not even a SAHM!). But actually what we did was tell him that he wasn't having a nap but that it was "quiet time" and let him know that we expected him to play quietly while we had a break from the incessant chatter (obv. phrased it nicely!) Amazingly this is what he does. Actually I think he loves the chance to play uninterrupted with his lego, cars whatever without his little sister always getting in his way.

It's turned out much better than I was expecting. Maybe that is reassuring to your dh?

SoupDragon · 03/06/2008 14:05

It's your DH's call, not yours.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 14:05

moopdaloop - i'm not sure i agree with you about the not sleeping thing - because of the research i linked to.

agree with you that it's DH's decision though. it bothers me though that he plays around after going to bed. not enough at the moment to have a fight with DH about it. just kind of thinking out loud about when this becomes a thing.

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Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 14:16

gah! i type too slowly.

aero - it's not that i don't trust dh. it's that both of us are owls rather than larks, and stay up later than we should too often. so, around 2pm, when DH is feeling sleepy, i don't think he's necessarily basing his judgment on dispassionate evidence!

we're generally up to DS half a dozen times before he drops off. so our adult time starts later, so we stay up later... i think i see a theme...

i thought cutting down to an hour was sensible too - was really surprised when DH only cut off 15 mins.

nab - thanks for your post, but i've already said that ds sleeps better at night when he hasn't had a nap.

gipfeli - will suggest the quiet time - thanks.

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bozza · 03/06/2008 14:17

My DD is 4 and I think she would still benefit from a nap. Until very recently she has been having one and will have one if for any reason she has a late night, she also regularly falls asleep if in the car in the middle of the day. However she doesn't usually have a nap and will have to get used to not having them as she will be starting school shortly.

I think your study is unhelpful to be honest, because it is considering children aged 2 -12. It is very different a 12 yo having a nap on a Sunday afternoon and then going to bed late and not being ready to get up for Monday morning school, compared with your 3yo having a regular nap while she is home with his SAHD. I do think though that it looks as though the end is in sight for his naps though.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 14:21

bozza - i agree that a 2yo and a 12yo are completely different kettles of fish. but it made me think that if 12yos are napping because they're not sleeping properly at night, maybe the assumption that DS will work this out for himself doesn't hold.

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MsDemeanor · 03/06/2008 14:24

I think it's up to him. I would have been beside myself if, when I was at home full time with babies if he'd tried to insist on ANYTHING

pooka · 03/06/2008 14:30

DD still had, most days, a 2 hour nap - until she was nearly 4. Just before she was 4, she hurt her lip and couldn't have her dummy for naps anymore. Twas the end of the nap - she just couldn't drop off during the day any more.

I was partly sad, because had a blissful 18months of dd having a nap while ds (younger brother) slept, so a couple of hours to recharge. But also glad because she was about to start school.

She did start to have earlier bedtime (i.e. 7pm instead of 8pm) for a while to compensate. Which was a shame for dh because it meant she was shattered when he got home from work. But she now sleeps from about 7.45pm until 7am.

Bumdiddley · 03/06/2008 14:39

cfg - I'm in the same position as you exactly.

But as with most things eg potty training, I can't dictate to dh because he has to do all the work.

Dh has cut it down to 1 1/2 though cause dd wasn't sleeping and that worked.

Basically, dd will go to nursery in September so he will have his mornings 50% toddler free (got a ds) so he won't feel the need for his 2 hour wank session break

Bumdiddley · 03/06/2008 14:40

oh the crossy outy thing didn't work - what a twerp...

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 15:29

lol bumdiddley.

it's good to know that cutting to 1.5 hours worked for you - i thought it would need to be more drastic than that. hopefully dh will find a happy medium by himself and i won't need to nag.

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bozza · 03/06/2008 16:16

Maybe he is experimenting cornflakegirl? I do sort of agree with you regarding the importance of a good night's sleep and that it sounds like your DS's sleep might be compromised atm, but was just putting forward the point that some pre-schoolers do need a nap still - although maybe not everyday? That is another option to consider.

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