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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I think DS (3) needs to start dropping his lunchtime nap - should I bully DH?

42 replies

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 13:19

DS (3) has a 2 hour nap after lunch most days. I think this is starting to affect his nightime sleep - he goes to bed at around 8, but sometimes isn't asleep until after 9. At weekends I generally don't let him nap, and he's fine with it. If he's tired in the evening, he will fall asleep straight away.

The problem is, DH is a SAHD, and he's used to having a couple of hours to himself in the daytime. I suggested cutting out the nap - DH said he'd cut it down. Yesterday he cut it to 1.75 hours... Should I insist on dropping the nap, or am I being unreasonable?

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bossykate · 03/06/2008 16:23

call me an old cynic... but does it all become your responsibility at the end of the day? if so then ensuring he gets his break in the day while you are still having to settle at 9pm while no doubt fitting in a lot of domestic chores that the sahd "hasn't had time" to do in the day sounds the opposite of fair to me...

bossykate · 03/06/2008 16:24

actually i would be spitting mad if a dc of mine wasn't settling until 9pm because of an overlong day time nap.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 17:13

bossykate - we both slack off once ds is in bed, so no gripe there. and we share going in to settle him.

i think it's just one of those things where i think my way is best, but as others have said, can't really impose it on dh because it's just not that critical.

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Original poster

cornflakegirl · 03/06/2008 17:16

bozza - i actually agree that ds does seem to need a nap sometimes - even at the weekend i'll nap him if he seems grouchy after lunch.

actually, it is good to hear from other people whose toddlers do still sleep in the day - the kids we know around his age all seem to have dropped it, so i guess a small part of me was worried that we were infantilising him or something!

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bozza · 04/06/2008 14:01

I think it is unusual. I get a lot of "oh aren't you lucky" type comments. DD will have one or maximum of two naps a week I would say. She goes to nursery Tues-Thurs and obviously doesn't nap there (not cool if you are in the pre-schooler room ) and then has swimming on a Friday morning and so she is quite often in need of a nap on a Friday.

ChasingSquirrels · 04/06/2008 14:07

do you need to go in and settle him? My ds would frequently not be asleep until 9pm, but was happy in bed just looking at books. I left him to it, mostly he went to sleep when he was ready. As long as he wasn't tired the next day I was happy with the situation.
If he is calling, wanting you etc then it is a different matter.

belgo · 04/06/2008 14:11

I loved it when my children dropped their naps. Then they started going to bed at 7pm and suddenly I had my evenings back.

belgo · 04/06/2008 14:14

I don't agree that it's entirely the dh's choice to make as the main carer. You are both the parents, both his carers, both of you have the right to an opinion over this.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 05/06/2008 13:32

chasingsquirrels - he gets up and comes to the door. we keep his room very dark (blackouts), so it's probably pretty dull for him if he's not sleepy!

belgo - see this is probably another part of the problem - i don't want him to go to bed at 7. i generally don't get home before 6, so i like having a couple of hours with him in the evening. it also means that dh doesn't always have to have dinner on the table when i walk through the door!

i agree that it's not only dh's choice, just because he's at home. i think that probably most people who've posted would agree with that too - i just annoyed them by talking about making dh drop the nap!

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ChasingSquirrels · 05/06/2008 20:44

ah re dark - my ds would just put the light on then trun it off (mostly) when he was ready to sleep.
I did have been who were shocked that I just left him to it, and at one stage it got to 10pm before he went to sleep, and it was noticable the next day - so I did address that, but as long as he was ok in the day I didn't worry about the evening. He knew he wasn't to come down unless there was a problem and he generally didn't.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 06/06/2008 12:33

hmmm... he doesn't have a light that he can operate (tiny room, no bedside table) - maybe we should get him one of those battery ones and let him have some books. thanks for the thought!

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ChasingSquirrels · 06/06/2008 18:33

how 3 is he? Just 3, 3.5, nearly 4?
I can't remember when mine started doing this, but he just turned the main light on (he is tall), we got him a bedside light, but then he took the clock off his wall and put it on top of the light and could have burnt the house down. So bedside light was abandoned and he went back to the main light.

Original poster

cornflakegirl · 08/06/2008 21:38

He's just three. Think he needs a step to reach the light switch, but that's doable. Thanks for the suggestion.

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gnu · 08/06/2008 21:45

It depends on when you and his Dad both want him to go to bed at night. If you and he are in agreement that you want him to go to bed earlier at night, then he needs to cut his nap down.

tori32 · 08/06/2008 21:48

Funnily enough I would say he could be overtired from missing sleep at the weekend. It could be that he is trying to catch up. I would say to reduce the nap time to 1.5hrs every day, including the weekends.

tori32 · 08/06/2008 21:50

I agree with the light suggestion. My dd1 had one of the battery operated touch ones on the wall (2.4) and turns it off before she goes to sleep. She sometimes reads in bed before going to sleep (or sings LOL!)

Minkus · 10/06/2008 11:36

Dh and I had this exact conversation last night. DS is 3.7 and when at nursery (3 days per week) has a 1 hour kip during the day. At home he has about 2 hours, depending on ho bsy we've been. His bed time is 8.30 but he's not going off to sleep until nearer 9 and this really does eat into our adult time (esp as I'm 36 weeks pregnant and so dh and I only have about half an hour alone together before I start snoring on the sofa ). However if he doesn't sleep during the day at home he's so tired and grumpy by tea time that he'll fall asleep on the sofa and refuse to eat/gets incredibly upset etc.

So I'm going to ask nursery to cut out his nap there, and see how it goes as I agree about needing the child free break in the middle of the day and so am loathe to cut out his home nap entirely! Will cut that down too if he still doesn't want to go to sleep at a reasonable hour at night.

Guess the upshot of that long essay of me me me me me me was that dh and I have discussed this together, and made the decision together - agree with other posters who've said that it would prob be a good idea to determine what needs to be done as a joint decision.

Good luck!

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