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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help me with DS2 who refuses to get dressed

83 replies

MummyDoIt · 02/06/2008 08:24

Every morning we have the same argument. DS1 gets up and dresses himself for school, no problem. DS2 (aged 4) always makes a big fuss. Says he doesn't want to get dressed, refuses to take off his own pyjamas. Nine times out of ten it ends up with me forcibly removing them and him screaming. It gets the day off to such a bad start, with us all running late, DS2 in a temper and me completely stressed out. Plus the screaming is disturbing DH and I can't have that (some mornings, he's so bad, he's probably disturbing half the street as well). My usual method of disciplining him is to tell him I'll take away pocket money which works well at any other time of the day but, first thing in the morning, he takes absolutely no notice. Just screams. Any help gratefully accepted. I'm beginning to dread getting up because I know I'll have this little scene to get through.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 08:25

Just leave him

let him stay in his PJ's

He will soon stop

chamaeleon · 02/06/2008 08:26

tell him he will go to school in pjs if he doesnt get dressed. then take him to school in his pjs (take uniform in bag, he will prob get dressed on way there).

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 08:27

darling.

Today I am not going to shout at you. I will wil ask you nicely. If you do not get dressed then you will stay in your pj's while we take ds1 to school etc etc. Calm and firm

then leave him to it

solo · 02/06/2008 08:27

I had similar screaming etc with teeth brushing...

bubblagirl · 02/06/2008 08:27

not sure if it'll work but how about making it a game i bet you cant take your top off by the time i count to 10 and so on and tell him if he does it every morning at the weekend he can have a magazine or sweet of jis choice

but dont go in sounding stressed go in sounding cheery and then use cheery voice to encourage him

if he does it oh my what a big boy i didnt know you could do that lots of encouragement and praise

Original poster

MummyDoIt · 02/06/2008 09:00

Beetroot, I've tried leaving him in PJs but it just postpones the argument and we end up having the tantrum when we need to leave for school. At weekends, I've left him in his PJs and it gets to lunchtime and we still have the tantrum. Threatening to make him go out in them and to nursery would have no effect. He'd quite like it!

Bubblagirl - that sounds like a good suggestion. I'll give it a go.

OP posts:

gagarin · 02/06/2008 09:03

But why does he have to be dressed to take his brother to school?

If youi leave him in pjs all day it really harms no-one.

Carnival · 02/06/2008 09:15

I get this hassle, too with DD (3.6). I was reading that book "How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk", there's advice in there from a mother having this same issue. What she did was put the pants on the kids head, the trousers on the arms, etc. and then the kid gets all "mummy, that's not how you do it - it goes here (putting it in the right place)". Worth a go?

I tried it on Saturday morning and there was quite a lot of giggling and 'you're silly, mummy' stuff, which is a site better than the poker straight body and face like a squashed guitar. BUT, I only have one to concern myself with in the morning. Good luck with it, I hope it gets better. C

Original poster

MummyDoIt · 02/06/2008 09:17

Because he's four years, not four months, and because we walk to school. I have no objection to babies and toddlers going out in nightclothes but not a four year old. Besides, he has nursery in the afternoons and I'm not sending him there in PJs.

OP posts:

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 09:21

let him go to nursery in his PJ's then

I bet it won'y last

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 09:22

he will not continue to do this if you stop the hassle and nagging

Original poster

MummyDoIt · 02/06/2008 09:50

Sorry, but no, I absolutely will not allow him to go out in his PJs. My children leave the house washed, dressed, hair brushed and looking smart. I don't mind eccentricities such as wellies on hot days or dressing up outfits but nightwear, no way.

I'm also not allowing him to dictate to me. I'm the adult, he needs to learn that what I say goes. I'm not turning up at nursery saying I have so little control over my four year old that he dictates what he wears. If I allow him to wear what he likes all day, he might then reason that he can eat what he likes, watch as much television as he likes, thump his brother if he likes. How can I say you can have your own way on this but not on that? Children need consistency.

Also, I don't nag him. He is told to get dressed, firmly and calmly. He says no. He is asked again. He dissolves into a tantrum. That's what I find so hard to deal with in the situation. His reaction is completely out of proportion to the request. I could understand a tantrum like that if I had been going on at him for ten minutes but not following a simple instruction. Once he's dressed, it's immediately forgotten (by him, at least) and he's his usual cheerful, good-natured self.

OP posts:

jingleyjen · 02/06/2008 09:55

I have and do go with the send him to school in his PJ's.
He will most likely not do it twice,
I understand your concern about being clean and presentable but you were asking for options and this option has worked for lots of parents.
DS1 is 4 if he has a paddy about getting dressed and is not dressed by the time we are going we leave the house with him in the state that he is in.
9 times out of 10 by the time the front door is open he is eager to get dressed.

This hasn't happened often may be 3-4 times ever but it does work.
Have you tried changing the morning routine? up dressed then breakfast?

Original poster

MummyDoIt · 02/06/2008 10:40

I appreciate it might work for some parents and, if you're happy with that, good for you. I guess it's just one of those parenting style decisions. It's a valid suggestion (and thanks to everyone for taking time to answer my query) but not one that I personally would feel comfortable taking.

We have tried changing the routine. I used to allow him to stay in his PJs till after breakfast but then had to face the tantrum when it was almost time to leave the house. That's why I changed it to getting dressed as soon as he gets up.

OP posts:

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 10:42

good luck with the screaming then

My ds went to playgroup with a pair of pants on his head once.

FluffyMummy123 · 02/06/2008 10:43

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 10:45

unfortunately you are missing the point that children learn - indeed adults learn - by there being a negative consequence to their actions.
the consequence that you have chosen ( withdrawal of pocket money) simply isn't working is it - or you wouldn't be here asking.
So your alternative is to continue fighting with him ( which he clearly does not mind or he wouldn't keep doing it) or find a different consequence.
The people on here have offered a very quick and effective consequence which has the elegance of being the real one, not some arbitary one chosen. we get up each morning and get clean and presentable because of the social consequences of not. It is a very sensible option.
The fact that you will not do it is your choice but it has nothing whatsoever with you not therefore being able to control your child. My children do exactly what they are told - because they understand what the option is. That option is never forcibly removing things from them and having them screaming which is nothing to do with control but is to do with brute force. It will not work when they are bigger. you need to find some other strategies....
you need to find a consequence for your DS that is worse than wrestling you.

FluffyMummy123 · 02/06/2008 10:46

Message withdrawn

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 10:46

with 4 kids

realise

Ignoring is the best policy

'PMSL at this -

My children leave the house washed, dressed, hair brushed and looking smart. I don't mind eccentricities such as wellies on hot days or dressing up outfits but nightwear, no way.'

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 10:46

rolf at Beetroot. Bet it worked too!

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 10:47

Do-like Zebra did - make him sleep in his day clothes - then no fuss

Beetroot · 02/06/2008 10:48

Pagwatch - he was batman - wore them all day

infact have a photo somewhere which I must tease him with

FluffyMummy123 · 02/06/2008 10:49

Message withdrawn

parachutes · 02/06/2008 10:49

Have you tried getting him to choose his own clothes?
Then leave him to it!

pagwatch · 02/06/2008 10:49

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