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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If your ds of five years old had got his willy out and shown it to the girls in the cloakroom, would you want to know?

79 replies

collision · 02/03/2008 22:34

DS1 came home on Friday and told us that one of his classmates had done this.

This boy was in detention during playtime on the previous day because of something else and is obviously a little tiresome.

So, I would want to know if this was my ds and DH agrees with me.

So, would you tell the teacher?

I will not be telling his mother as I think that the teacher can do that and his Mum is a playground friend who is lovely. She was devastated at his detention and is a nice normal person so I do know this will not go down well at all.

Yet, I would want to know so I could deal with it at home as well.

Opinions please.

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Moomin · 02/03/2008 22:37

WE had this last year with a girl in dd1's class (Recpetion) showing her bits about and yes I mentioned it to teacher in a discreet but 'casual' way, before school one morning, just becasue this girl was encouraging others to join in. I think it's fairly common really and the kids just need a reminder about what's appropriate and who's allowed to see your bits and who's not, etc. What age?

morocco · 02/03/2008 22:38

I wouldn't mind if I was told but wouldn't expect it to be made a big deal of either. I@m not sure what you could tell the teacher though

why on earth are 5 year olds getting detentions??!!

Original poster

collision · 02/03/2008 22:39

Thanks for that.

They are 5 going on 6 (Year 1)

Ds was a bit concerned because of course he knows that there are bits that are private etc.

I was going to be very casual to the teacher about the whole thing....just so that she knows.

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Flibbertyjibbet · 02/03/2008 22:40

If his mother was a friend of mine then I would probably tell her in a mock horror kind of shock way.

My friends little boy came home on his first week of school having made friends with a boy who had some much older brothers and asked his 9m old little sister 'would you like a penis in you?'

he had no idea what it meant and neither did the little boy who taught him to say it, it came from witnessing the behaviour of older brothers. Hopefully this child is being just as innocent and its us as the adults who are shocked by it as we would't expect a man to show us his willy in the office etc.

seeker · 02/03/2008 22:40

It's something they do. How would you"deal with it at home?"

Miaou · 02/03/2008 22:40

Yes collision I agree with you; mention to the teacher in a casual way, eg are you aware that this occurred, I thought you might like to know so that you can let his mum have a word with him, that kind of thing. And def. agree, don't tell the mother yourself.

MAMAZON · 02/03/2008 22:41

I would imagine the teacher will already know as one of the other children is bound to have told the teacher.

but i don't think it will hurt to mention it just in case.

It is a normal phase, especially once they realise boys are different to girls and that girls get a bit squealy at teh sight of the other sex.

Original poster

collision · 02/03/2008 22:41

I asked the same question about detentions too.

This child is very bright and has a lot to say all the time, he constantly fiddles, distracts the children and eventually the teacher kept him in at playtime. (Is this really a proper detention?)

His parents were furious and he was punished at home too. His Mum was sure he had learned his lesson and now this.....!!

OP posts:

avenanap · 02/03/2008 22:41

I'd tell, it's a kid thing though and they probably all do it when the're getting changed for swimming but it's better for the teacher to know. My ds asked someone to kiss his arse once, he got sent home for that .

gigglewitch · 02/03/2008 22:41

I'd want to know, as you say, if he were mine. Would be mortified, yes, but would want to know. Just so that it could be dealt with at home, and keep track of the issues. OK, lots of small boys seem to feel the urge to show their willy to their classmates at some stage Had similar in one of my DSes class, and school did a great job with it, whilst making sure that the child in question was absolutely sure that this was not an acceptable thing to do, it wasn't treated like the crime of the century.
In your shoes, I'd have a chat with the class teacher.

fairyfly · 02/03/2008 22:44

My son told me that a boy in his class said, look under the table and he had his willy out of his pants. They both giggled and thought it was terribly naughty. The teacher never found out. My son said, it's naughty and a bit weird isn't it. I said, yeh, don't you be doing that but if he does it again let me know, it was three years ago and nothing has happenned since.

I think kids just check boundaries and try and be daft sometimes.

Original poster

collision · 02/03/2008 22:44

At home I dont make a big deal of it and just say that we dont want to see it and we discussed the situation and ds wanted to know WHY willies and boobies and bottoms were private!!

'Why are feet not private, then?' 'Is it OK to show my tummy to everyone?' 'and my ears?'

It was a looooong discussion!

OP posts:

fairyfly · 02/03/2008 22:52

Zipped up babygrows until 21, only way forward.

Original poster

collision · 02/03/2008 22:52

LOL FairyFly!! great idea

OP posts:

fairyfly · 02/03/2008 22:56

Forget that, 65

MilaMae · 02/03/2008 23:00

When my year 1 classes used to change for PE or do their lunch time wee half the class (mainly boys funnily enough)used to show their bits off, it's normal little boy behaviour.

I wouldn't particularly want the teacher telling me as knowing my boys she'd be telling me weekly(and all the other mums) also to be honest I couldn't care less- they're 5!!!!!!

harpsichordcarrier · 02/03/2008 23:04

I think it is pretty standard run of the mill boy behaviour and it doesn't do to make too much of it tbh

TurkeyLurkey · 02/03/2008 23:05

I paid 10p to see a lads willy when I was about 8

That was a lot of money in those days.

fairyfly · 02/03/2008 23:06

I hid in the bin in the boys toilet, explains a lot, just remembered another thing to tell my therapist.

Greensleeves · 02/03/2008 23:08

she was devastated at his detention? At 5yo?

I think this is standard little boy stuff and nothing to get all unnecessary about. It's just a body part to him - some kids think it's funny to flash their bums too - why load it with adult connotations and create a problem which isn't there?

mylittlepudding · 03/03/2008 10:40

It can be a marker of sexual abuse - so I would imagine that the teacher would want to know.

seeker · 03/03/2008 10:45

I think it would have to be coupled with a lot of other markers before a 5 year old waving his willy about would make people think he's been abused. In my experience they all do it at some time or another. My ds was a mooner by preference, but his friend was a willy-waver.

jiji · 03/03/2008 11:03

My little boy chases his sister with his willy out all the time. He has no idea why she runs off squealing, but likes the reaction and Ive told him bits are private, but at 2 he has pretty much no concept of private. He is just a rambunctious little boy. I think it is very ott to say its a marker of sexual abuse!

Nothing to worry about, even at 5, I would say, just at 5 he should get the message that he really shouldnt be doing it again..

KerryMum · 03/03/2008 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jiji · 03/03/2008 11:08

A real detention? I missed that somehow! Eek. not a time out? A naughty chair?

Hi Kerry mum, how are you doing?

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