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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

If your ds of five years old had got his willy out and shown it to the girls in the cloakroom, would you want to know?

79 replies

collision · 02/03/2008 22:34

DS1 came home on Friday and told us that one of his classmates had done this.

This boy was in detention during playtime on the previous day because of something else and is obviously a little tiresome.

So, I would want to know if this was my ds and DH agrees with me.

So, would you tell the teacher?

I will not be telling his mother as I think that the teacher can do that and his Mum is a playground friend who is lovely. She was devastated at his detention and is a nice normal person so I do know this will not go down well at all.

Yet, I would want to know so I could deal with it at home as well.

Opinions please.

OP posts:

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KerryMum · 03/03/2008 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooseyLoosey · 03/03/2008 11:21

I wouldn't tell his mother. I am a parent of a boy much like the one you describe and it is breaking my heart. I have tried everything I can think of to reinforce the school as it sounds like your friend has done). I worry about my son and about him fitting in every minute of the day. If anyone told me anything else about him I would break down and cry, I already think other parents and judging us and could not deal with any reinforcement of this.

Original poster

collision · 03/03/2008 11:25

There is no way I would tell the Mum as I think the teacher can deal with it.

However, if it was my ds then I would want to know so I could reinforce that that sort of behaviour is not acceptable at school.

The teacher wasnt there today so I couldnt say anything anyway but I think I will mention it. In a breezy casual sort of way!

OP posts:

poppynic · 03/03/2008 11:35

My ds (5) told me he was playing saxy games in the train tunnel with one of the girls. I initially thought it had something to do with music! When I asked him exactly what it involed he said you show each other your bottoms. I calmly told him that bottoms are private etc. He asked me why? I couldn't come up with a suitable explanation. Can anyone help?

I told the teacher the second time he mentioned it. She thanked me for telling her and said they have "a bit of a situation at the moment". I think you should tell the teacher and she can tell the other mother if necessary.

Original poster

collision · 03/03/2008 12:53

This is the problem I had too. WHY are bottoms and willies and boobs private? Why are feet not private or tummies or ears or fingers?

am not sure really ds!

Maybe we could go with the wee and poo side of things rather than the sexual side of it?

Am stuck really.

OP posts:

marina · 03/03/2008 13:00

I would report this to the teacher, but not make a big issue of it
I think it's fairly common, but also needs a gentle whole class discussion on why private parts are called that.
Not a detention issue, though!
Tbh my ds encountered something similar (slightly older boy showing his to ds) and I am glad we reported it because it did turn out to be indicative of a more general problem with the child, poor little guy. I left it with the school to deal with, so that's all I know. But I was told afterwards that for the sake of all concerned they were glad it was reported.

Original poster

collision · 03/03/2008 13:04

No it is not a detention issue.

He was kept in from playtime on Thursday which was his detention!

OP posts:

marina · 03/03/2008 13:06

Sorry, misread
I'd want to know from the school if this had happened, maybe not from another mum, however tactfully phrased

edam · 03/03/2008 13:11

agree with everyone who says not to make a big issue out of it, standard fare for small children. Although obviously to be discouraged.

Tricky if they say 'why' though...

Found ds and his friend (female) showing each other their bits a while ago (at home). They were both nearly four. I think they knew this was the sort of game of which grown ups would not approve by their reaction when I walked into the room. I tried to be matter of fact and say 'bottoms are private, let's play something else'. Was worried that the other mother might object but she can't have been too horrified as they still go round to each other's houses.

Original poster

collision · 03/03/2008 16:56

i spoke to the teacher after school and she thanked me for mentioning it!!

Her assistant had been at school on Friday and knew something had happened but wasnt sure which children had seen. I told her what ds had said and she said she would deal with it tomorrow.

(it is parents eve tomorrow as well)

and this troublesome child is being kept in again because of leaving the classroom and going on a walkabout!!!

OP posts:

MicrowaveOnly · 03/03/2008 17:15

sigh...only 5, well OP you've got a long slog ahead of you if you want to inform all parents about their kids doing this...the teenagers I teach like nothing better than showing their bums whenever possible.

Boys don't grow out of it ...ever!

duchesse · 03/03/2008 17:24

Isn't that a normal part of early childhood, showing your bits to the opposite sex? It's just when some people never grow out of doing that it becomes tiresome.

Desiderata · 03/03/2008 17:27

My father was expelled from school in the late 1940s for showing a girl his willy. He was seven at the time.

He always said he wouldn't have minded, but she asked

Ah, it's all very normal behaviour. I think it's more shocking that a five year old gets a detention.

MicrowaveOnly · 03/03/2008 17:32

kids are kept in at break at my Ds' primary school. Its not called a detention though, just making up missed work.

Buda · 03/03/2008 17:34

I do think it is very normal but a good time to explain why it is not appropriate and I would rather the teacher did the explaining as I don't know what to say!!

Reminds me of the school nurse (who I know well) coming in to DS's class (6/7 yr olds) and having a general chat and she asked if anyone had any questions - cue my DS asking "what are balls for?" - he was told he would need them when he is older! And he got the "balls' phrase from him mate!

MicrowaveOnly · 03/03/2008 17:45

lol buda.

when my ds age 7 asked me why his willy kept getting bigger, Oh gawd I thought, then told him it was practising for making babies??? He was dead chuffed and felt very grown up. Heeeelp

FrannyandZooey · 03/03/2008 17:49

"She...is a nice normal person so I do know this will not go down well at all."

if she is a nice normal person I would not think that she would give a stuff, tbh

5 year olds flash their willies. It isn't serious.

Buda · 03/03/2008 17:53

What is it with boys and their willies?! In the care with DS the other day and he asked how we get to heaven. I said I didn't know. He then said "so when you die all your important bits go to heaven - so if you are a man your heart and your willie go up to heaven don't then?"

Then yesterday I overheard him asking DH what is the most important part of the body - your heart, your eyes or your willie?"

FranSanDisco · 03/03/2008 17:54

Ds is in Reception and told me one of the boys got his "chippie" out and showed it to a few of them as they left the dinner hall. He told me in a shocked voice but I know he would have wet himself laughing at the time. I told him daddy was a chippie (carpenter) and asked why daddy was in this boys trousers - lots of laughs and saysing no mummeee!! He also told me that if you don't want to use the word willy, as it's rude , you can use nuts. Gawd help me! So we have a good vocab building for male privates at least.

FranSanDisco · 03/03/2008 17:55

Buda - pmsl as that is so true,

OliviaJournalist · 03/03/2008 17:58

Message deleted

WallOfSilence · 03/03/2008 18:03

PMSL @ Buda's beautiful little boy

Buda · 03/03/2008 18:05

He is beautiful WallOfSilence! My beautiful boy. Hates it when I say that of course!

Original poster

collision · 03/03/2008 18:17

Well Franny, FYI his mum was the one who said it was a detention and the rest of us said it was being kept in at playtime.

The mum made the boy write a letter for the teacher, had to go to his room as soon as he got home from school, no TV and no £1 from the tooth fairy!!

I can imagine that if she thought he had been waving his willy at the girls, she would be horrified!

My question was, would you want to know if your ds was doing this?

I would want to know.

I will not be speaking to the mum about it but have breezily mentioned it to the teacher.

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 03/03/2008 18:22

A boy in my class got his willy out under the table, in my catholic primary school, with the strictest nun as a teacher - dicing with death is all i can say . Now i was a very prim and proper little girl, so i restrained myself, until the very last minute, so didnt get a proper look (unlike the girl sitting next to me, who no doubt grew up to be a tart!) - i spent my entire childhood with a very distorted image of how willies should look But no harm done.

Would i want to know if my DS/DD exposed themselves at school? Only so i could tease them about it on their 40th birthday or something equally as cruel

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