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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

5 YEAR OLD WETTING DURING DAY

30 replies

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 13:54

I am going crazy, my daughter has just turned 5 and has been wetting everyday particularly at school for about 12 months now. Initially she had a urine infection but now thats cleared and it still happens. School not happy and have asked me to take her to a clinic for wetting!!! I have done this and they said she may have a weak bladder and in half term i have to fill out a chart to establish her fluid intake and wetting patterns, then they may give her some meds to strangthen bladder. However they said it can take months to work. The confusing thing is that at home/out and about accidents are rare. I have stopped pull ups apart from school trips to save embarassment or chapped legs. I dont know what else to do to encourage her to stop. School are still pressuring me but I have told them i cant wave a magic wand!! Anyone had the same problem??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

kindersurprise · 11/02/2008 13:56

Is she happy in school?

Does school send her home if she wets herself?

Could she be deliberately doing this to get out of school?

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 14:12

Hi, she adores school and hates it when she is off sick which is the confusing thing. They dont send her home, I always send in some spare pants and tights with her. I just think she gets so engrossed in activity that she just leaves it too late and with the weak bladder its too late to do anything other than wet herself.

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 11/02/2008 14:19

I have the same problem with my 5yo dd. However I have a different attitude from her school. They never fuss or complain, and are most apologetic if dd has an accident as a result of them not keeping an eye out for her. I've had many discusions with her teacher and TA, and they support me in my refusal to send spare clothes with dd. This is because when she has, in the past, had the attitude that it didn't matter if she wet herself, as she knew that Mummy carried spare clothes for her.

The school should be helping you in this. I know it's difficult for them, the teacher has X number of children to keep an eye on, but nonetheless wetting at this age is not uncommon. Although my dd appears to be the 'worst' in her class, most days one or other child is handed back to the parent at the end of the day with their clothes in a carrier bag.

Sometimes, yes, it is being engrossed. Sometimes it's not recognising the need to go until to late. But very often dd denies - to herself or to anyone who asks - the need to go. I can't help wondering whether it's an attention-seeking behaviour that has gone wrong, that has become habit.

kindersurprise · 11/02/2008 14:23

Hmm, my DD was doing this for a while too. Not every day, but several times a week. Similar to your DD, she was just distracted and forgot to go to the loo. Or got there too late.

I had to explain to her that she should not wait until she was desperate for the loo and I made her go at certain times of the day. So, when she gets up, then at about 11 o'clock, then after lunch...)

It might be more difficult at school, but perhaps her teacher could help. Or would she be allowed some kind of alarm clock/timer on her watch?

WigWamBam · 11/02/2008 14:29

My initial thought is - could she be frightened of the school toilets? Lots of children are.

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 14:35

I wish school were more like that with my DD. One of her teachers is very discreet but the other who is new is rather vocal as she screeches across the other parents WE HAVE HAD 2 ACCIDENTS TODAY.... Its so embarassing as my little angel holds her head in shame wandering out with spare clothes I provided still in school bag and she is frozen in her PE shorts carrying a carrier of wet clothes. I have spoken to head about the attitude from said teacher but was told its mothers nature to defend their child.
I will look into the watch idea and also ask her about the toilets, never thought of that!

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Fimbles5 · 11/02/2008 14:42

Jodyray - I have this problem too, believe me it is more common than you think. My DD has also just turned 5yrs. I have the added problem that my DD only wets a small amount, but then doesn't tell the teacher. This happens throughout the day so by the time she gets home she is soaked through and unfortunately smells. I am so worried that before long the other children will begin to notice. We also have been to doctors and then referred to hospital. Have you tried giving her more to drink??? This has helped us, we found she wasn't drinking as much at school and was bringing her drink home. We have been told that not drinking enough had an adverse effect on bladder problems as the bladder has to learn when it is full iyswim.

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 14:46

No I did not know this? I thought maybe she was drinking too much. I am glad that its not just my DD with this problem as the school make it out like it is. My DD has in the past been too ashamed to say anything so she stuffs toilet paper in her knickers, hence when she gets home strings of smelly wet tissue is stuck to her and all in her tights, I feel so sorry for her but DP has no sympathy so its difficult.

OP posts:

bananaknickers · 11/02/2008 14:50

I have this problem too. More common than we all thought.

Anyway, her school are really good with her and know we are doing all we can to help. They are very supportive and I am gratful. I send in spare clothes.

Fimbles5 · 11/02/2008 15:02

I send in spare clothes too, but unfortunately if she doesn't tell the teacher, she will not change herself. I too, thought she was drinking too much, so the automatic reaction was to reduce what she was drinking, but the hospital advised is against this and told us to increase if anything. This seems to be working - I hope. The other thing we were told which may help you was to avoid blackcurrant squash, if your dd drinks this?!? I send my sympathies to you all. It is nice to know there are more people out there dealing with the same, it can be so stressful at times.

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 15:04

she does drink blackcurrant yes!!! maybe i will try all the suggestions and hope it works...thanks everyone!

OP posts:

Fimbles5 · 11/02/2008 15:08

Apparently blackcurrant is a diuretic, like tea which acts to increase the flow of urine. I will be watching this thread with interest. Good Luck - it can't last forever!

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 15:10

thanks honey!! i will let you know if she gets prescribed these meds to help!!

OP posts:

kindersurprise · 11/02/2008 15:57

Fwiw, my DD has got better these past 6 months (she will be 6 in April)

We are in Germany and so she is still in Kindergarten. I do feel that this helped as the teachers there are used to dealing with younger children and treat the children with more compassion. It is important for them to hold on to their dignity.

Perhaps part of the problem is that children in England go to school earlier and earlier. The teachers and the schools have not yet adapted to the different needs of 4-5yo compared to 5-6yo pupils

Original poster

Jodyray · 11/02/2008 16:03

yeah i agree. she never wet at nursey so maybe they spent more time encouraging her to go!!

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 11/02/2008 20:54

I would ask whether it was possible for a teacher to take her to the loo every couple of hours, I know it isn't in their job description but you would think that a teacher or a class assistant might be able to walk her to the loo and actively make sure she goes into the cubicle rather than just asking if she needs the loo, because as it's been mentioned, kids fib just to get out of going because they think they might miss something exciting!

PrettyCandles · 12/02/2008 12:48

I am appalled at your school's attitude! If that is the way the teacher deals with the situation, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your dd is afraid to tell her that she needs to go to the toilet, or has wet herself because she is so worried about the teacher's reaction. And "mother's nature to defend the child" FGS! Does the head really think it appropriate to announce the child's distress to the whole playground? And why, in winter, is she expected to wear PE shorts - especially when you've provided clothes for her?

One thing that never helps in this situation is a lack of compassion. Getting the child upset or stressed only makes this sort of thing worse.

Wisteria · 12/02/2008 12:52

I found out recently that my dd2 never uses school toilets because they are filthy dirty.

We have now complained to the school but she admitted that she didn't even use them in junior school and only at primary school when she really couldn't wait....

I was disgusted at the state of the sec school toilets recently and can't say I blame her

Poledra · 12/02/2008 13:05

Hi Jodyray
I don't have the problem yet, as my dds are too small for school. However, my mother was a teacher and she would be appalled at the behaviour of the teacher at your dd's school. Shaming such a young child is not going to get her anywhere.
I think trying to see if the teacher can remind her to go to the toilet is good, but the teacher is unlikely to be able to take her there - they cannot leave a class full of children to take one to the loo. Perhaps a classroom assistant might be a better bet.
I would really try and get some more help from the school. Also, do you have a HV/family nurse in your area? They might have some helpful ideas.

pirategirl · 12/02/2008 13:09

I wrote this just yesterday, you have my sympathies.

Is your dd dry at n ight yet, mine isnt. grrr

^She has been coming home with wee'd in pants for about 2 weeks. She says that she 'forgets' and doesn't get to the loo in time. Or soemtimes she feels she can't interrupt the class/assembly to say she wants to go.

She has also started doing it at home now so the embarrasment bit isn't really an issue here, eg she isn't having to ask to go, she can just go.

This has happened before, when i thought she was having an emotionally difficult time over her dad. Yet there havent been any problems, none spoken of, for ages. Is she not coping as well as i think?

We have both had colds for two weeks, and I have noticed I have bee going alot more. Might be connected? (long shot !!)^

any one elses' dc's had phases of this?

i will now go and read the thread

Original poster

Jodyray · 12/02/2008 14:17

pirategirl, yes she is dry at night. I had all this too with the dad situation and thought it was to do with it but according to the clinic she is emotionally well. I know the cold weather must not be helping as i know of other parents whos kids have had 'odd' accidents. Saying all this, yesterday was her first dry day at school in months!!

I have asked the school to make sure she goes and Mon to Weds when she has 1 teacher everything is ok and she comes home in the clothing i provided and its usually just the 1 accident. The latter of the week its 2 or 3 times and this is the teacher who seems intent on making her life a misery!!

OP posts:

lollipopmother · 12/02/2008 15:21

Oh I didn't mean that the teacher should take her out of class to go to the loo, I thought maybe after each class a teacher could take her and a couple of the other girls, make it a bit more fun. I'm sure this is what happened at my primary school, we all filed out of the class for a wee!

Original poster

Jodyray · 12/02/2008 15:26

no i know you didnt and i agree with what you suggested!! I was just saying i had asked them/classroom asst to prompt her a bit more considering its such an issue for the school. I also asked them to monitor the amount of times her water bottle is filled but they dont have time to do this. It just seems they expect a miracle from me and they wont really help. It just depends which teacher/asst is on duty too!

OP posts:

Poledra · 12/02/2008 16:04

I tihnk it was me who misunderstood lollipopmother - sorry! I see what you mean now, and that seems very reasonable.

pirategirl · 12/02/2008 18:59

jodyray, I suspect it must be the attitude of the other teacher that's not helping the anxiety/accidents.

I spoke to my dd's classromm assistant today, and she said she would remind dd to go.

Ihave also taken dd to the gp this evening, and explained it all. I also explained I am having similar problems. dd's wee is clear.

GP suggested it may be to do with the colds we have, that out bladders may be irritable.

I would just like to say tho, that I haven't been weeing my pants, i know to actaully get to the loo asap!!

Its good that she had a dry day today !!!!!!

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