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Original poster

Nobody faint, but tis good news!!!

41 replies

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/02/2008 20:25

Had a fab day with DS1 today. Hubby and I talked and planned what we would do to deal with the kids.

I haven't shouted today, I have been confident that I could deal with them and so didn't want a repeat of yesterday. It worked!

This morning wasn't as stressful as usual and I got the kids settled at school okay. When DS1 came out of school he ran into my arms and I can't even remember the last time he did that.

DD hit DS and that was dealt with calmly and fairly and when I called her off the step she came in and said sorry to her brother without any prompting. She even said she didn't need telling.

I need support to keep this up but I really wanted to say thank you to everyone for listening and helping me, it is very very much appreciated.

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callmeovercautious · 04/02/2008 20:28

Thats great news NAB, I haven't posted on your threads as I have no experience to draw on to advise you. The good days like today are the ones you need to remember when it gets tough. You know they can do it now so stick to your guns with the discipline and they will soon learn I am sure!

ChipButty · 04/02/2008 20:29

Well done! x

lorisparkle · 04/02/2008 20:34

That sounds fantastic .

I've been thinking about things to say but sounds like you are doing a great job. I work with children and find that this kind of positive attitude does make a difference but there are always going to be times when it is hard to do. Just remember though that if you do have a bad day then as long as the days around it are good then it is just one of those things.

Just a few things I thought about ... I read somewhere that you should aim for 5 positive remarks for every one negative remark and sounds like you are doing it already

I was also thinking that alongside rewarding the DC for the things they do you really need to reward yourself.

Hope tomorrow goes as well as today

Habbibu · 04/02/2008 20:36

Oh Nab! Well done you and Mr Nab - and how lovely that DS1 ran in to your arms. You are a brilliant mother. Hurray for you!!!!

BeeEm · 04/02/2008 20:46

Excellent - well done. must feel so good to have had a good day at last. have been wondering how you were getting on.
I too have had a pretty good few days with DD (apart from a blazing row yesterday). We went to an african drumming group together - just me and her - and she's really keen - keeps talking about 'our' new hobby - think its done her some good.
Are you treating yourself for having a positive day?

mumeeee · 04/02/2008 20:47

WEll Done to you.You are a great mother.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/02/2008 20:48

Yep, just sent hubby for some choc from the kitchen.

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Whizzz · 04/02/2008 20:48

Print out your post NAB & stick it on your fridge door with pride

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/02/2008 20:50

Will do!

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BeeEm · 04/02/2008 20:55

DD sent me an e-mail last night - with a song carefully written out in her unique spelling. it was so sweet and so out of her recent character that i've printed it out - its in my diary to look at durimng those dark moments.

lucyellensmum · 04/02/2008 20:57

That is fantastic news NAB, I am really pleased for you - not surprised though, the amount of effort you are putting into things Definately print your post out, it is bound to be a bit up and down, but now you have had a good day, you just need to remind yourself of it and soon there will be no stopping you.....Hurray for DS1

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 10:46

And how quickly he changes

Last night he stayed up a little bit longer, he came down for a few minutes after his story, pinched some of my dinner. This morning he hit his baby brother and shouted at him, refused time out for it, hit is sister, said I was fat, ugly, thick and didn't care if I died. kept saying shit shit shit mummy. Ran off and encouraged DS2 to follow him when I had asked DS2 to wait inside. Told DS2 to hit me, bite me,.....

I reminded him of the lovely afternoon and evening we had had yesterday and asked him why he was being like this. Said he liked it and he would always be like that.

I didn't shout or smack, stayed calm but was very upset inside.

Feeling yuk as keep getting pains in my head.

Don't understand why he was like it. Won't let it spoil tonight though.

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charliemama · 05/02/2008 10:57

NAB poor you it is so hard when the little people who we love so passionately behave like this. I often have struggles with DS1 to.

I might be wide of the mark here, but it struck me reading your last post that possibly DS1 is feeling a bit insecure and is 'testing' that your love for him is unshakable. He could be displaying this bad behaviour to gaod you and see your response. Forgive me if I am talking nonsense. But it could be that you need to keep reiterating the 'I love you message' even during his outbursts. Well done for staying calm (I know how hard that can be!). I sometimes say to DS1 'I love you darling, but it makes me cross when you ......'

I know from your other posts how much your Dcs mean to you. I think you are doing a fantastic job, hang in there.

charliemama · 05/02/2008 10:58

goad not gaod

MarsLady · 05/02/2008 10:58

Well done you!

StressTeddy · 05/02/2008 11:01

Oh darling NAB - it's so tough isn't it?
One tip for helping you keep calm (if you can rmember it at the time - which I don't always manage to!) is to imagine you are being wathced or filmed by a third party. You tend to keep calmer if you think someone is watching! It works for me
Love to you and your family - it certainly sounds like you are making progress but at testing times it might not feel like it

And just in case you the huggy type

NAB

Buda · 05/02/2008 11:03

Well done NAB. Sorry this morning was shitty though although I think it is just normal. He has been used to behaving like that and getting attention so it will take time to turn it all around. Well done on staying calm.

Hope today is better after school.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 11:34

Always happy to have a hug.

Good tip about being watched and also a very good point about how he is often like this in the morning and will take time.

It is hard when there is no apparent reason for the change in his behaviour. Sometimes it seems to be when he is sent to the step for hitting or told off.

Today is hard for me. I feel yuk, still can't stop thinking about the person I thought was a friend and also waiting imminent response from SS about complaints I have made.

I always tell the kids I love them when I kiss them bye at school and bed time, need to say it more perhaps? DS1 sometimes says he doesn't want me to love him or doesn't believe me when I say it.

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lucyellensmum · 05/02/2008 11:38

NAB - i have to say, your little boy sounds like a DEMON But a lovable one all the same. Honestly, you will look back on this and make him squirm when he is older. Hmmm, thats an idea, get your mobile and take pictures of him being a bugger. It wont help, but it might make you take it less to heart.

There was one slight little clue in your post though. You said he went to bed later - could it possibly be he was overtired. We sometimes fall into this trap with DD, she is playing really nicely so we let her stay up and then we pay the next day. It is just a long shot.

I can't say i'm too surprised actually, things will be up and down. But as i said in my other post, remember you had a good day yesterday and there WILL be others.

Ive just had a thought, probably a lousy idea. What about keeping a diary, encourage your lad to do it too. HE doesnt have to write in it every day, but you could say about things you do together, even when he is naughty, don't elaborate too much on it, but just say things like DD did xyz and this made me sad because all i really wanted to do was give him a hug but i had to be angry mummy instead. Then you could sit and read each others diary. Assuming he is of an age where he can write of course . It might help him to reflect on his behaviour. You could say things like "blimey DS, you had a bee in your bonnet on that day, make a joke of it" and then say "oh what a lovely day we had that day - it made me so happy" that sort of thing. Of course i could be spouting rubbish. Gotta be worht a try though.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 11:41

He only went to bed 10 minutes later and they all slept in an extra 25 minutes this morning.

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LadyVictorianSqualor · 05/02/2008 11:45

Try not to worry too much about this morning NAB.
He needs to relearn his behaviour that's all, at the moment his default mode is being quite a tyke, so it takes more effort for him not to be, if you keep doing things the way you have been and ignore the naughty side of him as much as possible, whilst praising and enjoying the good side he'll soon get used to it.

lucyellensmum · 05/02/2008 11:45

oooh for an extra 25 minutes as i said, it was a long shot.

Try not to take to heart all the "i don't love you" bullshit. He doesnt really understand what he is saying. He wouldnt be doing all this if he didnt love you, why would he bother? My DD was having a tantrum the other day she was saying "i don't love you, you not a nice mummy" she is 2.5 but two minutes later after getting no reaction, she changed tact, "i love you mummy, cuddle me up" harmony was restored

You know what, you ARE allowed to be angry with your son, you can shout at him too. Its only human. so don't beat yourself up over it if you do slip - christ you are a stronger woman than me, my DD1 could flip my switch in a second.

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 12:01

Hubby and I had breakfast and ate it alone, it was fab but very weird.

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Buda · 05/02/2008 12:10

Could it be low blood sugar that triggers him? When he wakes up his blood sugar would be really low. What does he have for breakfast?

Original poster
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 05/02/2008 12:52

He has cereal, toast/pancakes, fruit. Sometimes bacon and egg. He is worse when DH has gone and we are trying to get ready to go to school tbh, so shouldn't be lack of food. They have about 20 mins to play and it can kick off then.

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