Can anyone help me with my 9yr old, please, please some practical advice!!!

[fartmeistergeneral]

I'm not very well known on here, so I hope this isn't overlooked, I'll keep bumping...

I have a 9 yr old ds who is driving me mad. He's not 'naughty' or 'bad' - he's just so annoying and irresponsible that for me, it's reached crisis point.

I know it seems trivial, but his behaviour leaves me drained. When I ask him a question,he answers with a silly response 'I know you are but what am i?' or something equally as ridiculous - then I have to repeat the question and tell him I want a serious reply etc etc. He constantly bugs his little brother (7) by poking, putting his face right up to his, silly faces, talks and sings all over him etc. If we need to get out the house, he goes all floppy and falls about on the floor laughing etc (usually with the approval of his brother who is enjoying the scene).

He has NO sense of responsibility whatsoever. This morning I gave him a cheque for his dinner money and told him to put it in his pocket. 15 mins later we are ready to go to school and he doesn't know what he has done with the cheque and I have to write another one.

Then it's the usual stuff - 'put your shoes on.......put your shoes on........did you put your shoes on? well,, put them on then!!' ALL THE TIME.

I know that this is turning into a vicious cycle with him bugging me to the end of my tether and me reacting badly and I can see us becoming estranged. But I just don't know how to turn it around. I know you are supposed to ignore certain kinds of behaviour, but if he's bugging his brother what do I do?

I'm quite sure I'm making his behaviour worse - what is it, a call for attention?

It's not the worst behaviour I've seen on this forum, but on a day to day basis, when I feel our relationship is deteriorating, I feel like I need to do something NOW.

Anyone with any experience of this or advice???

I'm going to work, but will keep bumping when I come home.....

Good Luck

I'm off to do tea and homework now or we'll be late on that too!

mind you DS1 is off on his school trip tomorrow until friday and as much as i hate to say it i know that the mornings will go smoothly while he is away!!

I honestly think the silliness thing is an age thing. My ds1 is 10 now, and at 9 he was really immature with the silly voices and the arsing around.

It's like they're nearly older so they become immature again.

Anyway, you are both doing heroically.

Agree re responsibilities - thank him when he does something - anything - like 'can you carry that bag in for me?' and then 'THANK YOU for carrying the bag in. It was a big help.' Mine liked that - 'thanks for clearing your plate'. Now he offers to do things like that or comes up and says 'I helped dd with her reading' because he wants the attention but he's worked out GOOD ways of getting it.

Treat him as though you expect the best, give him some space, more responsibility, less pressure and slowly, slowly he will surprise you.

only another 8 months to go and he will be a sensible 10 then

bless them i really don't think they understand why they suddenly have to be so responsible either after years of us doing everything

......as my mum would say 'back in my day i was getting my brothers dressed and walking them and me to school while my mum worked, you have it easy!'