Reassure me that it's okay for my toddler not to go to bed

[BroccoliSpears]

She's 19 months.

She's always had a lovely bedtime routine and gone happily to bed after bath, story, cuddle etc at about 7.15.

This is the third night in a row she's 'decided' not to go to bed. When we put her in her cot she screams and hollars. Last night she played happily until about 10.00 and then went down happily.

At the moment she's even howling in protest because we're not letting her out of her bedroom - but DP is in there with her and she has the option of cuddles!

I know many people would say we need to let her cry about it and learn that bedtime is non-negotiable. But we just don't want to. It feels very very wrong to let her cry - yes, even if we go in to reassure her every minute or so.

But I do want her to get a good night's sleep!

I know every one of my friends and family would be strict and make her go to bed whether she wants to or not.

Are there any other parents who would let her get up and play if she really doesn't want to go to bed?

Am doubting myself.

Go on, I can take it.

(But really, no leaving her to cry!)

my little one is 10 months now and where as up until about 8 weeks ago i could pop her in bed at 7.30 awake and she would get herslef off to sleep she now wont! i have tried being strict i spent two weeks listening to her scream until nearly midnight when through my own exhaustion and lack of sleep i gave in!
saying all ths she still woke up at 7 in the morning has only two 30 minute naps during the day and will not go to sleep much before 9(and thats with us down stairs, not in her bed)
i think its each to their own, i cant stand hearing her scream and as i can hear next doors baby when she's screaming, i dont think they really want to be lstening to mine screaming her head off!
im with the thought that hopefully she'll grow out of it! x

Broccoli, this is really interesting - my 15 month old daughter just started to go bonkers at bedtime too. In our case I think, though we've only been trying this for a week, that she's getting really into books and stories, and so they're exciting rather than calming her. So far she's getting a bit better by having cuddles in the dark in the rocking chair after the stories, but would be interested to hear whether she settles again,or if you develop a new routine.

My dd falls asleep in her chair and then we take her up to bed with us have done it with our other dc too and we have never had sleepless nights (well only when they are ill)

DD1 went a bit mad with sleep when she was just over 2 staying up until 10pm etc. We cut out her daytime nap and that and her starting nursery means that come 8pm she is shattered. We take them up at 7.45pm-ish, stories then she has her light on and reads to herself until she comes and asks for her light off, this usually is about 10 minutes after we leave her, she will come and say she is tired.

I personally think if you are fine with it then thats great, whatever works for you and your family. I know some people who's DC are in bed by 6.30pm as they want an evening without children. Ours go at 8pm as this means that DP gets time with them at night but it means that I have to wake them in the morning for DD1 to go to nursery on time.

If you and your DD are happy then sod anyone else

Broccoli, perhaps to do with a transition in daytime nap needs - where 2 is too many and 1 not enough, or 1 too many and none not enough? So resulting in a temporary later bedtime?

Good idea about the bed. If this bedtime phobia continues I shall try that.

Habbibu - we also ran into a bit of an issue with books recently. Previously we didn't really have any system, just whoever was putting her to bed would read whatever book or books they fancied, twice or three times if she was really enjoying it, and if no one was desperate for a sleeping daughter and a G&T. Then came "MORE".

MORE BOOK! MORE BOOK!!

Now, she knows that she gets two stories at bedtime. She can choose them from her shelf, and once they have been read that's it. No more stories. She really liked being asked to choose them, and knowing how many two was and she understood the new system straight away.

my son been doing same this week aswell, he 18 months doesn't scream though just plays and sings in cot for hours without a care! think just stage of development! but on plus side not getting up till 8-9 in morning so guess why not complaining!

Broccoli, that's great. It is hard sometimes to trust that you really, really do know your child best.

Re boundaries: Our friends think we are very hippy, laidback parents with no discipline . In fact, we are pretty firm and consistent with what we think is important - we model lots of positive behaviour and she is probably more 'well-behaved' than most of our friend's children. [smug emoticon]

I stress again, rods can be broken. You can teach new skills and 'routines' at ANY AGE.

PS your second post about stories really emphasises what I said about boundaries. It's about knowing when you will be firm.

(I recommend teaching 'LAST ONE' and being consistent with it. It's v helpful!)

Yes, she's not too bad if we get her to say "bye bye book" - she waves (and then I put it out of her line of vision!). She just goes to bed a bit too excited, I think, if she doesn't have cuddles in very quiet and dark, when she'd usually go straight down after books. There's teeth and stuff going on just now for us too, so we'll see.