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Original poster

How do you handle it when your child says they hate you?

51 replies

Hekate · 30/12/2007 20:13

Because ds1, aged 8, has just yelled down the stairs "I hate you Mum".

And I yelled back up, "Do you? Oh dear, that makes me sad, get back into bed now, night night."

And came right back to Mumsnet.

But now I'm wondering if I should have done something different.

He's started saying "you hate me" when he doesn't get his own way, to which I reply "I love you." but this is the first (of many I suspect) proper screamed and shouted declaration of his hate for mean old me.

So what do you all do?

OP posts:
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yurt1 · 30/12/2007 20:59

I've only ever had "I don't like you' and I replied 'that's a shame because I love you; now .'

discoverlife · 30/12/2007 21:11

I found at that age the laid back laconic, as has been said , 'well I LOVE you' and maybe the squelchy kisses works.
But for the older ones, teenagers, my usual answer was 'and?' or 'you'll get over it' or if there was another adult present 'Awww doesn't he/she look cute when their angry, c'mere give us a kiss' worked really well. You have done it really well for your first time, they don't mean it at that age, and its just another stepping up of the ongoing battle of wills that kiddies have to go through some way or another.

Original poster
Hekate · 30/12/2007 21:31

Ok. Now I know I handled it well enough

It's time for the confession.......

It hurt so much I had tears in my eyes (good job he was upstairs!)

Waaawaaawaaawaaaa

It's horrible when your child says they hate you (even though they don't mean it!) isn't it?

Right. I'm done. Off now to find funny thread to mess about on.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 30/12/2007 21:39

Message withdrawn

Staceym11PipersPiping · 30/12/2007 21:50

oh you're a cold fish cod.

remember its just words, you did brilliantly!

colditz · 30/12/2007 21:51

I say "Oh well, never mind. You still have to do as you're told."

[evil ma]

Original poster
Hekate · 30/12/2007 21:51

haha Cod, I am, I really am! I had a right snivel to myself. My baby said he hates me, wail, sob, sniff....

I still handled it well though.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 30/12/2007 21:52

Message withdrawn

MaryAnnSingleton · 31/12/2007 08:40

I know ds doesn't mean it on the rare occassions he says it so it doesn't bother me, but if he did I'd be disrraught

PrismManchip · 31/12/2007 08:44

How about this:
"Do you love me mummy?"
"Of course i do ds"
"Well I love daddy better"

From a nearly 4 year old

Sobernow · 31/12/2007 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbeyA · 31/12/2007 08:53

You did the right thing, you have to remember that they don't mean it. It shows that they are secure enough to say it and know that they are loved anyway. The scary thing, to them, would be if you were to relent over what ever it was that you were stopping them doing because you took them seriously.

Bluenosesaint · 31/12/2007 09:01

Same standard response here of "well i still love you ..."

Drives my nearly 8yo insane!!

Pan · 31/12/2007 09:37

dd once said to me "I wish I didn't have a daddy.." - this was at the end of a bit of a conflict and her 'dramatic timing' was perfect....just a pause in convo long enough to maximise delivery of line....

she was in the back of the car, and I was utterly devasted - for about 10 secs - and replied "well, you do have a daddy, and that is me, so you'll have to spend a bit of time in thinking how you're going to handle all of this love that's coming your way, now and forever". It was a toughie though..

nice OP's response!! Idon't think the "sad" bit would be too bad. Besides he probably didn't hear it really.........

twentypence · 31/12/2007 09:46

I just smile and say "that's a shame would you like to play Thomas Uno?" He forgets he hates me. I try not to smile too much though.

Another mum I know cried for 3 full hours when her dd said the same thing at the same age. Her daughter now won't do a single thing she is asked, and if she tries to punish her guess what she says?

I think your reaction was just right - you made it clear that words can hurt - but not enough to prevent it being bedtime.

Tortington · 31/12/2007 09:48

" shut yer gob and get to bed"

would be my response

LowFat · 31/12/2007 09:52

Along these lines, DD has only started to use the word 'hate' for spiders and cucumber

But she does tell me she is angry with me. I suspect because I tell her when I am angry with her.

So to preceed the inevitable 'I hate you' I now always say, when we make up after an arguement. 'No matter how cross or angry I might get with you sometimes, I will always love you.

Staceym11PipersPiping · 31/12/2007 11:08

oh custy your tactful! can imagine you saying that tho!

mustmakeyouamanmore · 31/12/2007 11:31

Ds1 is 4 and hates me at least twice a day at the moment The usual reply is 'I dont think you do, I think you just hate it that....' doesnt realy work, so then I just ignore him for a while.

4minimes · 03/01/2008 18:43

Hi hope you dont mind me posting (never posted before lol) but when my ds says he hates me I just say "thats ok I have enough love for both of us" he really hates it lol

Iota · 03/01/2008 18:50

If mine say it to me - which does happen sometimes, I say "well I am the worst mother in the world - perhaps you had better find a different mother - why don't you go and live with so-and-so's family?" Or something similar.

Or I threaten to sell them on ebay

StarlightMcKenzie · 03/01/2008 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DingdongMaryBonhigh · 03/01/2008 19:13

I'd be worried that a child of mine WOULD call childline!

Staceym21AtLast · 03/01/2008 19:21

iota i asked dd if i could sell her on ebay today (she wasnt eating dinner nicely!) and she said 'no mummy, why dont we sell ds instead??'

KTNoo · 03/01/2008 23:09

I started a similar thread yesterday not realising this one existed.

Best ones my ds(4) has given me so far are:

"I know other people like you Mummy, but I don't"

"You're the worst Mummy I've ever had...."

"Mummies shouldn't be allowed." (This was because he wanted a piece of sellotape and I was in the shower so told him he needed to wait a few minutes. Good grief.)